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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask her to say 'pardon me' ?

42 replies

ineedagasmask · 07/08/2017 21:24

I have a friend of 20plus years. We are good friends but not mega close and she's 15 years older than me. She lives abroad and is over here on holiday staying with me for 2 weeks. She is a bit stuck in her ways which is fine but the biggest problem is she keeps farting (passing wind)...not just a wee 'poof' but full blown mega farts. She does it when we are sitting watching films, she even kind of sits up a bit off the seat as if to prepare herself for it. She never ever says 'oops sorry' or 'excuse me' she just lets rip! Worst was other night she did it when my other friends were in and it was really uncomfortable but she was oblivious. I know she has had bowel probs in past but as far as I'm aware all ok now and I know everyone farts! It's just the way she just sits and forces mega ones out without batting an eyelid. How do I say to her...for gods sake have manners or go and try and do a poo or whatever..she even did it in the restaurant other night ...how do I I approach it without sounding horrible? I was going to try make a jok of it but she's very old fashioned and I don't think she'd find it funny...help I have another 10 days of this!

OP posts:
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Dancingfairy · 07/08/2017 22:12

Oh wow I would never do that! I can't even fart infront of anyone other than the kids!

skiploom · 07/08/2017 22:18

My DH is like that - his excuse is that his mum just lets rip as well. When I'm visiting the inlaws, it's as if there is a continual farting contest going on, and no one bats an eyelid. I hate it, but they just don't see the problem. I guess I'm stuck up or something.

KC225 · 07/08/2017 22:33

Explain to her that she needs to be a little more discreet, no cheek lifting for echos and then blame it on the family pet

LoyaltyAndLobster · 07/08/2017 22:35

YANBU

shivermytimbers · 07/08/2017 22:36

continual farting competition Grin rank but that did make me laugh

Original poster
ineedagasmask · 07/08/2017 22:39

It's starting to really affect the visit...I'm dreading tomorrow 😩 Tonight she did it loads and it was really stinking...how can she not be embarrassed? I'll never invite her again as I'm really having to think where we can go for day trips that won't be impacted by the noise and smell

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squoosh · 07/08/2017 22:39

She can't be that old fashioned if she's blasting mega gusts out of her arse in front of you. Give it to her straight 'ewwww, go to the bathroom if you need to fart'.

p.s I love that you put (passing wind) in brackets to explain what farting is Grin

Kithulu · 07/08/2017 22:41

Oh god my sister does this too - She doesn't bat an eyelid- or excuse herself. It is really embarrassing!

Original poster
ineedagasmask · 07/08/2017 22:45

Was trying to be polite sqoosh Grin unlike her who is anything but! honestly I'm just in shock I think ...I have been in her company in the past when she did it but having her here I'm noticing it so much more..she's a lovely woman in general, great job, educated...so surely to god she must be aware of what she's doing? Or maybe she's been doing it that long she just doesn't care? Even my dog left the room and he's got an arse like a rotten egg most of the time

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melj1213 · 08/08/2017 00:11

I have an old friend like this, not to the extent that yours does it, but still bad enough to be noticable.

If she does it and doesn't say anything, I usually just look over and say something like "Excuse you!/Pardon you!/Bless you!" in a lighthearted/jokey way and she usually has the grace to look embarrassed and apologise.

But anytime she does take it badly or gets offended I use the excuse that I have a 9 year old and it's just second nature to pull her up about being polite and excusing herself to the other people in the room if she coughs/sneezes/burps/farts etc and doesn't say anything, but since we're on the topic, I would appreciate if she could have a little respect and either acknowledge her behaviour is affecting other people or be proactive and leave the room if she knows it's going to be bad.

OfficerVanHalen · 08/08/2017 00:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoyaltyAndLobster · 08/08/2017 07:26

OP have you spoken to her?

Longdistance · 08/08/2017 07:30

I'd be tempted to say 'if you fart once more, I'm gonna get a cork to stick up your arse'. She needs shaming. Wouldn't kill her to say 'pardon me'.

FrancisCrawford · 08/08/2017 07:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMaddHugger · 08/08/2017 07:56

.

To ask her to say 'pardon me' ?
To ask her to say 'pardon me' ?
To ask her to say 'pardon me' ?
TheMaddHugger · 08/08/2017 07:58

😉

To ask her to say 'pardon me' ?
To ask her to say 'pardon me' ?
To ask her to say 'pardon me' ?
CheeseCakeSunflowers · 08/08/2017 08:15

Maybe each time she does it you could announce "I think it needs some fresh air in here" then open all the windows. Do it every time.

Original poster
ineedagasmask · 08/08/2017 08:28

I've not spoke to her about it yet but if she does it today I'll definitely say something or it's going to ruin the holiday and the annoyance in me will just build up. I'd be really interested to know how the others in her office have dealt with it but don't think calling her boss and asking is a good ideaGrin wish me luck today!!

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Original poster
ineedagasmask · 08/08/2017 08:30

Thanks Maddhugger maybe when she farts I should message her one if those to her phone Smile

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Crumbs1 · 08/08/2017 08:40

Please don't think saying 'Pardon me 'is in anyway acceptable. It's about as common as you can get. Much, much more so than farting.

Tell her it smells and please stop if you must but it is just a fart. I don't know anyone who doesn't fart when required.

AnnPerkins · 08/08/2017 08:47

Crumbs1 what level of snobbery must you be at if you refuse to see the polite intention of the phrase 'pardon me' to excuse oneself?

So the phrase is non-U in your narrow world. It obviously isn't worse than filling other people's space with noxious fumes and not even acknowledging it Hmm

LittleCandle · 08/08/2017 08:48

DF used to fart an enormous amount and it was vile. He could restrain himself if we had visitors, but then afterwards he let rip and the place stank. I remember one time he told me that he'd had visitors (I wasn't there) and after they left he could 'hardly bear to sit beside himself'! Quite why he didn't go into the garden, I never could fathom. XH used to encourage the DC to do this and it was revolting. It took me quite a while to break DD2 of the habit after we split.

I don't think saying pardon me is common - and there is no need to play the trumpet voluntary either! Yes, everyone farts, but the majority of people do not need to be told to go elsewhere to do it, or that it is rude. Sometimes, one will slip out despite your best efforts, but to just sit there and fart, easing your stance for better exit, is just disgusting.

Original poster
ineedagasmask · 08/08/2017 09:20

But crumbs it's not 'just' a fart...it's continual loud smelly wet sounding farts at the most inappropriate of times. I have a large enough house for her to go to another room/bathroom etc what's bugging me the most is her not acknowledging it I'm starting to think it's me going loopy here....but by god they are LOUD

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starfishmummy · 08/08/2017 09:27

I would spray her with air freshener every time....

PastaOfMuppets · 08/08/2017 09:29

What your friend is making you inhale and suck into your body is her shit air. The air that has been nestling her shit. Literally, her shit air.
I think you'll have to be absolutely blunt and say very seriously to her the next time she does it "Mate, that is pretty grotesque of you, can you do that outside?" It's still gross if she does it in her bedroom cos then her shit air is still left to float around in your house and absorb into your carpets and furniture and guest bed.

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