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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make my DD babysit

52 replies

pleasingone · 27/10/2017 08:29

My DD16 agreed to babysit fo a friend of mine a month or so ago on a evening in November, so it’s been booked a while.

One of DDS best friends has since announced that she is having a birthday party on the promised night of babysitting and my DD is understandably desperate to go, everyone going, big night etc etc...

AIBU to insist that she misses the party as she agreed to babysit first?

Teenagers are tricky things.

Thinking of just asking my friend if she could organise someone else to do it however she may not be able to and I also want DD to understand commitment.

OP posts:
Appuskidu · 27/10/2017 21:18

I'd offer to babysit but make it clear that it won't be happening again and that in future she must honour her promises.

This.

CrumpettyTree · 27/10/2017 21:31

If my husband offered to babysit for a friend but then was invited to a very good friend's birthday meal, I'd offer to babysit for him if i was able to, so I'd do the same for a daughter.

Mamabear4180 · 27/10/2017 21:37

I'd babysit for her if possible and if not I'd tell DD she has to babysit as she has made an arrangement and should keep to her word. I wouldn't mention it to my friend because she might feel awkward and cancel her plans and that wouldn't be fair.

Andrewofgg · 27/10/2017 21:38

I faced this with DS when he was 16.I forget what it was he wanted to do instead but it was really important to him; so I did the babysitting. The parents insisted on paying me and I agreed with them and with DS which charity the money would go to.And I warned him that it was a one-off, and he honoured his commitments faithfully after that.

Lethaldrizzle · 27/10/2017 22:22

There is no way I'd make the 16 year old miss the party. Book a baby sitter online with one of the many baby sitter services!

scottishdiem · 27/10/2017 22:31

Lolz at the righteousness of some.

Parents take their kids out of school despite the commitment they made to have them in school.

People take duvet days despite the commitment they made to turn up for work.

People miss dates with friends and family despite the commitment they made at the time of arranging things.

The number of people on this site who are paragons of virtue who have never done anything like miss an appointment or miss a meeting or taken a day off when they didnt need to and delivered on 100% of their commitments is staggering.

SpareChangeDownTheSofa · 27/10/2017 22:32

I think its weird for your friend to ask your daughter, a 16 year old, for a commitment two months in advance.

Its natural that in such a gap that something would come up for your daughter or she would change her mind. If she is doing it as an unpaid favour for your friend I would say she is allowed to back out but its a bit rude of her to do so and she needs to do it face to face, in person.

However if you really want to help your friend out you could do it instead.

gamerchick · 27/10/2017 22:35

Why can’t you babysit for her?

Cleanermaidcook · 27/10/2017 22:36

If she doesn't want to babysit I'd tell her she needs to speak to your friend and let her down herself and encourage her to find a solution be that you babysitting in her place or finding someone else to do it.

FenceSitter01 · 27/10/2017 22:44

Baby sitting is casual paid employment. Provided there is enough notice, the 16yo is free to cancel. But she must be prepared that no one in the social circle of that mother will ever employ her again, so she might be ending her income stream. So long as she is aware of the consequences.

longestlurkerever · 27/10/2017 22:50

Fence sitter that's harsh! She's damaging her rep to a certain extent but all sorts of businesses occasionally let people down without a one off cancellation being the end of their trade. Likely to be the same here. It's not like she's bailing with no notice.

FenceSitter01 · 27/10/2017 22:53

Harsh? Why? Nothing I've said is bad or rude or harsh?

If asked, I certainly wouldn't recommend someone who let me down. Word travels fast.

SinglePringle · 27/10/2017 22:53

There is no way I’d ask my teen to speak to the family she’d agreed to babysit - that puts all the pressure on them and that’s totally unfair.

I wouldn’t ‘make’ my teen babysit but I certainly wouldn’t do it for them; There is no solution to this other than the teen honour their commitment.

BertrandRussell · 27/10/2017 22:58

I'd do it for her. Modeling kindness is incredibly important.

longestlurkerever · 27/10/2017 23:02

No I didn't mean harsh as in rude. Just the idea that this family would tell everyone they ever met about being let down once and it being the end of her babysitting career seemed a bit ott. It depends on whether she babysits often and is usually reliable. Personally I'd be disappointed i had to find someone else but wouldn't stop using her again if it was a one off and I was given notice.

Lethaldrizzle · 27/10/2017 23:08

I'm sorry but I would never book a 16 year old that far in advance for precisely the reasona that have occurred

LolaTheDarkerdestroyer · 27/10/2017 23:26

I’d baby sit and let her go to the party...it’s not nice to miss out at that age.

TheBananaStand2 · 27/10/2017 23:27

If you're free and so inclined, you could split the babysitting so she honors the commitment in part, for a couple of hours, and then you could take over so she can go to the party.

bigbluedustbin · 27/10/2017 23:52

What would you do if you had agreed to babysit for a friend and then another friend scheduled something important to them (like a party at this age is important for teens) on the same date, like a wedding for example? Would you not try and find other arrangements for the babysitting since the other event is more important?

I agree with not turning something down because a better offer came up, but this isn’t really that kind f thing. It’s needing to rearrange because something more important came up. I’d cancel a night out for a friend’s wedding, but I wouldn’t cancel on one wedding for another. I’d cancel a date for a friends birthday party but not for another date. Priorities matter with this kind of thing.

Theresnonamesleft · 28/10/2017 00:12

When this happened with my DD, I told her that she needed to sort this out. I wasn't available which DD knew about.

She used to also be asked months in advance to babysit. They would sit down in January and go through all the actual known dates for events that happened around other events - birthdays around Halloween that type of thing, and update during the year for weddings invites, hen nights, Christenings etc. Because of various reasons, it worked for them.

BackforGood · 28/10/2017 14:46

What BigBluedustbin said. It isn't unheard of to have something in my diary, and then something that is more crucial comes up. As said upthread, this is about problemsolving. It might be she knows someone else who would babysit - this might, or might not include her Mum (the OP).

I remember to this day when the Mum of someone who used to babysit for us, came and sat when her dd wasn't able to do it (hadn't committed, just wasn't available when asked). I thought it was incredibly kind (the lady wasn't a friend of mine, before that, just someone I would nod to / smile at). I like to think - as Bertand say - it is just a kind thing to do to help people out when I can. Which is why I'd help my dd out if I could, just the same as I help other people out in life, and {and I think this is important} my dd would help people out if she could too. Its what makes the world go round.

CrumpettyTree · 28/10/2017 15:15

Agreed Backforgood

Desmondo2016 · 28/10/2017 15:22

I'd offer to go to the party for her.

Then when she's finished screaming I'd probably offer to do the babysitting.

Nikephorus · 28/10/2017 16:41

Of course if you insist that she babysits she may decide never to commit to babysitting for your friends again just in case something else comes up (with plenty of notice) - then your friends will suffer.

corythatwas · 28/10/2017 16:49

CrumpettyTree Fri 27-Oct-17 21:31:36
"If my husband offered to babysit for a friend but then was invited to a very good friend's birthday meal, I'd offer to babysit for him if i was able to, so I'd do the same for a daughter."

This seems a sensible approach. You are preparing your teen for adult life, so it makes sense to allow her to do whatever one of you might do as an adult. If that is, find a replacement because something else important to you has come up, then it's no worse because she does it. If you would never dream of it, then explain that.

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