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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this too much me time?

47 replies

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 15/10/2017 15:29

Had a row with DH this morning, not sure if I am being U so thought I'd put it out there!

We have 2 DC, ages 2 & 4. I look after them the majority of the time, although work part time. I do school/nursery drop offs, collections and take them to all events, parties, days out etc. I also do all the housework, shopping and budgeting. He works full time 8-5 but never wants to do anything with us at the weekends so I tend to take them out by myself or with my parents.

I go to the gym one or two evenings a week and a weekend morning, around an hour out of the house each time. He is more than welcome to go out or take up a hobby, but he doesn't want to so I figure as he is sat at home of an evening anyway it is a good time for me to go out. Today I asked if I could pop out this afternoon for a couple of hours to the shops on my own. He completely flew off the Handle telling me I live a life of luxury while he is always working.

Does this sound like an unreasonable amount of 'me time'? I guess I could use the crèche and go to the gym during the day but I like to do something with my youngest when I'm not working.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 15/10/2017 15:31

He sounds like a dick. So he does fuck all around the house and with the kids and he sees himself as some kind of martyr?

Ugh.

Yika · 15/10/2017 15:33

What Atrocious said. Atrocious is a good word actually for your DH's attitude.

BringMeSunshinePlease · 15/10/2017 15:34

What hours do you work?

Therealjudgejudy · 15/10/2017 15:36

Atrocious is bang on the money.

Ttbb · 15/10/2017 15:38

8-5 is hardly full time. Tell him Roger a properly demanding job before complaining

Original poster
Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 15/10/2017 15:38

I work School hours 3 days a week

OP posts:
PersianCatLady · 15/10/2017 15:41

I actually think that if you can it is better to leave kids at home with one patent rather than drag them around the shops at the weekend.

Your DH sounds mean

LindyHemming · 15/10/2017 15:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BringMeSunshinePlease · 15/10/2017 15:42

8-5 is 45 hours a week so definitely full time. It can be exhausting but he sounds like he has a pretty good deal if you do all the housework and childcare! YANBU but perhaps sit down with him and try to find out if there are bigger problems (he's got problems at work for example).

NoKidsTwoCats · 15/10/2017 15:42

How on earth isn't 8-5 full time? Hmm

Oh and yes, he's being an arse.

LindyHemming · 15/10/2017 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mittens1969 · 15/10/2017 15:44

That is so unreasonable of him! He clearly does sod all with the kids, leaves you to it all. You shouldn’t feel guilty at all for taking some ‘me time’ to recharge your batteries.

Alicetherabbit · 15/10/2017 15:45

He's being unreasonable. My dh does more hours than that so I can't have time in week for gym. But we have weekends are joint responsibility and I get Sunday mornings free.

OnionKnight · 15/10/2017 15:46

8-5 is hardly full time

Are you on glue?

Uptheduffy · 15/10/2017 15:46

You are at home two days a week, but with small children, so it’s great if you can get a bit of shopping and housework done. At the weekend you should be sharing everything. He is bvu.

WineAndTiramisu · 15/10/2017 15:49

He is being unreasonable, have your asked him why he doesn't want to spend time with the kids at the weekend? Doesn't sound like he's involved in their lives very much from what you've said

Original poster
Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 15/10/2017 22:28

He never has been too involved with the DC. He hates toys in the house and is extremely selfish in that if he doesn't want to do something, he just won't. For instance he doesn't like picnics, so won't join us if we are doing that but might join if we're eating in a restaurant. He doesn't realise that small children are not fun to handle in restaurants!! He is extremely old fashioned in his views on women and child rearing. Unfortunately this didn't become clear until the birth of our first child (second was contraception failure before anyone asks). I have posted about that before and general consensus was to LTB but easier said than done!

I think I am not expecting an unreasonable amount of time on my own so will try to discuss it. I did go to the shops by the way, and he has done a few jobs round the house so wonder if he knows he was in the wrong Wink

OP posts:
SnowiestMountain · 15/10/2017 22:29

Ugh, he sounds dreadful.

BrieAndChilli · 15/10/2017 22:35

Leave him and then he’ll have to have the children every other weekend for the whole weekend and do everything with/for them!

Seriously though you need to sit down and have a talk with him, he needs to realise the value of all the unpaid work you do as well as the importance of being in his kids lives in a meaningful way. Does he read them stories/chat with them do anything with them at all??

puglife15 · 15/10/2017 22:40

8-5 is full time by the definition of 37.5 hours pw but is NOT "always working" assuming he's not doing evenings and weekends too etc. Does he contribute at all? Cooking? Other chores?

I wonder if he's stressed by something else and that's why he's been so unreasonable this time?

But he sounds łike a dick full stop tbh.

What does he do while you entertain the kids all weekend, out of interest?

whitehorsesdonotlie · 15/10/2017 22:42

So you have the DC all weekend too? Don't they ask what daddy is doing and why he's not with them? what a selfish twat.

SmallBee · 15/10/2017 22:51

What positive impact does he have on you and your dcs life?
My dh works the same hours and is setting up a non for profit and he does all the diy, half the cleaning (I do all the cooking) and is an equal parent in every way. He has no excuses, your DH is lucky you don't ask more of him but he at the very least should be happy to help if you do ask considering how lightly he is getting off.

keepcalmandfuckon · 15/10/2017 22:52

LTB. It’s so obvious.

Willowy · 15/10/2017 23:03

I’m flummoxed by this comment:

He completely flew off the Handle telling me I live a life of luxury while he is always working.

Errrrmmmm, if he works 8-5 five days a week, what is doing at the weekend when you take the children off his hands? Is he too not ‘living the life of luxury’ whilst you are run ragged with two young ‘uns? Hmm

What does he occupy his time with at the weekend? I bet it’s PlayStation/Xbox or something equally mind-numbing.

scrabbler3 · 15/10/2017 23:07

What do you like about him? He doesn't seem to have many redeming features.