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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not accept kids party invite

44 replies

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 22/07/2017 17:13

I think I've already decided but I've no DP around at the mo so I'm wavering as to whether I've got my head on straight...

Dd has been invited to a party. They used to be friends but I can see they have drifted apart (she says he smacks her and pinches her - I've always said to go to the teacher if it's on purpose and he hurts her)

He's invited her to his party. It's an activity thing. Which she also doesn't want to do. Nothing crazy but she's not one for new things.

His mum and I have an interesting past...she originally blanked me for ages at school (including diving into an alleyway to avoid me) then went all nicely and smiley and hounded me so she could invite herself round for a play date (which was horrific and is a whole thread in itself) then when that ended badly she went back to ignoring me. DH suspects she hates me. Found out I work from home so good for childcare. Trying to ingratiate herself and get them together. Then when it didn't work out and she couldn't say 'oh they play so well together we should do this more often' she buggered off again and found another mug mum

I don't want it to trigger off more hassle/blanking/bitchy comments. But I don't think she should go. If it was someone else I think I'd try to push her into trying something new (she'd probably really like it!) But as she says 'I've given you two good reasons' (!) so I feel I should respect her. It's just my dp says to not let my mistrust of his mum colour my judgement.

Phew that's a long rant. Thanks for getting to the end of it. I just wanted some other perspectives.

OP posts:
Japonicathehorseygirl · 22/07/2017 17:15

Just politely decline the invitation

dementedpixie · 22/07/2017 17:16

Just decline and say you have other plans

Floggingmolly · 22/07/2017 17:17

You don't want her to go, she doesn't want to go...
What other "perspective" on the situation do you need??

TheSolitaryBoojum · 22/07/2017 17:18

Does your daughter want to go? Because it's really her choice, isn't it?

Tofutti · 22/07/2017 17:18

I agree with Japonica. DD doesn't to go, you don't want her to go, simples.

Ameliablue · 22/07/2017 17:19

If she doesn't want to go, then decline.

GeillisTheWitch · 22/07/2017 17:19

"Sorry we can't make it that day" should cover it. You don't need to go into details.

Original poster
aaaaargghhhhelpme · 22/07/2017 17:19

Haha thanks. Yes I'm maybe overthinking

Flogging - yes. It's a tricky one as I suspect he still quite likes her and is always calling out her name. Whereas dd doesnt count him as a friend. I doubt she wanted to invite me...but her ds wanted to.

OP posts:
Neolara · 22/07/2017 17:20

Just say thanks for the invite but unfortunately dc isn't free / has a prior engagement so wont be able to come.

Original poster
aaaaargghhhhelpme · 22/07/2017 17:23

Thanks everyone

Sorry I should have said - dd has a habit of saying no to new things but then regretting it and having a meltdown when she sees how much fun her friends are having etc. So we're trying to gently push her into trying new things. I'm not just being mean!

OP posts:
Skylark678 · 22/07/2017 17:23

If your child doesn't want to attend the party, you shouldn't force the situation even if you think she will enjoy it.

Allthewaves · 22/07/2017 17:25

Your daughter doesn't want to go - her invite, her decision

GreenTulips · 22/07/2017 17:26

You not need to justify it to the parents! Mum is probably hoping you'd say no anyway so no surprise

Yarp · 22/07/2017 17:46

Arrange something else for the day, then you have a legitimate excuse

GlitterGlue · 22/07/2017 17:53

Exactly what everyone else says - just say thank you, but dd has a prior engagement.

As is often said here, it's an invitation, not a summons.

JiggyTuff · 22/07/2017 18:05

"Thanks so much for the invite but I'm afraid Lacey can't make it. Hope Josh has a great time!"

Really, how hard is that? Confused

Original poster
aaaaargghhhhelpme · 22/07/2017 18:08

Jiggly - if you read it I've already said I'm pretty decided. Also as dd has a history of regretting not trying new things I wondered whether we should encourage this activity.

Hope that clears up the puzzled face

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 22/07/2017 18:09

Just say thank you, but DD can't come.

Honestly. It's not that hard!

JiggyTuff · 22/07/2017 18:11

Does it really matter what the activity is though? He hasn't been very nice to her and his mum is a bit odd. If you want her to give X activity a go, just book it for you and her.

I'm a single parent. I just make decisions. Jump in and do it too - you'll feel so much better! :)

Original poster
aaaaargghhhhelpme · 22/07/2017 18:16

I've tried taking her to the activity. at first she said no (of course) but she's been asking questions about it lately. Hopefully might get her to try it with me over the holidays. But it's difficult with another little one in tow. I also suspect it's all her friends doing something without her that might cause another meltdown.

Fingers crossed though. Thanks for your help Smile

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 22/07/2017 18:16

I get that DD needs pushed into new things.

But I actually think it's more important to teach her about consent. A boy likes her but is kind of mean. She doesn't like him. She owes him nothing. No time, no attention.

We are really bad at teaching girls this lesson.

UpYouGo · 22/07/2017 18:22

She doesn't like him and doesn't want to go. There's nothing you need to decide.

I've read your updates, but I'm confused about why you're giving this so much head space.

Ohyesiam · 22/07/2017 18:25

Do she doesn't want to go, and you don't want her to go? No brained.

Original poster
aaaaargghhhhelpme · 22/07/2017 18:28

Upyougo - because I don't want her to regret it and meltdown over being left out.
And also that I didn't want my strange and tense relationship with his mum to taint my judgement on DDs relationship with him.

I've already said above I'm probably overthinking.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 22/07/2017 18:32

What Mrs TP said.

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