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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are school deliberately trying to exclude DS?

43 replies

Nousernameforme · 19/09/2017 14:14

I will try to be impartial here and just put the facts
Ds has asd
Him attending his school residential trip was discussed with DP his dad and was decided he wouldn't go.
DS was upset at missing this trip, spent that time at home watching you tube.
An opportunity for a day trip has come up we were not given the permission slip
I found out about it by letter this week

I have just had a phone call saying they had spoken to the senco and believe he might have trouble with the journey and the amount of people in the bus. Also they did say a few times that It was up to me and i could keep him off if i thought it was best.

His 1-2-1 will be going on the trip with or without DS

Our other options are he goes to school as normal or stays at home.
We have been told there is a possibility of another trip somewhere local for him at some point in the future.

OP posts:

cinnamontoast · 19/09/2017 14:17

The school is being unreasonable; you should have had the information about the day trip so you could make a decision about where to let DC go. I would speak to the SENCO about it and say that you do not want him automatically excluded from trips. The school should be working towards him being able to participate in all activities, including trips.

cinnamontoast · 19/09/2017 14:18

*whether, not where

araiwa · 19/09/2017 14:18

Why do you think they are trying to exclude him when they repeatedly said its your choice? They have given you the thoughts of the professional senc so you can make an informed choice

greatbigwho · 19/09/2017 14:19

Surely if he doesn't go his 1-2-1 should be at school to support him?

whompoleSaily · 19/09/2017 14:20

The said it was up to you.

How can they possibly be trying to exclude him?

AJPTaylor · 19/09/2017 14:22

If it is his specific 121 make it clear you expect them to be available to your son regardless.
Do you think he can cope with the trip?
If not can he cope with a different routine at school?

cinnamontoast · 19/09/2017 14:22

Because OP wasn't given the permission slip about the trip.

araiwa · 19/09/2017 14:25

Which school followed up with a letter and phone call?

backOffSunshine · 19/09/2017 14:26

It seems like the school are trying to give you the whole picture whilst letting you make your mind up.

If the 1-2-1 is making up the numbers for correct ratios then would you really kick up a fuss so that everyone else has a big headache to deal with?

BarbarianMum · 19/09/2017 14:27

Taking a step back from what the school want (clearly not to have him there), what do you think about him going? What does he think? Do you think he'd cope? Would he enjoy it?

If you think he would, send him. If you think he'd rather have a day at school doing fun stuff with his 1:2:1 then tell them he's going to school and you expect his 1:2:1 support to be there for him. Don't just keep him off so they can use his support to bump up supervision on the trip, or they'll never want him to go anywhere.

BarbarianMum · 19/09/2017 14:30

If the 1-2-1 is making up numbers on the trip regardless, then what happens if the OP's son doesn't want to go? Who will support him at school on that day? Or do you propose they give him a nice day at home illegally exclude him ?

Original poster

Nousernameforme · 19/09/2017 14:36

The letter was a trip reminder so i'm guessing everyone got one and the phone call was with them saying they think he will have problems .

I think he would like to go what i also think is he would like not to be left behind again. But what if it all goes tits up and he has a huge meltdown

OP posts:

Spikeyball · 19/09/2017 14:36

The school should have spoken to you at the time the slips went out. You now need to decide whether or not you want him to go. His 121 should be wherever your son is and should not be included in ratios.

orangeowls · 19/09/2017 14:39

Could you go on the trip too?

BarbarianMum · 19/09/2017 14:39

Its a risk but how likely is it? Does the trip have obvious triggers for him (noisy, full coach fi, or the stress of being out of routine)? Are there things that could be put in place to help him with these (Sitting at front of coach with 1-2-1, headphones and ipad on coach, timetable for the day, map of place he's going?

orangeowls · 19/09/2017 14:40

Also I don't think you can say they are excluding him as they have said it is your choice.

averythinline · 19/09/2017 14:42

a few things spring to mind - his 1:1 goes where he goes - i think they are hoping you'll say he stays at home...they can then use use 1:1 for ratios.
If he wants to go I really think you should say so and he goes with his 1: 1 the school should work with you/him 1:1 on planning the trip around his needs
If he doesn't go he should go to school-with his 1:1
if he has a melt down on the trip then they should manage it with his 1:1 as they would at school

Witchend · 19/09/2017 14:43

Do you think he will cope?

Did the school phone you on their idea or because you asked them to?

If he won't cope and you wouldn't have wanted him to go then save your fight for something better.
If they phoned you on their idea it sounds like they're doing their best to think about him.

If however you think he's likely to cope and they only contacted you after you'd asked them to, then I think you need to have further discussion with them and ask that such things are talked about first rather than later and they didn't make decisions like that without you.

cochineal7 · 19/09/2017 14:44

It is not clear at all if school purposely withheld the permission slip, or it just got missing (happens a lot). They sent the follow-up letter, and kept stating that it was your choice, so it makes no sense they would not have given him a slip.

user1498726699 · 19/09/2017 14:45

SN child here too. He was banned from school trips despite my offering to come too (they had enough parent helpers apparently) as they couldn't guarantee that he would 'behave'.

The fact they didn't even bother to give you a permission slip certainly does seem to indicate a lack of inclusivity.

Was the phone call in response to you checking asking why you didn't receive the slip?

His 1-2-1 should be at school with your DS if you decide not to send him.

GandolfBold · 19/09/2017 14:50

If the 1-2-1 is making up the numbers for correct ratios then would you really kick up a fuss so that everyone else has a big headache to deal with?

The 1:1 isn't there to make up the numbers, she is there to support the OP's DS and therefore should not be included within the ratios. The clue is in the job description.

araiwa · 19/09/2017 14:50

Do you have a special process for permission slips?

taratill · 19/09/2017 14:51

backoffSunshine Wow just Wow, you obviously have no idea of what it's like to have a SN child.

OP no way should you be concerned about causing other people a headache.

Your Son's 1 on 1 should not be making up ratios at all. They are there to either support your son on the trip or at school if it would be best for him not to attend.

He should not be excluded to suit the school.

bananacakerocks · 19/09/2017 14:53

It is awful to hear about your bad experiences with school trips.

I go with DS on school trips and when the school did a residential, he was able to go for a day transported by taxi which school paid for.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 19/09/2017 14:54

It's certainly suspicious that you didn't get the permission slip. It could be an oversight, or it could have been deliberate. No way to tell unfortunately.

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