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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that my FIL should use the doorbell?

61 replies

Stiffanky · 01/08/2017 07:32

We live very near my DH's parents. They are lovely people but seem to not want to use the front doorbell when they call round. Instead they'll either just appear at the back door at all times of day or night or, like my FIL did this morning at 7:15am, come in through the integral garage and through the internal door, shouting "hello!". Is it unreasonable to expect them to use the front doorbell like everyone else? I can't wander around in my undies in my own house!!

OP posts:

AccrualIntentions · 01/08/2017 07:34

I'd want them to use the doorbell! My parents live 5 minutes away and they pop round quite a bit (my dad has been doing a lot of DIY jobs in our new house) but always ring the bell first unless they're sure we're not in, in which case they'll just use their keys.

Creampastry · 01/08/2017 07:35

Cant you put a lock on the side gate plus lock the garage door? Surely you would for security anyway. If FIL can get in so can others.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 01/08/2017 07:38

I would be concerned about your security if they can just wander in. Start locking all the doors which you aren't near and then not respond to random knocks on the kitchen door. 'Oh FIL have you been standing there for long? Why on earth didn't you ring the door bell?'

SerendipityFelix · 01/08/2017 07:38

Bloody hell, lock your house up OP! Lock the garage, internal door and side gate (/install a side gate so people can't just march round to your back door). Your home sounds pretty insecure.

If there's no other option then he'll have to ring the front doorbell won't he.

Original poster

Stiffanky · 01/08/2017 07:40

They have keys cream so use these to get in the garage door. We don't lock the back gate... no reason to really as nothing of value out the back and it's a safe neighbourhood. We'd have to give them a key for that anyway even if we did as he likes to come and do our lawn. We don't want to stop them coming round but just either ring beforehand or use the doorbell. My husband says he's told them but they carry on anyway!

OP posts:

LoniceraJaponica · 01/08/2017 07:40

Just lock everything like most people do.

Original poster

Stiffanky · 01/08/2017 07:41

Just to clarify.... they are using their keys to get in... we don't leave doors unlocked!

OP posts:

picklemepopcorn · 01/08/2017 07:42

Lock the internal door btn the garage and the house?

Say to him next time he pops up "gosh, ten seconds ago I was starkers pottering around looking for my towel! Please use the doorbell next time!

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 01/08/2017 07:43

Leave the key in the lock then 'for fire safety', they won't then be able to use their key if yours is in it.

TheQueenSnortsAvocados · 01/08/2017 07:43

Depends how shameless you are. Maybe let him catch you doing naked yoga a few times and he'll learn?

*disclaimer: may not work...

vikingprincess81 · 01/08/2017 07:45

Get the keys back off him. If he likes to come do your lawn then he can come when you're home and it's suitable.
Yanbu, but you can't give them keys and then complain when they use them. That's not meant as harshly as it sounds - but YKWIM

Increasinglymiddleaged · 01/08/2017 07:47

I dunno my dad lets himself in. That said though he wouldn't randomly turn up at 7.15am . So yanbu.

vikingprincess81 · 01/08/2017 07:48

My MIL (we get on well because she respects our space and we respect hers) lives just over a mile away - she doesn't have keys, and will call/text before popping round, as I will if I plan to pop round. We have no problem saying if it's not convenient either. There's no real need for ILs to have keys is there?

acatcalledjohn · 01/08/2017 07:49

Yanbu, but you can't give them keys and then complain when they use them.

Of course you can complain. I should imagine the keys were given to them as an emergency set in case it's ever needed.

My neighbours have our key for emergencies and they do not just come in to our house unless they look after our pets when we're on holiday.

Take they keys off him, OP, and find someone else to keep a set of keys for emergencies.

pasturesgreen · 01/08/2017 07:49

You need your DH, his son, to have a word and take the keys back.

Sunnysidegold · 01/08/2017 07:49

Both sets of parents have keys to our house for use when we are not here as they sometimes pick our kids up from school. I had to have a word with mil who, the week we gave her the keys, just let herself in as I was half naked upstairs and frightened the life out of me.i started leaving keys in the lock after that.

SquedgieBeckenheim · 01/08/2017 07:50

Take the key away until they can prove they can be trusted.

Original poster

Stiffanky · 01/08/2017 07:52

I don't mind them having keys and I think that's perfectly reasonable... my husband sometimes asks them to nip round and take the milk in or wait for a delivery, that kind of thing. They also look after our DC one day a week and bring him home before we get back from work... so they need a key for that. The internal door from the garage should be locked in fairness (need to have words with DH about that!). I was shocked at this morning's appearance and said "XX please will you use the doorbell in future!" So hopefully he will have got the message. He said he didn't want to disturb me and that's why he did it that way. Somehow I'm more disturbed!!

OP posts:

madcapcat · 01/08/2017 07:53

My mother, sister, niece and neighbours all have keys to our flat. And without exception they ALL ring the doorbell and wait. My family also always phone or text first to ask if its ok to pop over. I wouldn't have it any other way.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 01/08/2017 07:54

Getting keys to a family members house does not give you carte blanche to wander in unannounced imo. It is pretty basic manners to ensure someone is alerted to your arrival using the front doorbell. I would be fitting bolts on the inside of the back/ side dors and gates 'for security' - or ask your dh to do naked yoga!

MargoChanning · 01/08/2017 07:55

Instead of leaving it up to DH to tell them, why not tell them yourself? It's your home too. I'd say to them directly 'it's nice to see you but you MUST call beforehand. Otherwise one day you'll let yourself in and catch me half naked on my way to the shower! I'm sure neither of us want that to happen. So do ring and speak to us beforehand please'. And be firm with them. If they ignore you and keep doing it, take away their keys.

LadyRoughDiamond · 01/08/2017 07:57

We had exactly the same issue with my FIL. Firstly, we asked him to please ring the doorbell in case we were starkers - he responded "No need, I have my key, look" proudly holding it up - arghh!
In the end we faked an emergency saying that one of us had lost our keys and we needed his spare. When he asked for it back we said he could have it when he'd learnt to use the doorbell! Much harrumphing later, he's learnt his lesson.
I think it's a territory thing with FILs, they actually need retraining, like a small dog.

Original poster

Stiffanky · 01/08/2017 07:57

Margo.... i did tell my MIL exactly this when she used to peer in through the front window after I'd just had my DC (was breastfeeding and DID NOT want her doing that!)! but she just ignored it. My DH tells me he's told them countless times but it's apparent that he either hasn't or hasn't done so firmly enough. I will definitely be calmly but respectfully telling them from now on!

OP posts:

vikingprincess81 · 01/08/2017 07:58

Of course you can complain. I should imagine the keys were given to them as an emergency set in case it's ever needed.

Indeed - but instead they're being used for 7.15an wake up calls. So, I suggested - as you did - for the OP to take them back off them.

Original poster

Stiffanky · 01/08/2017 07:59

LadyRough.... that made me laugh!! And yeah maybe it is..... but surely they realise they are letting themselves into our homes? To the homes of their son's wives? I think it's just a bit odd!

OP posts:

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