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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to pay for everyone except for one bridesmaid?

32 replies

user1471516536 · 21/08/2017 20:01

Hi,
I am getting married in October and originally only my hair and makeup was going to be done professionally, with family members and bridesmaids doing their own.
Recently my sister/ Maid of Honour asked to have her hair done professionally as well and I agreed because we fall out easily and I want things to go well on the day.
Then my Mum and Granny asked for their hair to be done as well.
However, one bridesmaid- my sweet and lovely friend- is getting ready with us. Should I pay for her to have her hair done too? She wouldn't mind if I didn't and I would be happy to do her hair myself. It would be helpful if one of us could do her hair since then more than one person can get ready at a time.
On the other hand, it seems really mean if everyone gets their hair done professionally except one person.

WWYD?

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 21/08/2017 20:03

Tell you sweet and lovely friend what's happened and I expect she will be perfectly happy to be done by one of you.

Witheredtits · 21/08/2017 20:03

Don't leave her out, she will feel awful.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 21/08/2017 20:04

I would treat them all equally.

littlemisssweetness · 21/08/2017 20:04

I'd pay for her as well even tho she says she doesn't mind I think she probably will think it's a bit shit

Believeitornot · 21/08/2017 20:04

I can't believe you're thinking of leaving her out?

Nuttynoo · 21/08/2017 20:04

At my wedding hair and beauty was for family only. None of my friends minded & actually expected it.

PinkHeart5911 · 21/08/2017 20:04

I think it looks very mean if you leave her out tbh

Belindaboom · 21/08/2017 20:05

Don't leave her out, it's just cruel. It's always sweet and lovely Ines who don't make a fuss who miss out.

LurkingQuietly · 21/08/2017 20:05

Why are you paying for everyone if they've asked to have it done? I'd tell them to stump up themselves!

Lenl · 21/08/2017 20:07

I'd pay for your friend. It's not going to be that much more expense and while she may not mind it's not really fair. Getting hers done too is the far nicer thing to do.

It's not fair that your family's ability to steamroller you means she's the odd one out.

OlennasWimple · 21/08/2017 20:08

I can't believe you're really asking this... This really an all or nothing situation. If you can't afford to pay for everyone, ask them to contribute to the cost and offer the option to your other friend as well.

Original poster
user1471516536 · 21/08/2017 20:09

Ok fair enough! I'll pay for her.
I knew I should.... just getting that horrible feeling when you know you're spending too much.
But it shouldn't be that just because she's nice she doesn't get paid for!

OP posts:
Josieannathe2nd · 21/08/2017 20:09

If everyone else is having their hair professionally done then hers will stand out as looking different. Are your mum & grandma paying? If not I think you'll just have to accept your paying for friend too.

apostropheuse · 21/08/2017 20:10

Oh you can't leave one person out, that would be awful.

DillyDilly · 21/08/2017 20:11

Pay for your friend too, of course. Anything else, even doing her make-up herself would be beyond rude.

Ttbb · 21/08/2017 20:12

I would explain the situation to her.

leccybill · 21/08/2017 20:12

Why aren't you having nice and lovely friend as MOH instead of sister who you don't get on with?

Plink42 · 21/08/2017 20:12

For my daughters wedding - I paid for my hair & make up & my daughters (the bride) my daughter paid for the bridesmaids-
Ask ure mum I'm sure she Wudnt mind at all-

acquiescence · 21/08/2017 20:15

You should pay for her. To not do would be taking advantage of her good nature. And just mean.

Gonegonegone · 21/08/2017 20:18

I was a bridesmaid for a friend who was a beautician and hair dresser. She did my hair on the day as it worked better time wise and saved her money. But she cut and dyed it for me a few weeks before as a thank you gift for not kicking up a fuss about it like all her sisters and sil did (hense paying for them) and she gave me brand new lip stick and lip gloss on the day as a thank you also (I don't own any so it meant I could retouch through out the day). If you did something special like this I doubt it would be a problem. Some people really don't care about beauty routines that mean so much to others.

Hassled · 21/08/2017 20:18

Just tell your mother and grandmother you can't afford it, because you can't afford it, and they're the people first to drop off the list I'd have thought. Do they realise money is an issue?

Clawdy · 21/08/2017 20:25

No, you certainly can't leave her out. In years to come, you'd look back and regret it.

Ropsleybunny · 21/08/2017 20:29

Why are you paying for everyone anyway? They can pay for themselves!

secondhoneymoon · 21/08/2017 20:31

One more hair do isn't going to add a huge amount to the cost of the overall wedding. If you're paying for others then I can't believe you'd think of leaving her out.

ALittleMop · 21/08/2017 20:35

I'd talk to her (and your mum and granny and sister) frankly and tell them all you can't afford it but they are welcome to pay for their own.

Why are you ending up paying for 4 people's hair in order to keep your sister happy?

Don't skint yourselves - its only a wedding.

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