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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No whispering at the table

30 replies

MyLittleMoney · 21/10/2017 14:48

dd3 has a friend, they are both 6 years old. Friend whispers about me and my other dds whenever she is at our house, either at the dining table or elsewhere.

AIBU to tell her (and dd3) "please no whispering at the table"? BTW it's not cute whispering it seems like this girl is gossiping. I don't usually hear what exactly is being said but there she whispers and glances at me and my other dds.

OP posts:
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 21/10/2017 14:49

How rude! Yanbu

Original poster
MyLittleMoney · 21/10/2017 14:55

I am asking because the two or three occasions when this has happened and I have said not whispering please this girl has given me very sullen looks so wondered if I was being harsh or overly sensitive but the whispering annoys me tbh

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 21/10/2017 14:56

Whispering in the presence of others, especially at the table, is very rude. I definitely wouldn't allow it. It's setting a terrible example for your children.

stella23 · 21/10/2017 14:57

No so rude, makes you wonder what they do in class

BenLui · 21/10/2017 14:58

It is rude but could it just be that she’s shy?

If she’s saying nasty things about you or the other children how does your DD respond? I’m surprised she wants to be friends with someone who is rude about her Mum?

TheSnowFairy · 21/10/2017 14:59

I probably would not include the 'please'.

Madreputa · 21/10/2017 15:00

Whispering in other people's presence is incredibly rude. When I see kids do this I immediately tell them off. I don't care how small they are. They have to learn it at a young age that we don't whisper in the presence of others.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/10/2017 15:01

Let her look as sullen as she wants to. Too bad. Your home, your rules. Perhaps not having her over would be a good thing. My daughter became friendly with a girl when they were 8, and she came over several times until I put an end to it. Her behaviour was awful and she was a rude little shit. I talked to my daughter about it, explaining why we weren't allowing her to come over anymore (or to go to her home), and she readily agreed. Even my daughter could see it. Don't hesitate to discipline her when she's in your home.

Santawontbelong · 21/10/2017 15:04

Our house rules are no whispering at the table or you won't be invited back. .
I have done similar with dd obnoxious friends in the past!!

Original poster
MyLittleMoney · 21/10/2017 15:07

I don't know how dd3 feels about friend being a bit unkind about mummy. DD3 is very loyal and likes this girl and apart from the whispering she is quite caring and kind but also sullen a lot of the time.

I feel i need to nip his in the bud before it becomes accepted behaviour at my house.

OP posts:
Original poster
MyLittleMoney · 21/10/2017 15:08

Whats this whispering all about the, why do some children (girls?) do it? Is it kind of gossiping? Is it intended to be rude?

OP posts:
BenLui · 21/10/2017 15:09

One easy way to solve it is not to have them sit next to each other at the table. Have them sit across.

SeaCabbage · 21/10/2017 15:13

Yes don't have them next to each other. And I agree with a PP, if you ask them not to whisper, do not prefix it with please.

Pengggwn · 21/10/2017 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 21/10/2017 15:24

Have you asked your daughter what they whisper about?

It might not be about you/her siblings.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 21/10/2017 15:26

You can tell when it's a shy child whispering because she's too nervous to say something out loud - there's no way that's gossiping or bitching about someone. Do you want to encourage the friendship?

babsthebuilder · 21/10/2017 15:26

My step son used to try to whisper to his dad when it was just the three of us in the room. Incredibly rude and I nipped it in the bud. Even if it isn’t about people, excluding someone present from the conversation is rude. I don’t think it’s unreasonable of you at all.

innagazing · 21/10/2017 15:33

Whispering usually makes someone feel excluded.

We had a no whispering rule when my dd was growing up. I'd just say, in a neutral tone of voice, 'we have a rule in this house that whispering is not allowed.' I never needed to say anything more really, although I'd sometimes add that they should go to a different room if they wanted to talk privately.

C8H10N4O2 · 21/10/2017 15:40

Whispering at the table or in any small group is just rude.

You should not feel uncomfortable telling her this or any other poor manners.

You don't have to make a big thing of it but its reasonable to say "we don't whisper because it is bad manners" and the remind her if she continues to do it. I'd do the same over use of cutlery, waiting at the table for everyone to finish etc.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 21/10/2017 15:41

I'd ban whispering altogether. It sets my teeth on edge (throwback to being bullied at school).

WillowWeeping · 21/10/2017 15:48

Oh FGS she's 6!!

The likelihood that she is being rude about you or your other DC is vanishingly unlikely - I'm quite surprised you'd imagine this to be the case Confused

Over the years I've had many little DC whisper in my presence. Without exception it's been shyness/embarrassment "can I have water" "I don't like peas" "will your mummy make me eat this".

Challenging a child in those circumstances would likely devastate them.

Original poster
MyLittleMoney · 21/10/2017 16:12

Definitely not shyness, friend demands food and sweets.

OP posts:
Cleanermaidcook · 21/10/2017 16:24

They'd be told "we don't whisper in our house, if you can't say it out loud please dont say it at all" if it continued "stop whispering, it's rude"
I really don't care if I get sullen looks from small children, I expe t a level of good behaviour from ever one in my own home.

Haffiana · 21/10/2017 16:44

No paranoia at the table!

JonSnowsWife · 21/10/2017 16:49

No not being OTT at all.

My Grandma used to hate whispering of any kind.

I think no harm in then doing it. It's just a girly thing but if you don't like them doing it just keep politely reminding them.

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