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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - Waking partner up

31 replies

Flatt7 · 25/09/2017 03:06

Well, obviously i'm up at 3am after tossing and turning for ages. Sad

Went out of bedroom and to an adjacent room to get water. Crept out of the bedroom in the dark and turned the light on in the adjacent room to, ya know, see. Hmm

Came back to bed and partner is pissing and moaning I woke him. Angry He came back after a long trip yesterday and I made a big welcome effort with cleaning, cooking, tea on tap, etc. Feels like he hasn't appreciated of it...just been called selfish and unthinking. Sad

Aibu to be fuming!?

OP posts:
Tangfastics · 25/09/2017 03:22

Yes you Abu to be fuming. A little annoyed would be more reasonable.

His response was out of proportion but if he's really tired maybe just let him get back to sleep and apologise to you in the morning?

blahdyblahblah · 25/09/2017 03:24

I turn in to a lunatic when I'm woken up sometimes. Blush

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 25/09/2017 03:33

I'd probably be the same if woken when utterly exhausted TBH!

Could you have closed the bedroom door before turning the kitchen (I assume) light on? Would that have helped?

Cavender · 25/09/2017 03:41

I’m not quite sure how making dinner and cleaning ameliorate waking someone up in the middle of the night.

Obviously it was unintentional on your part and clearly he was grumpy but to be honest most people are when their sleep is unnecessarily disturbed.

He probably won’t remember in the morning.

Put down your phone, the light will not help you get to sleep at all.

Think about keeping a bottle of water by your bed in future.

ArchieStar · 25/09/2017 03:53

I wouldn't be fuming if I were you but I understand where you're both coming from. Can you keep bottles by your bed?

Only1scoop · 25/09/2017 03:54

'partner is pissing'

Ugh Grim

Send him to the bathroom

PovertyPain · 25/09/2017 03:54

My oldest wakens me, sometimes, when he comes in from a night out. I feel furious when he does, as I'm a bad sleeper. The fact I'm on at this bloody time and have to get up in 3 1/2 hours kinda proves that. I would not be happy with a light being switched on, as that's even worse than noise. I think your DH has every right to be pissed off. The welcome home is a separate issue.

KinKinCat · 25/09/2017 04:12

Until I found a perfectly fitting eye mask I would have been annoyed with my partner for doing this. If you want a drink of water use the light of your phone to see or shut the door so you don't disturb anyone.

KinKinCat · 25/09/2017 04:14

If I'm tossing and turning I go sleep in the spare room or on the couch so I don't disturb my partner and he does the same - it's just basic common courtesy.

Atenco · 25/09/2017 04:16

I HATE being woken in the middle of the night for no good reason

MrsOverTheRoad · 25/09/2017 04:38

Was he actually pissing? Shock

I'm also grumpy when woken. My DH sometimes moves around the room at night or gets up and goes for an apple! I get irritated.

Original poster
Flatt7 · 25/09/2017 06:23

Pissing and moaning...it's a saying....just means moaning a lot. I guess I ABU Shock

OP posts:
MrsOverTheRoad · 25/09/2017 06:53

If I get woken in the night, I feel it for the whole of the next day. Some people cope better with broken sleep than others.

LoniceraJaponica · 25/09/2017 07:14

If DH can't sleep he goes downstairs quietly and doesn't wake me up by switching the light on.

I get very grumpy if I am woken up in the middle of the night.

Why don't you keep a glass of water on the bedside table next to you?

Original poster
Flatt7 · 25/09/2017 07:38

By the by, I switched the light on in an adjacent room, and the faint glow woke him. Not the bedroom.

OP posts:
sandgrown · 25/09/2017 07:42

My partner is suffering with depression and sits up.drinking many nights. He falls asleep, wakes up when he gets cold and comes to bed about 5am. Without fail he wakes me up and I can't get back to sleep. Drives me crackers.

Threenme · 25/09/2017 07:45

Y do ppl do nice things to throw in people's face? I tidied up and made tea, doesn't mean I am never to have anyone annoyed at me again!

ArchieStar · 25/09/2017 07:45

Fwiw OP, I have sleeping issues too so I do get where you're coming from. However after a few nights of "you woke me up then" etc etc from others I now make sure I have my phone with a flashlight on it, a drink and some form of entertainment (handheld game/Netflix app on phone/etc) so when I do have a bad night DH isn't disturbed as much :)

Sniv · 25/09/2017 07:50

Shine a light in my bedroom at 3am and I'd be like a sabre toothed tiger.

So, yes, I'd be annoyed as, unless the adjacent room doesn't have a door or its an ensuite with external light switch, it'd be completely avoidable. Even with our ensuite, we turn the light on from inside with the door only open enough to poke a hand out.

strawberrygate · 25/09/2017 08:00

I'd be more annoyed that he was pissing in the bed

SeaCabbage · 25/09/2017 08:08

Iwould be annoyed too. By you. Clicking a light switch isvery noisy in hte middle of the night. As is any noise, ie running a tap etc.

Couldn't you have a glassby your bed? And why were you tossing and turning at 3am anyway?

nigelsbigface · 25/09/2017 08:58

My boyfriend got up to let our dog or at 4.30 this morning. Which was in fairness a nice thing for him to do-however he turned the light on whilst he did it Angry.i am a terrible sleeper and never get back to sleep once I've woken up.
But I didn't feel I could say anything as he had got up with the hound...

I'm now at my desk unable to keep my eyes open...

RonSwansonsMoustache · 25/09/2017 09:04

I really struggle to get back to sleep if I'm woken up in the night. I wouldn't be impressed if I was woken up for something avoidable, really.

Apologise for waking him, and keep water by your bed in the future. Would you be happy if you were woken up at 3am after a long work trip away?

RB68 · 25/09/2017 09:20

Am afraid my response to that sort of moaning is that so is he if he expects me to just lie there and be quiet in case it disturbs him despite needing a wee/drink or whatever. I get up take my stuff to sofa and sleep downstairs if am tossing and turning alot. Am currently trying to sort spare room/craft room/office to be a bedroom as well so I can actually sleep on a bed when this happens.

Ttbb · 25/09/2017 09:23

It's a good thing that we're not married. I have no self control between waking up and having breakfast.