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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aggressive/bullying driver

102 replies

AtHomeDadGlos · 19/10/2017 10:38

So, I popped to the shops this morning and behind me was a very impatient/angry driver who was frustrated at my driving a touch under/on the speed limit of 30mph.

Lights flashing, fist pumping, watch tapping away as the lights turned from green to red - he wanted me to speed to catch them.

Just wondering how other people deal with these bell ends (invariably they’re blokes). I just slow down even more as needing to check my mirrors more intently means I can’t give as much attention as to what’s in front of me. also it pisses them off

OP posts:
RatRolyPoly · 19/10/2017 10:43

Why were you driving just under the 30 limit, just out of curiosity?

YANBU to slow down even more though; driving a 2 ton box at any speed near people isn't a game, and it's not sensible to delight in enraging others when the stakes are so high.

I do hate aggressive/gesticulating drivers though. But I just think "fuck 'em". I drive the way I drive because I believe it's the best and safest way to do so.

Migraleve · 19/10/2017 10:45

I generally pull over and let them past. It keeps me safe, I can’t be doing with idiots behind me.

RatRolyPoly · 19/10/2017 10:48

Doesn't everybody drive at the speed limit though, unless for some reason it isn't safe to do so? If there was literally no reason not to do 30 I might have quietly tutted to myself before remembering they might have a fish tank in the car.

Ifailed · 19/10/2017 10:52

Doesn't everybody drive at the speed limit though

No, it's a limit, not a target. If OP lives anywhere like me, there tends to be loads of school kids out and about in the morning (not just before 9am) so I am particularly cautious.

Redhead17 · 19/10/2017 10:53

I just drive slower

Sparklingbrook · 19/10/2017 10:54

You don't know what's going on on other people's lives or why they are in a hurry.

Just ignore, and certainly don't engage.

PandorasXbox · 19/10/2017 10:58

I don’t think it matters what’s going on in someone’s life Sparkling tbf, it doesn’t give anyone the green light to drive aggressively.

RatRolyPoly · 19/10/2017 10:58

Ifailed I did stipulate "unless for some reason it isn't safe to do so". I'd say lots of kids about is a fair enough reason.

LadyWire · 19/10/2017 10:59

I slow down too. If someone is concentrating that hard on being aggressive then they're not concentrating on their driving. If they're going to slam into the back of me I'd rather they did it at a lower speed.

Ifailed · 19/10/2017 11:00

RatRolyPoly Fair enough.

Sparklingbrook · 19/10/2017 11:01

You are all heart Pandora.

TheViceOfReason · 19/10/2017 11:02

Deliberately goading people like that by slowing down just makes it worse.

I just ignore them and drive at the correct speed.

WhatwouldAryado · 19/10/2017 11:03

The speed limit is an upper limit. Allowing for hazards etc means you inevitably drive mainly LESS than the posted limit Confused.
Driving slower is a safe reaction as they are showing a lack awareness and if they're too close slowing to the correct braking distance is wise (though with the really tenacious dick driver they just get more mad instead of checking their aggression).
I have pulled into the left before (and had ranting out of the passenger window at me for it). Some people really are utter wankers.

PandorasXbox · 19/10/2017 11:07

Give over Sparkling. We’ve all got our problems. That does not mean you can drive in a way that intimidates people!

Original poster
AtHomeDadGlos · 19/10/2017 11:09

In this case it was slowing down when approaching junctions etc, seeing that I wouldn’t make the lights - 3-400m away and not wanting to speed only to have to slam the brakes on etc. He was so close I couldn’t see his lights at various points - so if he hits me I’d prefer it to be at about 27/8 mph than 30mph and the speed LIMIT (not target) is 30mph in that area. Parents with toddlers on the way back from school run/two supermarkets near by/bus stops etc.

I wasn’t driving unreasonably slowly, and I didn’t goad or engage him. Just slowed where sensible and drove correctly.

