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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ruined your own life?

46 replies

KateEffinMiddleton · 15/10/2017 21:32

NC for this

AIBU to ask if any of you have ever been at rock bottom due to your own actions?

That's where I'm at right now and everything is my own fault. What did you do and how did you fix it because I just don't see my life improving.

OP posts:
Biscusting · 15/10/2017 21:38

When I’m feeling low, I think of all those characters is great stories where they turn it all around and become a great success.

Or I think I’m just like a famous artist, who won’t be appreciated in their own lifetime Grin

There’s always a way back up if you have the wit to recognise you’ve hit the bottom. And sometimes it’s what you need to make real changes.

What’s up OP? Unless you’ve killed someone, there has to be a way.

CathysGhost · 15/10/2017 21:40

You know what my love, I have felt like this. I went for counselling when I had PND and I remember saying in the I'm first session that I didn't believe the nurse when she said I would get better. But I did. I'm here, I'm alive, I'm doing well. I didn't think I'd be alive. It doesn't seem like it now but it will get better if you get help

DaughterDrowningInJunk · 15/10/2017 21:40

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

HelloPossums · 15/10/2017 21:41

What's up?

Broken11Girl · 15/10/2017 21:41

Yes, same here Sad

RosiePosieRosie · 15/10/2017 21:43

Yup - bought a house with an idiot.
It was repossessed and my whole family told me to make myself bankrupt. I didn’t and I’ve paid every single last penny.

It was dark and I remember looking at the stars and thinking they’d seen far, far worse situations.

I’m ok OP - you can survive a lot. Flowers

goose1964 · 15/10/2017 21:43

Still stuck at the bottom, sorry.

RosiePosieRosie · 15/10/2017 21:45

There’s always someone in a worse situation than you. I don’t mean that flippantly - it made me feel better and to do work for charity which meant I was helping someone.

Notreallymeyousee · 15/10/2017 21:45

If you ruined it, it can be fixed by you. Maybe not overnight but step by step. Times like these I remember the time someone said to me “How do you eat an elephant? One step at a time”

Very few things will take your life to the point where you can’t fix it.

Original poster
KateEffinMiddleton · 15/10/2017 21:45

I genuinely have been at fault and done bad things though Sad

OP posts:
arcticnead1984 · 15/10/2017 21:46

Yes but do you know what keeps me going..... the reminder...

Humans make mistakes...

No ones perfect..we all screw up and make wrong decisions...

What's powerful is RECOGNISING its our own fault..so the fact you're owning up and know you've made wrong decisions makes you waaay ahead of the pact.

Feeling guilty and feeling miserable the rest of your life will not undo your mistakes.

You need to move on and make the best life that you can. I've been there and made horrible mistakes and like a previous poster..felt close to suicide many time to just give up.

IM SO GLAD I DIDNT......!

As per Finding Nemo...Just Keep Swimming :)

Notreallymeyousee · 15/10/2017 21:47

Sorry that should have been one bite at a time

QuiteLikely5 · 15/10/2017 21:48

You can always apologise to those you have hurt

Tomorrow is s new day. You can change the future so it isn't like the past

Fishcalledlola · 15/10/2017 21:48

Sometimes you have to fake it to make it. Take a deep breath and carry on, I have been a complete dick in the past, have many regrets and have lost all my friends but I've carried on, got honest, been sorry and try to be grateful for what I have.
I hope you are OK, if you can't talk to anyone, write it all down. I once read people who keep diaries are less likely to have mental health problems as they offload there issues each day.

Notreallymeyousee · 15/10/2017 21:50

Unless you have Murdered or assaulted someone seriously, you need to give yourself a break. We all do stupid stuff. We just have to pick ourselves up and try and make things better.

user1471449805 · 15/10/2017 21:52

Unless you're Harvey Weinstein, in which case you need to get real help.

Original poster
KateEffinMiddleton · 15/10/2017 21:52

I lived with my ex DP up until 6 weeks ago. He shared an apartment with a friend before I moved in. I was in the wrong completely and stole money from the friend. They obviously worked it out after it was missing, DP asked me about it I admitted it and moved out and we broke up. This made things massively awkward for him and his friend. We didn't see eachother for a month and bumped into eachother and started working on rebuilding trust. I'm now homeless, staying with parents when I can but they don't want me living here as we don't get on. I'm also unemployed so can't pay rent anywhere right now. Then the other day I was out for a friends birthday (they paid) and I bumped into a girl that exDP friend is seeing and accidentally mentioned another girl he was seeing also. This got back to the friend who told my ex and so obviously he was furious at me seemingly intentionally causing problems again. He says he hates me. And I hate myself for hurting him this badly. So now homeless unemployed no family friends or the man I love. All because of my own bad actions.

OP posts:
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 15/10/2017 21:56

Hold on; you split up six weeks ago, and he’s now seeing two new women and has told you about both of them?

Notreallymeyousee · 15/10/2017 21:57

Ok so there are few problems, but not insurmountable. Are you in the U.K.? Can you apply for local authority housing? Apply for jobs using your parents address as the contact address. Think you need to write off the ex - likely no coming back from that, but doesn’t sound the greatest relationship. Did you take the money because you needed it or because it was there?

sizeofalentil · 15/10/2017 21:57

Yes - at least twice. Made really stupid mistakes and totally ruined things for myself.

But… Life did go on, no matter how hard it was, and now I'm in a really happy amazing place and love my life.

So nothing is insurmountable or totally unfixable in the end Flowers

cafenoirbiscuit · 15/10/2017 21:58

No one died. Apologise, see how you can save to pay the flat mate back, go to the council and get somewhere new to live. Live your life well. Tomorrow is the start of the rest of your life.

Original poster
KateEffinMiddleton · 15/10/2017 21:58

@Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar you're confusing my ex and his housemate.

I needed the money. I thought I could get it back in time but I couldn't

OP posts:
BellaNoche · 15/10/2017 21:59

Hey, so sorry that you are feeling so bad. It is hard, a step at a time. Debt, crime, whatever, it can be done.

Writing it down, just for yourself, can be helpful in just getting your thoughts together as Fishcalledlola suggested.

Hope that you can come through these dark times to better ones.

ReanimatedSGB · 15/10/2017 22:01

Well, first thing: you are not responsible for the fact that some man is lying to his girlfriends about being monogamous - and doesn't even care enough to hide it very well.

That jumped out at me from your post, but there are also a few other things. I wonder if your parents were neglectful and abusive, or at least emotionally abusive, in your childhood. I wonder how manipulative this XP of yours is. I wonder why you felt the need to steal money - do you have a drink/drug problem, were you being blackmailed, did your XP expect you to give him more money than you could afford?

It isn't good to steal people's money, of course, but a lot depends on why you did it and whether it's something you do frequently. And one petty theft doesn't 'ruin' a life. You can pay back the money, apologise, never do it again, and put it behind you. But you need someone to be on your side - is there anyone?

Treats · 15/10/2017 22:04

You're taking responsibility and that's the main thing. Focus on finding a job so that you can pay rent again and move out from your parents' place. In time, you can pay your ex-DPs friend back for the money you took.

Put everything into your job hunt and let the rest recede into the background for now.

The great thing about being entirely responsible for your own misfortune is that there is nobody stopping you from turning it round. All best wishes OP - you'll be in a better place soon.

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