Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this former colleague needs to move on?

72 replies

user1485342611 · 14/09/2017 13:40

We're organising our Christmas party in work. Normally staff who left during the previous year are invited back, but otherwise it's just the current team.

However, a woman who retired 6 years ago comes back to every party. It's getting a bit awkward as she really only knows a small handful of people here by now, given all the staff changes since she left. I only overlapped with her by a couple of months, and many staff never worked with her at all.

This year, Management want to pay for the Christmas party and provide some Secret Santa type gifts. So it was decided to only invite current staff and no one who has left, even within the last year.

Apparently this ex colleague is really annoyed at being 'excluded' from the party and is putting pressure on a couple of people she's still in contact with to get her invited.

She's married with grown up children and grandchildren living near her, so I don't think it's just that she's lonely and has no other people to spend a Christmas celebration with. She also meets up regularly with friends from when she worked here for meals and things.

AIBU to think she really needs to move on and accept that she no longer works here and the Office Christmas Party really means just that?

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 14/09/2017 13:41

She is BU but it's not your problem.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 14/09/2017 13:41

That's a sad story :(

MrsOverTheRoad · 14/09/2017 13:42

YANBU

I was going to say that you should all just accept her as a weirdly quirky thing...and look forward to the day when NOBODY has any idea who she is!

But since management have downsized, she's just going to have to accept it!

Weird behaviour!

MrsOverTheRoad · 14/09/2017 13:42

MovingOn no it's not! OP says the woman has a very full life. She's not some lonely old lady!

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 14/09/2017 13:45

Gosh takjng it a bit personally MrsOverTheRoad Blush

And any way who do you think you are to tell me my own opinion? I find that woman to be sad.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 14/09/2017 13:45

Not blush emoticon, CONFUSED Confused

MrsOverTheRoad · 14/09/2017 14:35

Moving calm down. I never took it "personally".

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 14/09/2017 14:38

I am perfectly calm thank you. You on the other hand are rather presumptuous :)

The80sweregreat · 14/09/2017 14:40

i suppose as the company are paying for this they dont really want 'hangers on' and who can blame them really?
Maybe you should ask management to write to her, or drop her an email, just saying its for current employees only? That way she will know its nothing personal. She won;t like it, but why should she get a free dinner or buffet or whatever it is when she hasnt worked there for 6 years? i can see their point to be honest.

Bluntness100 · 14/09/2017 14:40

Wow, bun fight for no reason.

Must be tetchy Thursday,,,,

meltingmarshmallows · 14/09/2017 14:46

This seems pretty awkward, I agree she should move on!

guilty100 · 14/09/2017 14:46

I am someone who hangs out with colleagues I worked with 6 years ago!! I like to think they're just friends now! Smile I don't go to the Christmas party where they all work, though, because that would be crossing a line - it is about and for the current team.

Surely there could be an accommodation here: invite the woman to post-meal drinks at a local pub, maybe?

The80sweregreat · 14/09/2017 14:58

if she meets up with her old colleagues anyway, they could organise another night for her or something. Sometimes a meet up the pub done on the quick are often the best nights out, better than the organised one.

FenceSitter01 · 14/09/2017 14:59

Perhaps managment like having her there?

FenceSitter01 · 14/09/2017 15:00

Actually OP, does it directly affect you? are you expected to babysit her every time? are you seated next to her? do you have to spend 4 hours makin small talk? Why does it bother you so much?

BeachyKeen · 14/09/2017 15:04

She clearly hasn't moves on, in her head.
Time for a quick note that says this year employees only , and she can meet up with her friends for a hang out on her own time (and dime)

maras2 · 14/09/2017 15:10

Best part of being retired is no more bastard work Christmas party.
Both mine and DH's Smile

DancesWithOtters · 14/09/2017 15:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wdigin2this · 14/09/2017 15:26

When I left an office I'd worked in for decades, I only went back two years for the Xmas do's, tbh after that, I was out of the loop and it got a bit boring! My point being, if she has a full life, why does she need to keep coming back?
But as has been said, unless you're the person actually organising it, why does it concern you? I'd just let it go over your head!

schoolgaterebel · 14/09/2017 15:27

Loving the idea of letting her attend for years until eventually nobody has any idea who she is Grin

Original poster
user1485342611 · 14/09/2017 15:32

Jeeze Fencesitter what is your problem?

Can no one start a discussion about anything on here unless it's seriously bothering them and eating into their every waking moment?

It' called a 'discussion forum' for a reason, you know Confused

OP posts:
RachelP247 · 14/09/2017 15:44

I find it really odd that anyone would WANT to go back to a former employers Xmas party... I never usually want to go to my current one's......

ConciseandNice · 14/09/2017 15:47

I too find it sad. Berate me now.

No one should want to go to a work Xmas party 6 years after they left. Going to them while you're still there is bad enough.

Goldmandra · 14/09/2017 15:50

Actually OP, does it directly affect you? are you expected to babysit her every time? are you seated next to her? do you have to spend 4 hours makin small talk? Why does it bother you so much?

It is quite possible that the OP will end up having to make small talk with this woman instead of getting to know some of her work colleagues better.

Why do you take such offence to the OP's post? The only thing you missed is "If this is all you have to worry about you must have a charmed life."

There are no rules about having to be personally affected by something before you post about it.

SandSnakeOfDorne · 14/09/2017 15:57

We had a woman who used to do this, with the added complication that she was a bit socially awkward and used to be actively hostile to new young members of staff. So people who actually worked there at the time were made to feel a bit awkward by someone who didn't. We just muddled along because everyone was basically nice and didn't want to make her feel bad. I think that's generally the best approach to life.

Swipe left for the next trending thread