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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU : fuck your pets?

70 replies

DameDoom · 03/08/2017 18:21

I am literally gobsmacked but wonder in my dotage that I am becoming an insular cat lady - well more of one.
I am childless but have two increasingly elderly and doddery cats - they are my babies. Their health problems are minor but like all elderlies they enjoy routine.
Anyway, we are going for 4 nights in the lakes so we can come home if needed (a neighbour will feed and give the odd stroke). I shared this with a friend who was horrified - she has children and told me I was being ridiculous and to go abroad. We always go somewhere hot and usually exotic but I really don't want to leave my vulnerable pets for too long - plus I've never been to the Lakes for a proper holiday.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 03/08/2017 18:23

We went abroad and left the cats in the care of a cat sitter who came over twice a day to feed them/clean the litter

StupidSlimyGit · 03/08/2017 18:24

So you're going somewhere you will enjoy and haven't been before that suits you because you are close enough to come home if you need to.
Plus you are putting your cats (who you made a lifelong commitment to and love) before a holiday.
YANBU, fuck your friend! (not in the fun way Grin) hope you have a lovely time.

MissionItsPossible · 03/08/2017 18:25

Well first off, your friend is being ridiculous for trying to dictate where you should go on holiday and if you want to go to the Lakes then go and have a good time.

I'd say YAB a bit U if the main reason for not going abroad is just because of your cats. Keep in mind though that this is coming from someone that doesn't have any pets, especially ones you've had for so long, so other pet owners may have different responses.

Hope you enjoy your holiday!

GahBuggerit · 03/08/2017 18:25

I clicked on here ready to report this thread!!

Your friend is being an arse, the lakes are lovely even if the weather is a bit hit and miss

Okapoka · 03/08/2017 18:26

YANBU - we didn't go abroad for 3 years due to our elderly dog and in the last sixth months didn't leave him at all. I wanted to be there for him at the end and I am so pleased that I was.
Lakes holiday is a proper holiday! Your friend sounds insensitive but maybe she was just trying to give you 'permission' in some way to stop you feeling guilty?

Sleeplessinguiltyness · 03/08/2017 18:26

Fuck your "friend".
My cats are my babies, and whilst I do go abroad if I had poorly/elderly cats I wouldn't go far, in fact I probably wouldn't even let them out my sight!

Maybe the "friend" was trying to be nice, but whose business is it where you go, other than your own!
[Where's the cat emoji when you need it?!] [Cat]

pinkpantherpink · 03/08/2017 18:27

YANBU. Your holiday plans have nothing to do with her. Your choice to stay in UK. Enjoy your holiday 🍸

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 03/08/2017 18:27

Neither children nor pets would stop me going where I wanted on holiday.

If you can afford long haul exotic, you can afford a cattery if you are worried about imposing on your neighbour too much

64PooLane · 03/08/2017 18:31

Your friend is BU, but I'm a bit unsure whether it's fair to characterise her response as "fuck your pets" if she didn't actually say that. It's not automatically cruel to leave pets, is it? (Not a pet owner myself so not sure.) But obv fine and rather nice that you choose not to, regardless.

Gileswithachainsaw · 03/08/2017 18:34

I don't see the problem.you would t enjoy a holiday abroad if you were worried about the cost if a battery when you got back or whether your cats were ok.

Isn't this what responsible owners do? Weigh up pros/cons/costs/health implications etc then make a decision accordingly?

I think you have been very sensible actually they are old cats and you obviously know it's not fair to leave your neighbour stranded to make emergency decisions if something happens.

Original poster
DameDoom · 03/08/2017 18:38

StillDriving Yes we can afford and no the neighbours won't think we're imposing - we look after their iguana, tortoise and bevvy of beautiful long-haired guinea pigs at a moments notice often - I just can't get over that caring for your pets is seen as almost laughable - by my 'friend' anyway.

OP posts:
Imolderthanithought · 03/08/2017 18:40

To be honest, I don't really see why you are so outraged. Neither of you are being unreasonable.
Not everyone has to love animals. And by that, Please don't take it to mean that I think harming animals is ok.
However, I personally feel creeped out when grown adults talk about having 'fur babies' but I do understand that many people derive great pleasure from having pets too.
I like my dog, but I don't love her, and enjoy holidays away without her. ( obviously not left chained up in the back garden, but with a fully insured dog sitter)

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 03/08/2017 18:40

The Lakes is a perfectly nice holiday; I've already been there this year myself. Luckily, I can bring my dog!
If you're a pet owner you have to be committed and do what's best for them. It's part of the deal. You sound like the perfect pet owner, OP.

