To ask 18 year old student son to pay board?

[SharonsWineGlass]

18 year old DS lives with us but is at uni full time. He's got a good student loan with no living costs. He currently has £2k sat his bank and has just had another £1k put in today which he's bragging about. He contributes nothing to the household, no finance, no housework, won't even put the dishwasher on without moaning.

He's basically living the life of Riley.

Meanwhile DH and I (not his dad) are working full time and coming home to housework and cooking. DS seems to be at uni for a max of 6 hours a week and spends the rest of his time making a mess and playing computer games whilst buying himself expensive steak for a lunch time, clothes and gadgets.

AIBU to ask for a token contribution of say, £50 a month when a) we're not short of money but not exactly rolling in it either and b) his money is actually a loan?

He also works part time (8 hours a week).

I would never charge a full time student rent.

When they get a full time job is when i would start

I think it's unfair to ask him for money you don't need. He may not realise it now but student loans aren't cheap!

However, it is absolutely not ok that he is not contributing to the running of the household at all.

He should be doing his own washing, cleaning and cooking. If he can't be arsed to clean up after himself then I think it's fair to take some money for a cleaner.

I might not charge 'rent' but I would expect them to cover their own costs for utilities, food etc. £50 seems reasonable to me.

I think he needs to learn to pull his weight around the house. Loading the dishwasher is basic and my 10 year old has started to do this.
Don’t charge him rent but do sit him down and tell him that he needs to do his fair share of housework etc. It will prepare him for moving out and sharing with friends.

Most students pay from £400 pm rent. Does the lower 'living with parents' loan assume they do or don't pat towards living costs eg perhaps bulls if not rent?

I personally wouldn’t make my children pay rent when I can afford not too. However by 18 I wouldn’t expect them to be contributing their share of the housework, especially of they are spending so much time at home.

How about offering him a choice, say £100 a month or 30mins of chores a day. Establish what these would be e.g. Cook dinner for the family once a week, empty dishwasher every day, hoover living areas etc. I bet he'll choose the chores!

I think £20-30 PW for food and heat plus doing some chores.

Does he buy his own food? My thinking is that it's not really fair to expect student DC to pay rent as such (and your DS's loan will be lower because he lives at home, reflecting this) But it's absolutely right expect them to pay their share towards food and bills. DH and I worked it out once and reckon each DC at home costs about £30 a week in food and their share of the bills.
So £50 a month sounds low to me, unless he is buying his own food, in which case it's probably about right.

He should also do his share of chores. Could you get him to agree to certain tasks that are then always his responsibility, so you don't have to ask specially each time?

I wouldn't charge a full time student rent.

I'd address the mess issues though.

He needs to step up and take responsibility for his own chores (which he'd have to do in rented accom) and as not paying you board or in lectures full time, some communal jobs in lieu of rent... ?caring for pets, hoovering etc.

Not lumbering him with extra debt for living accommodation is a really big helping hand for the future, you're doing a good thing for him. Hopefully he will be saving some of his wages etc to help set himself up when he graduates.

Unfortunately this can be the downside of students not living out.... Over grown teenagers who expect someone to pick up after them forever.

I have a 19 year old at home he works an is a full time student, I make him pay £20.00 a month. I pay his £10.00 phone contract. I really believe that it does them good to pay something towards household expenses. I was living on my own at 18 working and paying rent, so I really don't see why my son shouldn't contribute. I need to add that I got no help from my parents at all, struggled to pay rent an feed myself, so son is very lucky to have a roof over his head and no worries.

I would charge him rent by way of contributing to household chores. I would absolutely discourage the student loans if he doesn't need them. He's got a golden opportunity to reduce his debt by living at home. If he also had a part time job he wouldn't need a loan at all.

I was made to pay rent when in university, it drove me to become a very independent person, your doing him no favors by making life too easy for him. He should also be helping around the house now that he is an adult

Just tell him he needs to do his share! That's where this is coming from really OP.

He needs to grow up and wash up!

Could you charge him some rent and require chores but then put the rent in a separate account and give it to him when he graduates towards a deposit on renting a flat.

Depends if you want him to move out or not.

Or one rate if he does chores, a higher rate if he wants added maid service! It sounds as if he does nothing at the moment so you don't have too much to lose.

No I would not charge a student rent. My bigger concern would be what he is doing at uni snd why he only goes for six hours a week and does nothing rhe rest. Of the time. My daughter works her arse off. Ok final year of a law degree and first year was easier, but none of her friends only did uni work for six hours a week. If he continues that way he’s not going to make it to his next year.

Yes he should pay something so he is used to having to contribute but not rent per se perhaps call it board. At 18 he probably eats a lot and showers daily plus you say he does work a bit so earns some money.

At 16 I was at college and earning less than £30 a week and would pay my mum £10 still. He should pay something and you shouldn't feel guilty. It will be less of a shock once he pays real rent. Also at 18 I guess his child benefit has stopped so it's only fair. Imho 😀

My dd is probably going to stay at home for uni next year and if so I will charge her £40 a week. She is happy to pay that.

I don’t charge mine rent but she does stuff round the house

I think as a minimum you could ask for his share of utilities to be covered. If he's the only one in and the rest of you are at work the house will need heating and power. I think covering his food costs would be fair too. He's costing you and can afford to cover that himself.

I would never charge rent, but come on! Why are you letting him be completely useless around the house?

I have 2 teenage boys (one away at uni). They both load/unload the dishwasher, do loads of laundry/tumble drying, cook, vacuum, strip their beds every week and wash them, mow the lawns and they both cook! I would go berserk if I came home from work to a mess.

Don't let your son become a useless man-child.

I've got two at home on a gap year. Neither are prepared to help with chores. They were given a choice. Either they keep their rooms clean and tidy and empty the washing machine and dishwasher every day or they give me £12pw each to fund the cleaner coming in for an extra two hours a week. They chose the £12pw.

I have no need to take money from them but it was a matter of principle.