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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this former colleague needs to move on?

72 replies

user1485342611 · 14/09/2017 13:40

We're organising our Christmas party in work. Normally staff who left during the previous year are invited back, but otherwise it's just the current team.

However, a woman who retired 6 years ago comes back to every party. It's getting a bit awkward as she really only knows a small handful of people here by now, given all the staff changes since she left. I only overlapped with her by a couple of months, and many staff never worked with her at all.

This year, Management want to pay for the Christmas party and provide some Secret Santa type gifts. So it was decided to only invite current staff and no one who has left, even within the last year.

Apparently this ex colleague is really annoyed at being 'excluded' from the party and is putting pressure on a couple of people she's still in contact with to get her invited.

She's married with grown up children and grandchildren living near her, so I don't think it's just that she's lonely and has no other people to spend a Christmas celebration with. She also meets up regularly with friends from when she worked here for meals and things.

AIBU to think she really needs to move on and accept that she no longer works here and the Office Christmas Party really means just that?

OP posts:

FenceSitter01 · 14/09/2017 16:00

Some of you just walk round looking for what if problems.

opheliacat · 14/09/2017 16:00

YANBU.

I suppose it can be difficult if work has been a big part of your life for so long but personally I'd feel odd sat amongst people who didn't have the foggiest who I was!

opheliacat · 14/09/2017 16:01

No, sand, - it isn't "nice" to make staff uncomfortable.

Spudlet · 14/09/2017 16:02

Why do they invite any former employees along? Most odd. Surely the Christmas party is only for current staff?

FenceSitter01 · 14/09/2017 16:03

Incidentally best phrase I've picked up on here is : not my monkey , not my circus.

Why people go round looking for something to be offended or grumble about is beyond me.

SadTrombone · 14/09/2017 16:06

Fuck me, fencesitter, I don't think I've ever actually seen you stay even close to your namesake - you seem to live for having a pop at AIBU OPs

MehMehAndMeh · 14/09/2017 16:06

Current staff only is perfectly acceptable. I don't think management are that happy with her tagging along or the rule of allowing anyone who left within a year wouldn't have been tightened up (perhaps is was a gentle nudge in her direction). Unfortunately not only has she not got the hint but she's begun actively campaigning for an invite. This runs the risk of having management throw their hands in the air and go screw it we're going to be the bad guys anyway and cancel all arrangements until further notice.

TheLegendOfBeans · 14/09/2017 16:07

Getting back to the issue at hand...

OP YANBU. I am identify where this woman is coming from; at one time work provided me with stability and support that was lacking in all other aspects of my life but I would feel - well - a bit sad really going back to the Xmas party years after I'd gone.

It's good to hold onto relationships but the fact this woman is up in arms about the lack of invite is OTT.

viques · 14/09/2017 16:07

Wow, they must be good parties. I use to try my hardest to get out of Christmas meals even when I worked there, I really resented paying out good money to eat in the sort of restaurant I actively avoid for the rest of the year , in a noisy room seated next to people whose only point of reference was that we worked in the same building, most of who I quite liked, but a few of whom I actively didn't like.

Original poster

user1485342611 · 14/09/2017 16:07

Why people open and engage with threads just to grumble and be offended by them is beyond me.

OP posts:

headhurtstoomuch · 14/09/2017 16:11

Perhaps the 'full life' she's supposedly living isn't 100% true and this is her only time to go out? Find it very odd that she still attends. Perhaps raise with management if there are quite a few of you with the same concerns that she still attends?

purplecorkheart · 14/09/2017 16:12

I couldn't think of anything worse than going to a Christmas Party, not to mind to say from somewhere I left six years ago.

I guess she wants to still feel part of the place but after six years she need to move on.

Crunchymum · 14/09/2017 16:14

She's married with grown up children and grandchildren living near her

This doesn't mean she is not lonely though?

Personally I think she must be quite lonely of she actively wants to come to the works Xmas do, years after leaving the company I hate going to mine now and I am a current employee

Can you not email her and explain that this year due to shift in way it is being financed, she isn't able to come but maybe offer a festive lunch and those who used to work with her can sort this?

WipsGlitter · 14/09/2017 16:14

What do the people she actually worked with think?

opheliacat · 14/09/2017 16:16

That actually made me splutter with laughter, Trombone

opheliacat · 14/09/2017 16:20

Anyway re the Christmas office party gatecrasher. Personally I would be surprised if she's lonely, purely because for those who are suffering from feeling isolated, imposing yourself once a year on people you dont know isn't generally the best way about it.

What is more likely is that on some level she still sees herself as part of the workforce. Put simply, she hasn't yet moved on. It's no bad thing for her hand to be forced.

Whitney168 · 14/09/2017 16:21

But whether it's sad and she's lonely, or not - the OP says management are paying for the party. Does she really expect them to pay for her when she doesn't work there any more? Does she think her ex-colleagues would rather management didn't pay so she could attend?

It's a company-funded party, she can't come.

Original poster

user1485342611 · 14/09/2017 16:21

Most of them find it a bit odd as well.

To be honest, if she is still at a loose end six years after leaving the place then coming to the Office party every Christmas isn't really going to solve that. She would be better advised to get involved in something where she will meet new people and have something interesting to do with her time.
She seems to be quite an outgoing woman and talks a lot about minding her grandchildren, going shopping with her daughter, going on holiday with her husband etc so I don't think she's lonely. Bored, maybe, and missing work but the place she worked in doesn't really exist anymore. Most of the staff have changed, Departments have been restructured and so on.

OP posts:

PuppyMonkey · 14/09/2017 16:24

The colleagues who still know her will just be able to say it's a management decision and out of their hands.

We had s sort of similar situation in one of my old offices where a retired colleague would come in and visit every other Thursday. It was always a bit awkward as everyone was very busy and didn't really have time to talk to him, but then over the years people left and he really didn't know many there - but he kept coming in.

Eventually the place got a new hardline receptionist who refused to let him in as he didn't have an appointment and she couldn't get hold of any of us as we were on phone/in meetings or etc. Now that was sad.

Discotits · 14/09/2017 16:26

It's a bit David Brent.

PuppyMonkey · 14/09/2017 16:28

May I be the first, as this is a thread about Xmas parties - the new glitterball emoji.

Looks s bit strange on my phone actually but never mind!

Rafflesway · 14/09/2017 16:32

Sorry but this lady definitely needs to move on!

I was self employed for the last 17 years of my working life - pre retirement - but when employed, like many pp's, I would do anything to get out of the company Christmas party.

As someone mentioned previously, not having to attend is one of the real perks of being retired. . Can't understand what this lady gets out of it at all. . Was she there for 40 years or something? That could possibly explain why she can't let go.

ReanimatedSGB · 14/09/2017 16:36

Is her name Joey Maynard?

opheliacat · 14/09/2017 16:38

Looks more like a bomb Puppy!

GetOutOfMYGarden · 14/09/2017 16:40

Ooh, that's a bit weird. I grudgingly went to a grand opening of the new building for a place I used to work, stayed for a grand total of 20 minutes, and felt enough of a lemon because there were so few people left I worked with and the few I did I'd forgotten their names.

Still, it's not her party. Management are paying, management decide the guest list. Tough tits.

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