Who's being unreasonable? Me or DH?

[PhDPepper]

DH has just been sick. Loudly enough to wake me up and he was downstairs and I was in bed. He’s got back into bed.

He’s insisting he’ll be going into work today. Infecting everyone with his sick germs, he says his job is too busy to take a day off sick.

He is going to have client meetings, court and be in the office all day. I said he’s unreasonable for going in and infecting people (potentially) he says I’m unreasonable for taking a day off if I’m sick (vomit) but I’m a nurse and if I went in with D&V all hell would break loose!

He is being VVU

He is.

I’ve told him he’s being selfish and gone into the spare room. In my eyes he is being very selfish. He doesn’t know who might have a weakened immune system.

YANBU about you not going in.

You mentioned court. Potentially he's not being unreasonable, is it a criminal case? Would the case be abandoned without him? I have to say if that was the case there are circumstances I might go in. If it meant a lot of people were going to have a case hanging over them for months longer causing serious distress I might.

He's being VVU. He's a solicitor? I am too. Bums on seats culture is one thing but all firms I've worked at have made it clear they don't want illnesses spreading. Better just his clients inconvenienced than 5 people's.

@MargaretTwatyer no it’s a civil case and counsel is doing the advocacy he’s just supporting the client today

vomiting doesn't have to be a "bug" it could just be something that doesn't sit well.

@Dashper yes he’s a solicitor. He’s got an important client conference today tbf but he’s not doing the advocacy at court as they’ve already instructed counsel. I just feel like banging my head against a wall with him sometimes!

As Out said, he may not have a sickness virus, perhaps he vomited because he ate something that was 'off' or had too much to drink?

Has he got D&V or has he been sick once?

If D&V I would expect him to feel too weak/tired to go into work.

I can see why he wants to go to work as he doesn't want to let people down but also he could put people at risk if he has a bug so should stay home for at least 24 hours.

@diddl he’s been sick 4 times and looks awful. No D yet. His best mate at work caught Noro from his step child this week and went to Work. DH met his friend for lunch the day after he’d been up all night being sick as the friend didn’t want to miss Work...

Well it might "just" stay at vomiting, but I would have thought more than once is enough to not go in-especially if he's feeling nauseous & has that grey pallor!

He is but I understand I once tried to go to court with bacterial tonsillitis

He's a selfish twat.

YABU. If he feels well enough to try go in then it's his decision. I don't buy all of this 'you're putting other people in danger going in spreading germs', germs are everywhere and people have to carry on with their lives, many people can't afford to miss work and won't let a minor illness stop them. For example everyone complains about people going into work with a cold when in someone's average day they're already gonna come into contact with hundreds of people, many of them with a minor health issue, some contagious but not even symptomatic. Use anti bac gel and crack on, world would grind to a halt if everyone who was a bit sick or unwell stopped off work!

If he felt too unwell to go I'd support him fully as all companies should support staff when they're sick with sick pay and trust them to know when they're ill, but if a grown adult wants to go into work YABU to try stop him. His decision.

It doesn't matter if counsel is doing the advocacy though really. As the solicitor he is the one that knows the case inside and out and will be the one that is turned to by counsel should any queries or problems arise. (Solicitor here). He is the one who has supported the client through possibly up to 5 or 6 years of legals prior to "court". It is pretty vital that he is there. Obviously if he was completely out of it then he'd not have to attend but if he feels up to it then he should. Do you know how many cases actually get to trial - seriously hardly any!

Is it just possibly a case of pre-trial nerves rather than a bug?

Alright fair enough I was BU sorry. I will apologise when he gets home.

YANBU, given he's clearly caught it from his mate who went to work, does he not see the irony in passing on the infection even more?

I can't believe you said that Kity
It sounds like he has norovirus. It is horrible and very contagious, and could make anyone vulnerable seriously ill

The OP is a nurse. If she contracts it and goes to work with it there could be very very serious consequences. Don't you ever read the news?

I take it he is a lawyer? If he calls in sick his meetings and court dates will have to be cancelled and rescheduled which will cause huge problems including possibly incurring costs for his client for the late notice canceling court. He will also loose a lot ifbillabke hours. To top it all of you don't actually know that he is contagious, it could just be food poisoning. He has an important job, it's not like someone else can be called to cover his responsibilities if he stays home sick. YABVU

I do think that it's difficult to tell an adult what to do regarding how they feel & time off work though.

If he knew that his friend had been ill all night then he was daft to have lunch with him.

Presumably he has gone into work?

If he's been sick so much it's likely to be noro and he'd be VVVU to go to work. You're a nurse so you know the germs from that can linger for days on surfaces. No one is that important that it's worth putting other people at risk. His colleague is a dickhead. Hope you don't get it too OP.

Law is like that though! I had glandular fever and had a week off (and did not even want to take that but was hallucinating from high temperature) once that had gone I was back in (I don't work in law anymore). It's the culture