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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send an email complaint after music lesson

40 replies

TribbleWithoutACause · 23/09/2017 18:28

So, basically I have been considering sending ds1 (7) to music lessons. Having had a bit of a think, I thought maybe drums was the way to go. So I Googled local teachers and came across one who stated on the website that they taught my sons age group. Simple email exchange where I asked about prices, availability and we were invited for a trial lesson.

So we went, and the guy basically spent the entire lesson telling me how unsuitable my sons age group were for lessons. That he only does the trials in case the child is a drumming prodigy etc etc. He taught my son a basic rythm, but it was so boring, he didn't attempt to make it fun or interesting or even share his passion for music. He basically spent the entire time telling me how pointless it was to teach my child's age group, as we left the guy said 'I've got another child coming in a minute, I expect it will be the same thing again.'

Now I'm not expecting my child to be the next superstar, but I wanted him to learn and have fun. Music is important, and I wanted him to have the opportunity to play something, even if it's just for fun (my son did manage to get the rythm right a few times).

Argh, I'm so angry at this guy, he basically wasted my time, money and precious little energy.

Why on earth did he even bother inviting us along? I've come out the other end of the lesson feeling totally perplexed.

I want to send an email expressing as such, but should I even bother.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 23/09/2017 18:31

Absolutely do. Express the opinion that if he considers 7 too young then he should not offer them a taster lesson. At best a waste of time for all concerned. At worst, bitterly disappointing for a little boy with his heart set on drumming.

LetZygonsbeZygones · 23/09/2017 18:35

How ridiculous. How likely is he to find a drum prodigy out of all the kids he invites for a trial. It's a really negative thing to do too for the kids who then get told it was a waste of time them bothering to show up. Very unprofessional indeed. I've not heard of any teacher doing something like that.

Please don't let this idiot put your or your DS off learning an instrument. I don't think I would waste any more of my time on this guy. I doubt you will make him reconsider his attitude and practice. What other instrument do you think might suit your DS?

xyzandabc · 23/09/2017 18:35

Move on an find someone else. He obviously doesn't want to teach that age group, so quite why he does trials with them I don't know. But sending an email isn't going to get you or him anywhere.

We have a fantastic drum teacher who takes them from age 4 and is just about the most enthusiastic teacher I've ever met. The kids all think he's a superhero!
So I don't think it's really about age, more about that particular teachers personality.

You've already wasted enough time and energy on this chap. Put the rest of your time and energy in to finding someone better.

LetZygonsbeZygones · 23/09/2017 18:40

Actually, matilda makes a good point. I think she is right to mention it on behalf of all the other kids and their parents who go for a 'trial' lesson in future and like you and DS, leave cross and disappointed.

hidinginthenightgarden · 23/09/2017 18:46

Sounds like an easy way to make money to me...
How much did he charge? He may be able to make an extra £50-100 a week not actually teaching anything at all.

BarbarianMum · 23/09/2017 18:46

Ds1 started kit drumming age 7. He's now 11 and on grade 3, also plays percussion in a brass band. Guy's talking out of his arse. If he doesn't want to teach 7 year olds he shouldn't offer tasters to them. It's also quite unusual to pay for tasters ime.

FittonTower · 23/09/2017 18:53

I've been learning/playing music since I was primary school age and changed teachers a number of times (due to moving cities/countries and teachers retiring rather than being fussy or owt) and I would say that music teachers are like driving instructors and counsellors and you need to find the right fit as much as there being good or bad teachers.
However. If a teacher thinks that 7 year olds are too young then he shouldn't see 7 year olds. I would probably email and suggest that seeing a 7 year old when you have no intention of taking them on (baring some mythical prodigy status) can give an enthusiastic 7 year old a poor enough first experience to put them off music for some time and it might be a good idea to re-look at his policies.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/09/2017 19:02

I wouldn't bother. You cannot argue with stupid. As others have said, put your energies into finding a great teacher.

Piggywaspushed · 23/09/2017 19:05

Sounds like he thinks he's the guy in Whiplash... what a pillock.

LittleBirdBlues · 23/09/2017 19:07

That's awful. DH is a music teacher, and his youngest student is 4 years old. There is always something you can teach when it comes to music!

He sounds like a crap teacher. Keep looking. Good luck Wink

Me264 · 23/09/2017 19:09

YANBU about the lesson. But YABVU to encourage your DS to play the drums!! They are huge and soooo loud. My DB had a drum kit and my DM said the worst thing about it was that band practice (there's a lot of that in the teenage years) always had to take place at our house as that's where the drums were. Some truly awful noise came out of DB's room for many years.

Roomster101 · 23/09/2017 19:09

He sounds like a con artist if he is charging children for a "taster" lesson when he has no intention of teaching them anything. There probably isn't any point sending him an email put would it be possible to leave a bad review somewhere to perhaps reduce the chances of him ripping someone else off?

Giraffey1 · 23/09/2017 19:18

I wouldn't bother. He clearly has an inflated sense of his own amazingness! Find a different teacher who actually cares about instilling and nurturing a love of mudic in their pupils no matter how old they are or how much talent they possess!

