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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cheeky BBQ guests

32 replies

stargazer2030 · 20/08/2017 23:21

I don't know if IABU but had a family BBQ tonight. I accidentally invited a cousin as I used an old WhatsApp thread. I didn't realise she was on the thread and wouldn't have invited her but she was on and replied saying she was coming. Fair enough - thought it might be nice as not seen her for a while. We used to be really close but just not seen her for ages.
She rocked up fairly drunk with her partner and 2 kids - they had been to the pub already - ate non stop - literally piling plates every time food came came out( she did bring her own booze - about 6 cans between her and partner - literally enough for a short stay). They both ate more food than everyone else put together. After 2 hours as the food was drying up they announced we are going now anyway - bye!
I was gob smacked and am really annoyed. Lesson learned and it won't happen again but aibu in thinking there are some cheeky fuckers around.I would never normally even notice but it was really blatant tonight. What made it even worse is that her partner referred to a recent party they had that none of us were invited to.

OP posts:

Boingboingboing66 · 20/08/2017 23:34

They do sound rude but could it be that you noticed the behaviour more because you were conscious of the accidental invite? It was thoughtless of them to mention their party (pissed perhaps?) but remember they weren't supposed to be invited to yours either so, given that you rarely see them, they WNBU to not invite you to a similar do. They were probably surprised to be invited to yours but felt they should go.

flickertee · 20/08/2017 23:37

Mehhhh I couldn't get annoyed about that.
People come to BBQ, bring drink, eat BBQ food, leave.....

highinthesky · 20/08/2017 23:37

What's done is done. If they were behaving outrageously I'm sure everyone else would have noticed and are grateful of the warning! See it as a service to the wider family.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 20/08/2017 23:40

So you didn't want them to eat?

gobbynorthernbird · 20/08/2017 23:49

You invited people to a BBQ and are shocked that they ate? YABU

Heebejeebees · 20/08/2017 23:51

Isn't the whole point of a BBQ to eat?!They brought their own booze... What's the problem?!

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/08/2017 23:57

Whats the problem?!

I would say that the problem is that they ate more between them than the rest of the party put together for a start. Also, they turned up late and left early, clearly having just turned up to chow down and fuck off again.

They were rude.

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/08/2017 00:00

And when I do a BBQ I dont have unlimited amounts of food. I judge what I think people will eat, add a bit extra and cook that. If a family turn up and eat most of the food then someone else will have to go without.

I always understood BBQ ettiquette to be that you take one of each thing on offer and then only have seconds when everyone has had some food and it is offered by the host. Anything else is just selfish and greedy.

Theimpossiblegirl · 21/08/2017 00:00

On the bright side, you won't accidentally invite them to anything again.
Cheeky feckers.

MyheartbelongstoG · 21/08/2017 00:01

Rude!

They were pissed and had the munchies. Total piss take op.

hedgebitch · 21/08/2017 00:02

I wouldn't much like people to turn up pissed, or to eat loads more than their fair share (expect the drunkenness didn't help their self awareness there). But I do think you're probably being extra sensitive to the other stuff because you didn't really want them there in the first place. Which they weren't to know.

Also, was the party they had a family party? I definitely don't get invited to all my cousins' social things. And you didn't mean to invite her to yours either. In her shoes, having received an apparent invite from you, I don't think I'd feel like I couldn't say yes just because you hadn't been to my last party.

SweetLuck · 21/08/2017 00:12

If I were them I would have thought I was complimenting you by liking the food. Another one here who fails to see the problem.

SuburbanRhonda · 21/08/2017 00:15

Why were you spending the whole BBQ comparing what everyone was eating?

Shouldn't you have been enjoying the company of your guests?

MrsOverTheRoad · 21/08/2017 00:29

I'm another who can't see the issue. If you have a BBQ it's because you want to feed people surely?

Why have one if you're going to hawk eye the guests!?

Whathaveilost · 21/08/2017 00:34

Another one that can't see the problem except you were annoyed that you accidentally invited them and was keeping tabs on what they were up to.

We have people that turn up empty handed, or eat a lot. I don't care, I'm glad people turn up!

perper · 21/08/2017 00:40

Your reaction seems very odd to me. They didn't realise they were unwelcome- seems like you were just a little bitter that they were there to be honest :S

BlackJesus · 21/08/2017 01:02

Is 2 hours not a reasonable length of time to stay?!

Original poster

stargazer2030 · 21/08/2017 04:33

Maybe I was more conscious due to the accidental invite. The cousin bit is a bit of a red herring. We used to see a lot of each and just don't as much. I did think it would be nice to catch up.
Of course I want and expect people to eat and drink and have never once thought this before in many years of hosting it was just so very blatant and very rude ( a couple of people commented so not just me). I am usually just happy people are enjoying themselves. It was literally though plate after plate piled high, diving straight in as soon as something came out and it felt like once they were full they were off.
It just felt like we were an easier and cheaper option than the local takeaway.
I would generally stay longer than 2 hours as well but maybe that's just me.

OP posts:

GnomeDePlume · 21/08/2017 06:18

With 2 kids who didnt know anyone then I would say 2 hours was plenty.

As for the eating lots, when hosting I tend to worry when people arent eating but we do overcater!

It sounds like you were very conscious of them and that anything they did unless they were the perfect guests (and who is?) would have grated on you.

Lesson learned, be more careful with your social media invites.

Roussette · 21/08/2017 07:01

Bloody rude! Get them off that Whatsapp group quick!

Seriously, they sound a nightmare, I hate greedy people with no thoughts as to whether anyone else has managed to grab a sausage before they guzzle it. YANBU

Oblomov17 · 21/08/2017 07:04

All sounds completely normal to me. I can't see the issue.

Roussette · 21/08/2017 07:23

I don't think eating more food than everyone put together is normal but hey ho.....

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/08/2017 16:40

Eating so much that other guests notice and comment on it, is normal? Do eat from plates or just stick your face in a trough?!

SusannahL · 21/08/2017 16:52

Extraordinary that so many people on here seem to think this is acceptable behaviour.

To turn up at a BBQ drunk (with children? What an awful example they are setting) is very bad manners.
To then eat more food than the rest of the guests put together is also very bad manners.

WHY can't you all see that?

PollyFlint · 21/08/2017 17:20

Well ... if I invite people over for food I'm really pleased when they eat loads. I would absolutely expect everyone to pile their plates high as many times as they wanted. I find it a bit joyless when people just politely nibble at a chicken leg and don't go back for seconds, but maybe that's just me. My family is very big on hospitality/generosity when it comes to entertaining so maybe some people would find it a bit overwhelming (I know my aunt did when she met my uncle and first started coming to family gatherings - our family are a bunch of massively friendly Londoners who ply you with food and booze and all talk nineteen-to-the-dozen whereas hers were much quieter and a bit more genteel, perhaps. Her family poured you one small glass of wine and then offered you another one two hours later. My family either top you up every ten minutes or leave the whole bottle in front of you...)

Hard to know how reasonable it was that they left after two hours, really. Was there any suggested end time on the invitation? Maybe they just thought the event was over at the end of the food being served. But I'd rather people dropped in briefly instead of not coming at all.

I think perhaps you were irked because you hadn't really intended to invite them so you noticed their behaviour a bit more.

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