To be frustrated with some comments on baby names forum

[Vitotitto]

I guess I am. But...

Backstory

We are foreigners permanently living in the UK. I have common european name, same spelling as British version. Might be lucky (my name was my dad's choice).

My DH has complex name and it's quite hard to pronounce for British people. He shortens it to the first three letters (in this case it's another common British name).

But regarding his full name it's struggle sometimes. Especially when you have to deal with someone openly irritated with foreign name. 🤔
So for our son we decided to go for western world name. We had the first name and the middle name we loved.

And AIBU to be upset when I see nasty comments about this particular name and to be upset in general when people say rude things about names parents thinking of?

In my native country people are more gentle about names. If that name exists ( proper name I mean) - no comments except other options.

So I'm just a bit surprised my beloved and usually very gentle Brits sometimes...er.. can be quite rude about baby names.

P.S. son's name is more popular in states, but the year he was born it was top 17 in UK too.

I think I'm an anonymous forum people are bound to be forthright about names. I wouldn't take it too personally. My name isn't madly popular, fashionable or 'feminine' from what the opinions on the forum state. I couldn't give less of a stuff if I tried.

People are rude a) because it's an anonymous forum and b) because the posts are normally about possible names, not names that people have already given their child. Far, far fewer people would comment negatively to a parent about the already existing name of their child. I can imagine it stings to see people say that your child's name is horrible, but I think the best solution is for you to stop reading the baby name forums, especially given that you don't seem to currently have a child in need of a name!

Call your child whatever you want and ignore everyone else's opinion.

Sometimes i think its a case of keyboard warriors byt other times i think people just don't think.

I've gone to comment a couple of times on those threads when opinions have been sought but never actually have as I just wouldn't want to offend anyone if I said I didn't like their DCs name.

Names in the U.K. tend to be very loaded. When someone tells you their name people will tend to make (mostly correct) assumptions about who you are and who your parents are. The lower classes tend to loathe the upper classes and the upper class tend to look down on the lower class. The same can be said of lower class or upper class names. You've most likely picked a name belonging to one or the other hence the rudeness. What is it out of curiosity?

Agree that opinions about possible names aren't usually considered rude on an anonymous forum. It's different if the name has already been chosen and it's also different irl I think. It isn't good though, when a name gets slated on here and then someone reading the thread has that name / a dc with that name. It wouldn't hurt for people to sometimes reign in their comments on the baby name board.

However, it's all so subjective. There isn't a name on the planet that everyone likes or dislikes. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with a name, just because someone on MN says they don't like it.

The only time I get really irritated on the baby names board is when people say a name sounds weird or unpronounceable, because it isn't a traditionally English name. I've seen that a few times and it can actually be really offensive.

Thing is, if you post on a baby name thread asking for an opinion, you'll get an opinion. It won't necessarily be one you like. It would be strange if absolutely everyone said 'yes, fantastic, I love it!'

People post on the baby names board because they want feedback on the name. It's not the same as introducing your child and people saying they hate the name.

I had fallen in love with a name for DD, but posted on here to check whether British people would find it easy to pronounce & spell. Posters told me it was the name of an alcoholic drink, which I'd never realised. Some posters were quite harsh, but I'd rather that than everyone saying "lovely" and DD growing up with that name.

It's anonymous, it's only a possible name not the actual name of a person, and opinions are being activity asked for.

Very few people will openly criticise a name in real life. Of course there are some people who are just rude, but they're far from the majority.

Don't you realise that not everyone will like your choice of name?

Do you want everyone who does t like it to not comment or do you expect them to be honest?

If you cannot handle criticism then you should not give your information for the world to judge on the WWW

To be honest, the fact that you aren't from your resident country allows you to get away with a lot more in relation to names. You're given the benefit of the doubt that the name has some sort of cultural meaning or is 'normal' in your country. This was my experience anyway! Run with it and enjoy every minute of your kid (whose name I'm dying to know)!

People are asking opinion on names and getting opinions.

Its likely that in RL they may be so blunt about it. But thats why forums are good. Because most people in real life will try and at least hide their true opinion. So if ask anonymously, you likely to more honest opinions.

If you dont want opinions dont ask. And dont read the threads, if it bothers you.

I am sure not everyone loves my kids names. But i dont care what others think so dont invite opinions on it. If i saw someone being rude about it i would think 'ah well'.

I agree that people will say what they really mean and want to about names on an anonymous forum, but be quite genteel in the real world in the U.K.