PopGoesTheWeaz · 23/09/2017 19:26

I think email to explain your point of view but more importantly post this review somewhere like google maps (if hes listed there) being as factual as possible (ie not emotive) to warn off other parents about this aspect. He may be great for teens but sounds like hes no intention of teaching primary students.

billybagpuss · 23/09/2017 19:29

I doubt it will make any difference but actually I would send an email. I am a music teacher and whilst I don't offer trial lessons as such if the kids are young I'll say to the parent that we should see how it goes and invite them to sit in too. At that age you have to vary your approach depending on the child, some can easily sit still and concentrate for half an hour whilst others need to spend 15/20 minutes playing beat and rhythm games. But taking your money when he gives you the impression that he had no intention of taking on your child unless he is the next Phil Collins is just wrong.

Please don't let this experience put you off, there are some wonderful drum teachers out there.

GrandDesespoir · 23/09/2017 19:31

That sounds enormously arrogant to me, not to mention discouraging. Probably not worth expending more energy emailing this pillock chap; just try to find a better teacher.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 23/09/2017 19:35

My DS started drums at 7. Did all the grades, played in jazz bands and brass bands and rock bands. Basically he is a shit hot seemingly effortless drummer, which we put down to him starting so young. I don't think my son was a musical prodigy or anything starting at 7; it all seemed fairly straightforward.

Both my son's drum teachers were top blokes and really good with kids. I'd look for another teacher.

SisterMoonshine · 23/09/2017 19:35

Could he maybe have been trying to suss out how keen your DS is? It sounds like it's all about what you want.
It's hard enough teaching children so young, more so if their heart's not in it.

demirose87 · 23/09/2017 19:38

I would complain if he charged for the session with no intention of taking him on. It's misleading and an easy way for him to make money. Probably won't get you anywhere but he needs to know it's not on.

Witchend · 23/09/2017 19:57

Ds plays the drums and started when he was 8yo.

The first lesson is quite boring as they're doing basic rhythms on the snare, which was a bit of a shock to ds. I think ds thought he would walk in and play on them all straight off.
However ds really wanted to play, so he put up doing and practicing) the boring stuff and is now doing very well.
However I think a very large percentage do give up very quickly as playing and practicing is very boring at the beginning.

I think ds' teacher considers 8yo to be his minimum, and he regards the first lesson very much as a test lesson to see if the child is capable of concentrating and following instruction. Plus if they like him and want to continue with him.
I suspect if you phoned him with a 7yo he might well say that he doesn't normally take them until they're 8yo, but he'd be willing to see if he felt they were mature enough to make an exception. I don't think that's unreasonable-he's certainly said to older ones that he doesn't think they're ready to learn before now, he's very clear that he doesn't want to waste people's time and money if the child isn't able (either by maturity or lack of practice) to get enough out of the lessons.

And actually that's great. because ds knows he needs to work hard and concentrate (which doesn't come easy to him) if he wants to continue. He will tell him off if he hasn't practiced and he will praise when he'd done well. It works very well with ds. Other children probably would find it a bit intimidating, and that's fine too.

Mrsmadcatlady · 23/09/2017 20:04

I think you need a different teacher! I'm a drummer, and I have lessons as I need (at my age) a bit of help but I've been drumming in and off for 30+ years!

Please don't let it put you off, great teachers are out there! I wish my parents had let me drum when I was younger! There are some great electronic kits out there (I have an alesis crimson, my next door neighbour doesn't even know I drum). Good luck!

GrasswillbeGreener · 23/09/2017 20:05

I agree that a paid taster lesson should not be offered unless it is plausible that you will teach the child. I'd expect to have a phone discussion first if this teacher doesn't want to start them young. Don't pay / feed back that it was inappropriate. It takes different skills to teach music to younger children effectively so I respect a teacher with a lower age limit - but not if they suggest that they will teach a certain age and then in practice won't.

(coi teach violin, small number of students, down to just turned 4 yr olds but at the young end it is all about the work you can do with the parents)

Original poster
TribbleWithoutACause · 23/09/2017 20:08

As for this being for ds wants, he was quite keen to have a go. He's a very creative sort with a good sense of musicality. I'm not expecting bloody fame and fortune from him.

Plus how do you even know what you like unless you give it a bash, whilst he's seen drums being played he's never been able to have a go.

To answer another poster, I was expecting beat and rythm games, I figured they'd start from absolute basics to be honest. That's how I started with music.

Additionally, I know kids will sound shocking whilst they're learning. But well, it's half the fun isn't it.

OP posts:
Original poster
TribbleWithoutACause · 23/09/2017 20:33

Anyway, thank you for your input. I'll leave the email and search out another teacher and give it another bash.

Thanks all.

OP posts:
Lavabravacava · 23/09/2017 20:56

7 is not too young! My DS just passed rockschool grade 1 at 7. He has a super cool teacher and has been learning since he was 5, with no pressure, just going at his own pace.

I'm a musician too (not percussion) and this teacher needs to know that he needs to decide who he wants to teach and then teach only that age group with a dedicated and positive attitude.
This teacher clearly doesn't realise that your 7 year old will one day be in his desired age group and you will not be interested in his lessons because you remember his whiney attitude.