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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are school deliberately trying to exclude DS?

43 replies

Nousernameforme · 19/09/2017 14:14

I will try to be impartial here and just put the facts
Ds has asd
Him attending his school residential trip was discussed with DP his dad and was decided he wouldn't go.
DS was upset at missing this trip, spent that time at home watching you tube.
An opportunity for a day trip has come up we were not given the permission slip
I found out about it by letter this week

I have just had a phone call saying they had spoken to the senco and believe he might have trouble with the journey and the amount of people in the bus. Also they did say a few times that It was up to me and i could keep him off if i thought it was best.

His 1-2-1 will be going on the trip with or without DS

Our other options are he goes to school as normal or stays at home.
We have been told there is a possibility of another trip somewhere local for him at some point in the future.

OP posts:

CorbynsBumFlannel · 19/09/2017 14:54

What is he usually like on buses? Is there anything specifically that keeps him calm - drawing, a fidget toy etc?
If he wants to go and you think he will enjoy it then he should go.
Agree with others that if the ta is allocated specifically for your son they shouldn't be taking her on the trip if your son isn't going.

MissEliza · 19/09/2017 14:55

I bet you they're crossing their fingers you'll keep him home and they can use the 1:1 to make up the numbers on the trip. Having done two 1:1 roles in two different schools, I speak with some authority! Don't you dare keep him at home!

CoyoteCafe · 19/09/2017 14:56

It's really not nice that they didn't give the slip, or call to discuss with you whether or not it was an appropriate outing. They clearly discussed it amongst themselves without including you. Ick.

His 1-2-1 should be with him when he at school, not assigned to other duties such as going on the field trip. It's one thing if your son misses a day of school and they assign her other work while he is absent, it is quite another for them to make a plan for the 1-2-1 that doesn't include him.

I have a daughter was asd. It's so hard to know which field trips are appropriate. Some were amazing for her and really helped her become more confident of herself in the world.

How do you think he would do on the bus? Is there a way you (or someone else) could drive him to the destination and he could be part of that without having to ride the bus? What if you could take him, he did the field trip stuff, and then he could have the option of riding the bus back with the 1-2-1? Just throwing out some ideas....

CorbynsBumFlannel · 19/09/2017 14:57

I'd bet my bottom dollar that's what's happening too MissEliza

Aeroflotgirl · 19/09/2017 14:57

The school should have asked you first, and you make that decision, they took it out of your hands.

Starlight2345 · 19/09/2017 15:05

I have a child with SN's although he loves school trips..Last trip was quite a worry how he would respond so we had a meeting about how he could be supported on trip, what he thought would and wouldn't help.

In the end they listened to him, he was put in a group with his closest friend and his class teacher and had a fantastic time.

If you think your DS would enjoy the trip , talk to them about how they will support him.

Original poster

Nousernameforme · 19/09/2017 15:08

Well i have spoken to the senco he is now going i didnt get to address the ta issue (he is a man) but if they.say anything at pickup i will. I am sending him with a busy bag and a tablet for the journey

OP posts:

Original poster

Nousernameforme · 19/09/2017 15:08

OP posts:

Smartiepants79 · 19/09/2017 15:12

Does he want to go?? Do you want him to go??
If so, just tell them he's coming. End of conversation.
It sounds to me like they have just been a bit clumsy in trying to do what they think is best for him.

There are many reasons why you may have missed an intial letter about the trip. It happens all the time.

buttfacedmiscreant · 19/09/2017 15:21

I think I'd want to have a meeting with the school in general about how "we" (they) are going to structure future trips in order for him to be successful. I would then bring up that if "we" decide that a trip isn't appropriate for him how are we going to make up the learning experience that he is missing ... and I'd make it clear that you'd expect that to happen at school with his 1:1. I'd also want it written in my kid's IEP that you get advance notice of field trips by email so there is time to plan arrangements and forms can't get "lost".

Dunno how it works in the UK, but in the US they are expected legally to do what they can to make sure students are not excluded because of their disability and if they don't then you can kick up an almighty fuss. If they have support staff then they are expected to be available for the journey if needed.

buttfacedmiscreant · 19/09/2017 15:26

...and i'd use the words "how do we need to support him to make sure he is successful during future trips?" and ask for some ideas of strategies and write them down as people are talking. If they don't send meeting notes by email or written ones they give to you then I'd make sure I did.

I have also asked if anyone minded if I recorded the meeting "so Xs father can hear what we discussed as he can't be here". People tend to take things more seriously when they are on record.

coddiwomple · 19/09/2017 15:40

When the school bothers to give you a call, you can't deny that you are very much on their list and they're making every effort to communicate with you.

I don't know why you didn't get a permission slip, I wish the school called me when one of mine didn't bring theirs home, for whatever reason! If the school had only sent the p. slip, without any further contact, I bet another parent in the same situation would have complained. Schools can't win. If the 29 other children turn up with their own tablets, you can picture the chaos.

BarbarianMum · 19/09/2017 15:41

Not in conjunction with being told a child's 1-2-1 will be going on the trip "regardless" it doesn't.

Lovemusic33 · 19/09/2017 15:41

My dd has ASD and was at a mainstream school for primary, I was anxious about trips at first but then thought 'if she wants to go then it's the schools job to make it accessible for her' (supply a 1:1 and cope with any problems). I offered to go on several trips but was told I could not go due to not having a police check . I was extra anxious about the residential trip but dd was desperate to go so I sent her, her TA was unable to go at the last minute and someone else had to step in which made me even more anxious. She had a great time and her teacher called me each evening to let me know how she was. She really enjoyed trips and not once did the school try too exclude her from going.

I'm glad your ds is going, m sure he will have a great time, my dd always took a busy bag with fidget toys in and I would send her with extra food (food always keeps her occupied and calms her down if she has a meltdown). She was allowed to take her tablet on the residential but she decided she didn't want too.

captainfunderpants · 19/09/2017 16:02

I would have a chat with the headteacher because I would say that what they are doing may be discrimination, if you decided to challenge them you could have a case (Section 6 of the Equality Act applies in this case - legal definition of disability includes SEN).

The school have a duty to make 'reasonable adjustments' to make sure that disabled students are not discriminated against i.e. placed at a disadvantage compared to other non-disabled students. The law applies to all school activities including trips. They are by law meant to anticipate potential problems and make reasonable adjustments so that all children are included.

It all depends on whether you believe their actions are intended to exclude your child and whether or not they are making enough reasonable adjustments. If you were consulted about the residential trip, did they offer a plan for his support (i.e. the reasonable adjustments they would make) during the trip or did they just suggest and strongly imply they would not be able to cope / meet his needs? Have they made an effort to include him or do you believe they don't want to?

Original poster

Nousernameforme · 19/09/2017 16:03

Just to clarify school phoned me because i phoned them yesterday asking for details.of the trip once i had seen the letter

OP posts:

mamamalt · 20/09/2017 12:01

What the hell!! I am a SEN teacher and used to be a SEN TA and the school is bang out of order! How on earth is he being left with nothing to do on a school day?! As a TA I would have been sent along on the trip to accompany him in the school I worked in.
This is honestly crazy. I can't believe it. You should really complain he is losing out on a whole day of learning?!
Sorry this is happening. Look for somewhere better for your DS! X
Ps special schools are not as bad as they sound! 🙂

Beardedandbalded · 20/09/2017 12:07

Backoffsunshine fuck me, that's the most ignorant thing I've read on here ever! The 121 is theee for the child with SN, not to make up the numbers! Fucking hell!

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