OP posts:
TraceyBond · 19/10/2017 11:12

No, not everybody drives at the speed limit all of the time. I just try to carry on as I am and let them do what they want to. I have enough stress and things to worry about without letting other people's driving bother me.

There's no reason to do it, if your late then pull over or use hands free to make a call to say you're on your way. If somebody is being born then they'll be there waiting for you, and well if somebody is dying it doesn't give you the permission to risk other people's lives to be there with them. If it's a life threatening emergency and you're carrying the only medication that can save a life - you should have already called 999 or be in an emergency vehicle!

Babyjunglesafari · 19/10/2017 11:13

In contrast you have no idea why someone is driving slowly.

They could be lost/looking for somewhere, be having a problem with their vehicle.

I can’t abide aggressive driver. The speed limit is a limit. Often the conditions means it’s safer to drive a bit slower.

Wet roads, foggy, raining, lots of children about.

Best to just ignore them though, slow down or pull over if it’s safe to let them overtake.

Don’t allow other people to put their stresses onto you. Their aggression is their own problem, I always think that people who feel the need to beep, shout and flash at other drivers must lead pretty miserable lives if they get angry over such trivialities.

Danceswithwarthogs · 19/10/2017 11:14

Some people are just idiots... what can you do?
Don't let their anger/negativity ruin your day

LaurieFairyCake · 19/10/2017 11:16

I live in south London and it’s practically 20 miles an hour everywhere I go. So I drive at 20 or much less over the extremely incliney speed bumps.

For some reason the news of 20 hasn’t reached arseholes and I’ve had the good fortune to see 3 arseholes overtake me when I’m driving at 20 only to hit a speed bump and SMASH their rear end down on to it Grin Massively cheers me.

ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt · 19/10/2017 11:20

All this reminds me of a first-class bit of advice I saw on a motoring forum many years ago on the matter of reacting (or not) to oafish driving: "whatever his problem is, why do you want to be part of it?"

There is hardly ever a good answer to that.

And yes, it is almost always a he, certainly in my experience.

ohhereweareagain · 19/10/2017 11:35

What car was it OP?...just curious 😁😁

HunterHearstHelmsley · 19/10/2017 11:40

I flip my rear view mirror and pretend they're not there.

I will slow down (as you're supposed to) if they are too close.

PandorasXbox · 19/10/2017 11:41

It’s so dangerous to drive like that as it makes people look in their rear view mirror instead of concentrating on the road.

HarmlessChap · 19/10/2017 11:50

I did stipulate "unless for some reason it isn't safe to do so".
People's perception of risk varies, you may think its safe to drive at 30 on a road but the person ahead may feel that's too fast. Everyone should be at liberty to drive at the speed they feel comfortable with.

disahsterdahling · 19/10/2017 12:01

Please don't slow down if someone comes up behind you. Sometimes I come around a corner and someone is going very slowly. I'll take my foot off the gas, and if you keep at the same speed,a gap will reappear between us.

If you look in your mirror, decide I'm tail-gating and slow down, I'll have to brake, and I should not have to do that. Give people time to adjust to your speed and then decide if they are tail gating. Also remember that cars look much closer in your rear view mirror than they actually are. I don't think I am genuinely tail-gated very often at all. Yes people come up fast behind me, and are clearly a bit fed up that I am daring to stick to the speed limit, but they're not usually so close that they're almost in my boot.

As for slowing down way before you get to traffic lights, I was in a queue the other day and the car in front of me decided not to move because the lights changed to red. However, I wanted to turn left into my road and they were blocking me from doing so, even though there was a gap they could drive into. So please make progress, you don't know what people behind you are trying to do.

I don't think people should drive slowly because they are lost though. Pull over and look at a map. Or if you're looking for a particular house, get out of the car and walk along the road to find the house number you want.

As for the bad drivers always being a he, I'd beg to differ. Far too many mums out there driving massive oversized cars that they can't actually drive (and definitely can't park) properly. And looking back to their kids on the back seat rather than looking where they are going!