To hate it when estate agents do this?

[Winenight]

When you open a property listing and find that they've included a boring monologue from the vendors of the property talking about what they love about the house (that they are now selling because it no longer suits them).

"We fell in love with the stone crevices and delightful wooden beams. The rear aspect is incredible and Janet and I have enjoyed many a delightful afternoon sipping wine and watching the sun go down."

Yes thank you, I think my imagination can stretch to visualising drinking a glass of Pinot in the back garden. It's incredibly patronising and always seems to be included at the expense of some useful information such as room dimensions or a floor plan.

Maybe it's just me but the things I would want to know from a vendor are stuff like what council tax band is it in and what are the neighbours like?

YANBU. We had an estate agent use that as a USP for their services when we were selling. DH and I cringed at the thought of writing it and used another agent.

'Roy likes to do his naked stretching on the deck before breakfast. We don't see much of the neighbours. They keep themselves to themselves.'

I imagine there is research that shows that this helps still a house or whatever. I agree though, it sounds dire.

Oh God I can’t breathe at naked Roy

Cubbitt and West by any chance?

I hate it when you actually go and view a property and the estate agent walks into the kitchen, for example, and says "This is the kitchen ". Err I think I can work that one out for myself.

I must live in a parallel universe.
Estate agents showing people around only happens here if the property has been empty for some time.
I've also never seen any of these poems thank fuck, is it a London/ SE thing?

Grocklebocs I don't blame you for changing agents! I must admit that some of the passages are quite funny but I can't honestly see how it would help sell a house. Surely when you're selling the buyers want to imagine their own lives there, not know Doreen and Derek's evening routine?

Gillybeanz I've noticed it on a few properties, generally the more expensive ones. I will have a look and see if I can find you an example.

gillybeanz I refuse to do my own viewings - they are awkward as Fuck and I hate them! They get paid enough when it sells so they can work for it I also hate viewing houses with the vendors for the same reason!

A property belonging to a family member for 25 years was sold to a couple who then sold it again 3 years later. The guff the estate agent wrote was breathtaking and an utter utter lie. It stated that the house had been empty for a few years and the vendor Jane had always driven past it wondering about it. When it came on the market Jane couldn't believe her luck and swiftly bought it. It then described how Jane had brought her children up there and how Christmas in the living room had been magical and how they had had Easter egg hunts in the garden.

My family member challenged them in writing asking why they were making up such blatant lies just to be ignored. It was shocking

What are the neighbours like?

You're hardly going to say if they're not very nice.

YANBU...another pet hate of mine is random wasted photos, such as tap running or a beam above the fireplace or perhaps the odd horse..I know what a bloody tap looks like thanks, what a waste of a photo, and yes Cubitt & West are guilty of this.

I think this is one of my favourite descriptions of a Victorian terraced house for sale last year, with a small front garden.

you approach xxx, you will be met by a path and frontage of golden gravel. There are borders of English cottage plants and an avenue of lavender.

It's true, there was gravel and a lavender bush.

I’m pretty sure that Douglas Allen do this locally.

The theory being that no one remembers fact, but everyone loves a story. So give ‘em a shit story

I can't bear it. I don't give a shit about the vendor. I'm buying a house, not looking for a new mate.

Imagine if they told the truth?

Janet and Roy have loved living here for many years, during which time maintainence has been minimal. They have decided to move as an ominous crack has appeared in the sitting room wall and the boiler is on its last legs. They are moving to Bridlington in search of a fresh start after Roy was caught looking through Pam next door's back window while she does Pilates and Janet is bloody furious. You'll note the new decor papering over the crack which compliments the curtains Janet made herself in 1992. These lovely curtains can be purchased with the property for a ridiculously sum that will push back exchange by a fortnight as Janet refuses to budge on the ludicrous price before leaving them behind any way for you to dispose of them.

Our "paragraph" was written by the estate agent not us, not at our request. They must think it works as a marketing tool

They are hardly going to write "X and Y say their property is Band D"

Yes, we have had estate agents doing the tour repeatedly stating the blindingly obvious:

• 'this is the kitchen' - ahhh so that is why the cooker and fridge are in here
• 'this is the sitting room' as we all look at a ground floor room with sofas, coffee table and the like

Room after room as though without the state agent's professional guidance we would have been trying to imagine how we would fit our bed in the bathroom.

Also agree about the fatuous photographs. Close up on wine glass, town sign, low down shots were all you can see is the current owners' furniture and pictures.

purple

golden gravel? Truly the streets of London are paved with gold!

I just had to look on Cubitt and West's website for some examples. Sick-making stuff! Fine and Country do this too. I can really see how it works with some buyers, though.

They don't just say "this is the kitchen", they say "this is obviously the kitchen"
I remember we wrote something about the charms of the local area as they weren't exactly apparent!

When I visited a ‘2 bed flat’, the agent said in one room ‘this is a bedroom’ and in the next, which was the kitchen, ‘this could be the second bedroom if you move the kitchen into the living room and have an open plan space, freeing up a second bedroom!

I also hate this. YANBU

C&W have one of those automated chat bot bollock wankers in the corner of the website. They annoy me more than they should do!!!

Purplecollar was it also in a “sort after” area??

We viewed a house in Slough where the estate agent did the viewing whilst the vendor slumped on the sofa watching Jeremy Kyle. The agent carried on as though she wasn’t there. We felt really intrusive and got out quick as we could.

Also looked at a couple of houses where I took my shoes off in politeness and instantly regretted it when I saw the state of the carpets!

@MovingOnUpMovingOnOut

That was hilarious.

Sally and Peter fell in love with the low low cost of this Victorian home, ploughing in their life savings and going into considerable debt to renovate it from a mould infested hovel to a mould infested show home. It's been 3 years now and the skirting boards still aren't finished, but the couple are on the verge of divorce so something's got to give. "It's our dream house" cackles Sally manically between gulps of Sainsbury's white wine. "I haven't had a day to myself in years" moans Peter from the enormous tool box in the cellar. Call now to secure your viewing of this exclusive property, so Peter can clear the dog shit off the lawn.