Motoko · 03/08/2017 18:40

If you can afford long haul exotic, you can afford a cattery if you are worried about imposing on your neighbour too much

OP's not worried about imposing on her neighbour. She explained that her cats are elderly and like their routines, putting them in a cattery would change those routines.

OP, your friend obviously doesn't understand. Don't let what she said spoil your holiday, there will be lots of people who do understand why you've chosen to stay closer to home.

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 03/08/2017 18:42

Stilldriving it's nothing to do with expense!

AmberStClare · 03/08/2017 18:45

You are right OP. Old pets are a responsibility, I would want to be close by in case of illness or decline. My pets are members of the family and not just a convenience, natural hot water bottle and all that.

DumbledoresApprentice · 03/08/2017 18:46

I got a cat almost a year ago and haven't been abroad since then, we took her with us on a UK holiday at Easter and enjoyed it. We'll probably be going long haul for a couple of weeks next year and she'll go to a fancy cat hotel. Blush If she was old or poorly though I'd stay in the UK. I have a responsibility to care for her, she's a living thing. I also just can't imagine enjoying myself if I was miles away on a super expensive holiday and got a call to say she was poorly. It would ruin the holiday and I wouldn't want to spend £££ on a fancy holiday that I didn't enjoy.

AmberStClare · 03/08/2017 18:48

Oh jealous OP, just seen your update, multiple neighbours pets to look after, bliss.

Original poster
DameDoom · 03/08/2017 18:48

Imolder - it is fine that you are 'creeped out' by people who love their animals. I honestly didn't think I was a proper cat lady...neither did dh 'til we got them but we do love them - genuinely.

OP posts:
Ummmmgogo · 03/08/2017 18:49

yabu in my opinion. I completely agree with your friend. but I hope you have a nice time in the lake district. xx

tabulahrasa · 03/08/2017 18:51

There's nothing wrong with planning your holiday round your pet, I have a dog that has to come with us or we don't go away (medical stuff means normal pet holiday care isn't appropriate for him)

But I'm not quite sure why you need to be able to come home? In a medical emergency, you're still too far away, surely?

FurryDogMother · 03/08/2017 18:52

I totally understand, OP, I love my dogs and cats too, and am also child-free. My husband stays at home to care for the animals whilst I come and care for my elderly father - we take our responsibilities as far as family goes (and our pets are family, to us) very seriously. I hope you have a lovely time in the Lakes, it's a beautiful area :)

Tean1 · 03/08/2017 18:53

I think a holiday in the lakes is a proper holiday but if you really wanted to go abroad then should do so, as you have people to care for your pets. I love my cats and arrange for either a neighbour's teenager or petsitter to feed them whilst we are away, with a back up of a cat loving friend, who would deal with any emergencies.

Our cats do miss us but it isn't too awful to leave them now and then, as long as we know they are being well looked after. I would understand though if other people felt differently, particularly if the pets are unwell.

DonaldStott · 03/08/2017 18:54

So she never actually said 'fuck your pets'. She was merely musing why you would want to go somewhere that will. E wet and windy, when you have someone caring for your pets, no matter where you went?

Misleading title and extremely defensive response. Imho of course.

Imolderthanithought · 03/08/2017 18:57

I'm not creeped out by people who love their pets, it's the expression 'fur babies' that makes my teeth itch!
Just a note, though, I was popping in twice daily to feed and medicate my friend's very elderly cat a few years ago, and on the morning of the day they were due to return, poor old puss was clearly not going to make another day. I tried calling, but as they were in Cornwall, they had no signal. They hadn't left any instructions about what to do in the event of the cat's demise, and I knew they no longer had insurance.
I stayed with the cat all morning, and was relieved when my friends got home at midday. Puss survived long enough for them to take the decision to have it put to sleep later that day.
I'm glad that wasn't my call, but do make sure your neighbours are clearly told what to do in the event of a similar scenario.