I don't know which country your names may hail from, but be proud OP. My name is not at all typically British and I get horrible remarks about it in Europe (DH is German). People are straight up with "that doesn't sound very English". So it may just depend on where you are and who you are with. I love my name and rarely shorten it to make their lives easier. It means something significant and regal.

The whole baby names in the Uk still too strongly tied to class and ethnicity. (You get people on MN telling others not to name their baby Ebony, and the blond ebonys that I've met have been breathtakingly beautiful from equally beautiful and educated parents, then you read on other forums that names like XYZ are "not black or Asian enough" so it happens everywhere.)

It's the inherent racism that bothers me on there.

The amount of names said to be made up, or unique spellings when they are just non-British, or even accepted spellings, shows the intelligence level of the poster.

A lot of them just want to get their nasty twopence worth in.

I wouldn't give them a second thought.

It's an anonymous forum. People would be more polite face to face. However they may also lie and say it's nice when really they mean 'WTF were you thinking?'

If you say that you are from x culture people do tend to be kinder than when it looks like you just picked random name off a baby names website without any cultural link to that name. You'll then get more sensible comments about whether Brits will be able to pronounce it or not or whether it will sound rude or just plain odd - there's a thread running elsewhere about someone who has moved to France with a very ordinarily named DC which just isn't working in France for example.

There are loads of names from my DM's culture that I think are lovely that I've seen slagged off on here - and TBH, I wouldn't name a British child them either and neither did my parents, they gave me a name that would work kind of, it is still mispronounced and misspelt on a daily basis in both cultures.

Oh Vito, I get it. I'm every type of British and pretty much every day feel like I don't understand things here. Someone wrote here that they had never met an actual person with my (very ordinary not at all unusual) name, it was just for dogs . I actually really like dogs so probably less bothered than I should be, but stil...

I think a lot of what we read here is like overhearing conversations from inside a toilet cubicle, people saying things that sound really mean when talking to their mate who knows they aren't that nasty, it's just stupid chatter between friends. They wouldn't dream of saying it to your face and would be mortified if they found out they'd been overheard.

I think online we imagine we are only talking to half a dozen people and have no idea how we are coming across to the many many more who are watching.

I bet your boy is lovely and OWNS his name, his friends and family couldn't imagine him being called anything better.

Thank you all for the replies!

I guess I will never fully understand the class thing we don't have in our countries.

My son's name is Ryan. I wanted something strong with strong meaning, something that cannot be shortened, and dad's name starts with R too. I love the name and it looks as classic to me (probably more in States thought)

And thanks to MN I know it's a) dated (back y from 90s) b) old man's name c) football player name

Ah yes, the whole class thing is incredible. Quite funny though, I love how riled up the lower classes get of you say it explicitly. There is also this weird thing where people have a particular aversion to the class immediately blow theirs (maybe to convince themselves of their own status?). The British are so funny about class.

I agree with Birdsgottafly.

Says more about the posters than the names.

Also what is this 'it's not a real name' business? Like names exist in nature.

That's some weird opinions to get about Ryan! It's a pretty inoffensive name. A- not dated B- Never heard of an old man called Ryan C- I only know one footballer called Ryan (Giggs). It's a nice name.

I love Ryan. .

I don't understand why some people on the babynames topic have to be quite so nasty though. Sometimes its like they are in competition to see who can say the most spiteful comment. Even if I see a name that I literally detest the worst I'll say is that the name isn't to my taste.

Thinking about it I may have said worse but that was only when I thought it was a troll AND before being warned by MNHQ for troll hunting 😂😂.

Are we not allowed an opinion? Just because there's a name I don't like doesn't mean thousands of other people feel the same. So YABU

I do find forums quite funny for names. Everything is either too boring or too outlandish with no in between. There seems to be some holy grail of name that is unusual, easy to spell, but everyone has heard of it, isn't faddy , isn't associated with any class or culture and sounds nice. You have to predict the future too.

They forums are useful for gauging connotations you might not be aware of (local murderer) or people spotting things in the way your name and surname flow (mike hunt) but the opinions do tend to be extreme.

As PP have said, if you ask for an opinion on a baby name, it's not unreasonable to assume that some posters will dislike/hate it and will tell you so. 99% of people are going to tell you straight that they really hate, for eg, Balonze, as a name. However, at the end of the day, if you want to call your poor, unfortunate child Balonze it's entirely up to you.

Our work used to be full of Stephens. Now they are being replaced by Ryans. So, lots of people must like Ryan . Maybe the ones slagging it off are annoyed because they used it themselves and wanted to keep it exclusive. Ignore, and don't take it personally.