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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Another birthday present one.

31 replies

supersop60 · 15/10/2017 23:54

DD's birthday next week, she'll be 17. PILs sent a card and a present, which she has already opened - it's a beautiful silky dressing gown which she loves. What was not so great is that they have misspelt her name on the card. For years, they kept not pronouncing the 'a' at the end of her name and I had to keep correcting them. Now they've stuck an 'h' in the middle. DP's excuse - well they are 80. Yes, that's true but both of them have their full faculties. I can't understand why they can't get their only granddaughter's name right. AIBU?

OP posts:

Somerford · 15/10/2017 23:58

My grandmother misspelled my name until the day she died, My grandfather continues to do so. I can't say it's ever bothered me.

Twitchingdog · 15/10/2017 23:59

You get used it . Just let it go .

venys · 16/10/2017 00:02

To be fair I have a mother like that..maybe not misspelling names, but mis-spells and mis-pronounces words of non English heritage. It drives me batty but she will never change. I am guessing the PILs may be the same.

Original poster

supersop60 · 16/10/2017 00:04

It just seems like a lack of engagement. My DM and DF sadly dies years before my DCs were born. They would have got her name right....

OP posts:

ReginaBlitzkreig · 16/10/2017 00:04

No one in my family except my older sister now gets my surname right. Apparently it is too hard to remember that I kept my own surname. It is irritating.

It is one of those odd things that people do, especially when they get older. You remind them, they forget again. Try not to hold it against them.

Original poster

supersop60 · 16/10/2017 00:05

*died

OP posts:

NikiBabe · 16/10/2017 00:08

Yes YABU.

Look at the other thread where a MIL buys her granddaughter presents but she is not allowed to take them home out of MILs house.

They bought her a present she loves and you're whinging about a mispelled name from an 80 year old.

bellabelly · 16/10/2017 00:21

I understand your frustration. However... My MIL (about to turn 80) failed to buy my twin boys any present at all. She turned up for their birthday tea and gave them a card each - so its not like she forgot it was their bday! I am still very cross with her but DH seems incapable of calling her out on it.

KC225 · 16/10/2017 01:46

My mum 83 mispronounces my DH name and spell it wrong. The kids find it hilarious. I don't think DH even notices now it's been so long.

They remembered her birthday and bought a 17 year old a gift she enjoys. You can afford to cut them some slack

NikiBabe · 16/10/2017 01:54

I don wonder if the OP would laugh it off should her own paretns do this. PIL hate is a big thing on here even when they do something nice for the dcs.

Lagerthaisfabulous · 16/10/2017 05:43

My grandad argued with mr me about what my dds name was when she was 3. He thought it was another name that sounded vaguely similar. He even told me i must have changed it at some point.

Then he never spelt it right. But so what? Its really not a big deal.

My family in ireland have always spelt my name wrong. But i have just been happy that they sent a card and remembered.

BusyBeez99 · 16/10/2017 06:06

I'm more concerned as to why she opened her present early

KoalaD · 16/10/2017 06:15

YABU. Don't make a big deal out of nothing.

Some people are rubbish at spelling. It is not at all indicative of how much they care.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 16/10/2017 06:28

My mother started leaving off who the card was to, or sending two cards to one and none to the other. Spelling names incorrectly - how they pronounced them rather than they were spelt. For a while my father took over writing them with his increasingly spindly handwriting. Then we went through the year of blank cards. Now we don't get any cards. They have forgotten all our names and birthdays. They still function on a day to day basis, living independently and looking after themselves though.

So yes I think that you are being unreasonable. If they have spelt it without an h all these years and they are in their 80s then they are probably at the very beginning of a decline and the roles will begin to switch between parent and child and you will increasingly be supporting them over the coming years. Maybe work out which one wrote the card and see how they are on other tasks. Can they still spell the items on a shopping list for example. Be supportive rather than cross.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 16/10/2017 06:32

I'm more concerned as to why she opened her present early

^Really?!^

Seriously, that's something worth getting concerned about?! Hilarious!

OP, my nan was always getting me cousins name wrong (she blamed the extra syllable ) and do you know what? No one gave a shit. Seriously it's no big deal

Altwoo · 16/10/2017 06:33

My granny misspelt and pronounced my name all my life. I loved it - it was her thing - and it makes me think fondly of her. Idiosyncrasies are what make people.

BusyBeez99 · 16/10/2017 06:33

Yes. Why not wait til birthday. Never understood that

HotelEuphoria · 16/10/2017 06:45

Another one whose MIL spells DDs name wrong, every single year and it's only got four Letters! She also spells it different each time!

She is also only 69.

Let it go, it's a standing joke in our house each birthday as to how Grandma B has spelt your name.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/10/2017 06:49

It took my fil almost 20 years to remember Dh and I have double barrelled. He systematically called me by dhs surname only.... on the odd times dh prompted him to send a birthday card. Ditto with dhs cards. Did the same with dd. She’s 9 now, I’d say he’s been getting it right for 2years now.

There are worse things in life than getting a name wrong. Are they loving and caring in other ways?

Maelstrop · 16/10/2017 06:51

Yabu, especially when you say your parents would have got it right. Yeah, right.

JoandMax · 16/10/2017 06:51

Let it go, she sent her a lovely present so a misspelt name is really not a big deal.

DHs nan sends cards and presents and they frequently have the wrong name/partner on them - she's over 80, is kind and generous so we just laugh it off and it's a bit of an joke now who the card will be addressed to. I know how much she loves her grandchildren and great-grandchildren by the way she behaves and that's what matters

strawberrypenguin · 16/10/2017 06:57

My SIL sent cards to my DS with the female spelling of his name for the first 4 years of his life. I had to get DH to have a word in the end as it was driving me crazy! She gets it right now!

For elderly grandparents who’ve remembered and picked a lovely gift I might be a bit more understanding though

Ohwell14 · 16/10/2017 07:15

My mum always does this, I had to text her my daughter's name because she wanted to get her a personalised blanket and I wanted it to be spent right.
Doesn't really bother me much, I've got used to it.

ChickenMom · 16/10/2017 07:22

My DH misspelt our sons name on a Mother's Day card! He added an extra S! Wishing I'd kept the card now as I thought it was hilarious and it makes a good dinner party conversation. I wouldn't worry about your PILs. Just enjoy the fact that they sent a lovely gift. You ANBU but I'd drop it.

Original poster

supersop60 · 16/10/2017 07:28

It was a lovely gift. My DD has MH issues (I've posted before) - it doesn't help her self esteem, that's all. I'll let it go - life's too short and too hard in so many other ways.

OP posts:

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