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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want a baby even though I'm 37.

36 replies

Lollylolla · 11/10/2017 22:14

I've been with my wife for 8 years, got married this year (we're both women), and have two step-sons aged 13 and 11. I could never decide whether or not I wanted kids myself before I met DW, and having two step-sons felt like a good compromise at the time, and I do absolutely adore them.

In the past year or so though I've desperatly wanted a child of my own. I had thought it would go away and it was just an age thing and that a lot of my friends had babies/young kids, but it hasn't and now I find myself crying about it when the boys are aware.

My wife has always said she'd like a child with me if I wanted one, and I have spoken to her about it and she's very keen to look further into it. We could afford it too. But my brain keeps telling me I'm being stupid. DW is 42, and even if I fell pregnant today we'd be 38 and 43 by the time the baby was born and it just feels so old. My step-sons would be teenagers with a baby sibling which wouldn't be great for them, and my relationship with my step-mum was awful after my brother was born for a long time and I really don't want that for my step-sons. I don't know if I would even be able to get pregnant at my age, or how long it would take.

I guess this is more a WWYD than an AIBU but I can't seem to get my desperation to have a child to settle with my brain.

OP posts:

0hCrepe · 11/10/2017 22:16

Do it! I was nearly 41 and dh 44 with our 3rd with a big gap. It's been fab.

KimmySchmidt1 · 11/10/2017 22:16

I'm 37 and pregnant, I don't understand your point? Most middle class professional women get pregnant at my age having earned lots of money and built a career - it is not upremotley unusual. Having an 11 year old is unheard of!

So I find your question utterly bizarre to be honest.

0hCrepe · 11/10/2017 22:16

Do it! I was nearly 41 and dh 44 with our 3rd with a big gap. It's been fab.

DangerousBeanz · 11/10/2017 22:16

I had my dd when I was 40. My ds was 18. It's the best thing I ever did. She's wonderful as get big brother adores her.

Teawithtoast · 11/10/2017 22:16

I'm 38 and my six month old is my first. Took me two years to conceive, but mainly due to coming off the implant. I ended up having an emergency c-section, but I don't think that was age related.

LouLouLove · 11/10/2017 22:17

had my first just before my 39th birthday, do it if you want to do it.

DangerousBeanz · 11/10/2017 22:17

On and my DH was 43. He agrees.

mummypeepee · 11/10/2017 22:18

I'm nearly 39 and my younger ones are 2 and 6 months old. Its not too old at all go for it!

SnowiestMountain · 11/10/2017 22:18

Do it! You’re not too old!

divafever99 · 11/10/2017 22:19

I don't think 38 is that old at all these days. I am 34 and many of my friends a similar age are only just starting to have children. As long as you are fit and well and can give a child the love and attention it needs I would fo for it.

napmeistergeneral · 11/10/2017 22:19

37 is not too old to have a baby! It's completely normal where I live, no one would bat an eye. If you are both happy with the idea and can afford it then go for it! Good luck!

0hCrepe · 11/10/2017 22:20

lots of middle class professionals also have babies before 30, like I did. Not unheard of!

Ohyesiam · 11/10/2017 22:22

I had my first at 38 and my second at 40.

lookingbeyond40 · 11/10/2017 22:22

I had mine little man at 38!if you are both in agreement then go for it! You want this child, you will be fab parents and certainly not too old!

All the very best x.

Apileofballyhoo · 11/10/2017 22:22

Not old at all. Go for it. So many of my friends and family are having babies into their 40s and nobody bats an eyelid. You are just a spring chicken!

MissConductUS · 11/10/2017 22:22

I had mine at 39 and 41 (the medical term is geriatric pregnancy) and it worked out brilliantly. They're now teenagers and doing fine. It's quite normal where I am, although getting pregnant can be more of a challenge.

I'm quite glad we waited.

albus55 · 11/10/2017 22:23

Don't worry about the age gap in kids. My parents had babies when I was 15 and 21 and I have a great relationship with both brothers. It means I get to take them out and have them over for sleepovers. It's different to my relationship with my brother who is three years younger, but just as good :)

DragonNoodleCake · 11/10/2017 22:23

Do it, DD1 is 12 years older than DD2... it worked out just fine

AnneGrommit · 11/10/2017 22:27

I don't think it's too old to have a baby but do you think it would help you to make a decision if you had a fertility check done? Just that if it did turn out to be a realistic possibility or not then at least you're making your mind up in the light of that, especially if there are going to be additional hurdles to overcome depending on your method of conception.

I would do that quickly though, if I were you, having seen friends go down the donor sperm route not always successfully at similar ages.

40andFat · 11/10/2017 22:29

I'm 40 have a 16yr old DS a 5yr old DS and a 9 month old DD. There's no right or wrong answer to this if you want it to work it will work

HeteronormativeHaybales · 11/10/2017 22:35

I had dd at 38 (conceived at 37), and our older two were 10 and 8 when she was born. It's not without its challenges - dividing my attention three ways can get interesting - but the older two adore her and she them, and she's just wonderful.

I've a friend who was 43 when she had her second. It's not that old. (And people always had babies at this age - it's just that they had their first ones a lot younger and more altogether).

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 11/10/2017 22:38

I had my first at 37 and I'm currently in the early stages of pregnancy at 40. Having a child actually made me feel younger.

My Grandmother essentially had two families as her first husband died leaving her a widow with young children. She then remarried when the children were teenagers and had some more children with her new husband. There was 19 years between her eldest child and her youngest and yet they get on really well and always have.

Italiangreyhound · 11/10/2017 22:41

Our dd was born when I was 39. Our son adopted age 3 when I was 48.

Please do what is right for you. Don't let step children stop you bring a parent if that is what you want.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 11/10/2017 22:41

Good God you're still in your prime.
Go for it.

I'm almost 42 and even i wouldn't feel past it having a baby. I have more energy now than I ever did in my 20s

NorthernLurker · 11/10/2017 22:44

37 is fine, go for it, in fact have two

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