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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask if this sounds rubbish

48 replies

Disinterested · 22/09/2017 10:53

Hi everyone. Sorry it's a wedding one!

I'm 23 weeks pregnant and my partner and I, a bit last minute, have decided to get married before our baby arrives. We have never wanted a big thing - I've always said if we could get married by post then I would have done!

It's 3 weeks away (on Friday the 13th - hopefully not an omen!) and I'm beginning to stress that it'll be a bit naff for our guests.

We are getting married in a registry office with just my Dad and his parents as witnesses. We are then going to a posh hotel where we will meet our guests. We have hired a small room out with a big table in the middle and our 20 guests (all just family) will have prosecco on arrival, a 3 course meal and all drinks paid for by us.

The thing that is worrying me is that it is not 'weddingy' at all. We are not having a cake, photographer, etc and I am not wearing a wedding dress, just a normal navy dress.

Would you guys be a bit Hmm this isn't very formal Hmm or would you understand that this is just how we are? I think I'm just getting a bit jittery and don't really have anybody to talk to about this irl.

Sorry for the ramble!

OP posts:
heatherpurple · 22/09/2017 10:55

For me as long as the bride and groom are happy I'd be happy with it! To me, as long as you're not doing any harm to anyone, the formalities and what "should be" doesn't really matter.

Ducknose · 22/09/2017 10:56

I think it sounds lovely. That would be my ideal wedding to be honest, although I'd have photos and a wedding dress, purely my own preference though!
I can't think of anything more meaningful than a low-key day with just your close family Smile

ManchesterGin · 22/09/2017 11:00

Sounds lovely. I'm sure your guests will be happy to be celebrating your wedding with you.

Have a great day xx

Subtlecheese · 22/09/2017 11:01

It's fine. Your guests know you and are there to mark an occasion. I imagine they will be honoured to toast your future life. I would take photos, just as getting everyone together doesn't happen every day.

YellowFlower201 · 22/09/2017 11:18

Sound lovely!! Enjoy your day.

Kittykat93 · 22/09/2017 11:32

That sounds perfect to me ! Me and my fiancé want to do the same sort of thing. Can't be doing with the hassle/money of a big fancy wedding. I'm sure the guests will be happy seeing you both do things how you want to :) if anyone has a problem stuff them!

DragonBone · 22/09/2017 11:38

Sounds like it's gonna be a lovely no pressure day ! Enjoy it x

zzzzz · 22/09/2017 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scampimom · 22/09/2017 11:44

First off, well done for not being sucked into the wedding industry (and it is an industry, as money-focused and impersonal as any other) - if you listened to the magazines and wedding fayre people, it's almost as if you're not properly married unless you spend the best part of a house deposit on a single day. What you "must" have is not flowers and lace and ribbons and page boys and all the rest of it - what you "must" have is two witnesses, all the correct paperwork, and a registrar and assistant. And if you're in love and it makes you happy, I would be honoured to go to such an intimate, happy wedding. More power to your elbow!

amusedbush · 22/09/2017 11:45

We went off and got married just the two of us (photographer was our witness, only need one witness in NYC) and it was brilliant. I had a wedding dress because that's what I wanted on the day but there was no party when we came home, no cake or frills or fuss. It was exactly what we wanted.

If you are happy then do it your way!

TooDamnSarky · 22/09/2017 11:45

sounds lovely.

eddielizzard · 22/09/2017 11:45

sounds perfect to me. wish all wedding were like this!

ChinUpChestOut · 22/09/2017 11:46

You have invited a small group of family and friends to a celebratory lunch on your wedding day. I would be thrilled to be included, and it's up to you how you do it. Don't worry about a photographer, I'm sure people will happily be taking photos of you both and the guests anyway (unless you specifically ask them not to), and it's a huge cost to have a professional in for a low key event.

The only thing I would do (and that's because I love flowers) is to ask the hotel to put some flower arrangements on the table in my favourite colours and then let the guests have them afterwards, if they wish. I might wear a corsage as well, but then - I do like flowers! I certainly wouldn't bother with a bouquet.

Enjoy your day - it sounds simple and elegant.

ProfYaffle · 22/09/2017 11:47

Sounds almost identical to my wedding! (except for the pregnancy thing) we loved our day, as did our guests. Never regretted it for a second!

FizzyGreenWater · 22/09/2017 11:48

I love the sound of it. Really dignified and celebratory with all the important things - good food, drinks, nice setting - but none of the fluff and faff.

I think if you're worrying about it, maybe add a couple of things in? You absolutely don't have to though.

How about making or buying geust presents, for example. Because there are so few people, you could possibly spend a bit more on these and make them something genuinely nice rather than just the generic things you usually get. Bone-handled small penknives, silver compacts, small boxes of expensive chocs, miniatures of good quality spirits? Something nice to take away.

user1495451339 · 22/09/2017 11:48

Sounds lovely. Do exactly what you want. I would probably have done flower, table decs and cake as I love doing that kind of thing but if you are not bothered I'm pretty sure your guests won't be. They are getting a 3 course meal in a posh hotel, what's not to like??

NeedsAsockamnesty · 22/09/2017 11:50

What you have chosen is the only type of wedding I really enjoy

TanginaBarrons · 22/09/2017 11:53

Oh my goodness, I wish all weddings were like this. Sounds amazing.

womanbehavingbadly · 22/09/2017 11:58

That sounds lovely

We eloped (didn’t want a proper wedding) and we were going to do a reception later on but got so stressed organising it to be enough for a wedding but without being overly wedding-y that I got fed up and ended up cancelling it as I was still stressing over doing favours/cake/dance etc

What you’re doing sounds great

Prusik · 22/09/2017 12:00

I wore a wedding dress but ditched it about an hour after the ceremony. If you're not bothered, don't worry about it

dontcallmelen · 22/09/2017 12:01

Yy what User1495 has said, but those things are purely personal & if you don't want them, then you don't have to, also lovely that you are paying & providing a lovely meal & drinks, sounds really lovely.
Enjoy & have a lovely day💐

CodLiverOil556 · 22/09/2017 12:01

This is exactly what we had, I was 7 months pregnant. I had my hair done nicely and took our family for a nice meal. I had a bunch of roses to hold. Everyone had a lovely day, we got married so was a win-win day and cost less than £500

deadringer · 22/09/2017 12:02

God that sounds lovely! I hate all the usual crap you have to wade through at weddings. Congratulations and good luck for your big day.

ALittleMop · 22/09/2017 12:02

sounds classy and elegant and really nice
I would say
do have some flowers - even just a simple small bouquet thing and button holes = instantly weddingy and
do do some kind of speeches
and let everyone relax and enjoy being together
perfect

Flippertyjibbetty · 22/09/2017 12:03

You should go for it, sounds great. People who are happy for you will be there and will be happy for you.
We had a registry wedding in a town hall, followed by a 3 (4?) course meal in a private room in a nice restaurant. There were about 40 people, over by 5pm.
We had some people back to our house for nibbles and booze (lunch was dry) and I think everyone had a nice time.
We were focussed on having nice food, and taking the pressure off our guests (and us). We didn't want a big wedding for complicated family reasons and the whole thing stressed us out. It was lovely and low key.
Getting married makes it a wedding - don't worry about being 'weddingy'. We didn't have favours, bridesmaids etc, and noone noticed.