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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Chubby

33 replies

PurpleFluffyUnicorn · 22/07/2017 04:58

First post, been lurking for a while.

My partner recently asked me if she was chubby to which I replied yes. Now I do not think she is fat or that she needs to loose weight but I would not say her body shape was skinny so if she is not fat and not skinny I though chubby was suitable.

This was obviously not what she wanted to hear so was upset and has told friends and family what I said.

AIBU

OP posts:

taraer · 22/07/2017 05:11

You could of worded it differently but saying curvy..
Chubby is not what a woman wants to hear my ex used to say my cheeks(face) was but that it was cute but body is different I know you probably meant it in a nicer way just wait until she calms down to talk to her

Pengggwn · 22/07/2017 05:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuperBeagle · 22/07/2017 05:19

She shouldn't have asked if she wasn't prepared for you to say "yes". Chubby was her choice of wording also, so that's on her.

OliviaStabler · 22/07/2017 05:24

Chubby = fat.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/07/2017 05:36

Chubby = fat.

this in my book.

Situation handled like a rookie = poorly. Not saying it was your fault as you were on the back foot and she only has herself to blame for you saying yes. Perhaps explain you think chubby means curvy, not fat. And as for going around telling her friends and family, this is very immature behaviour all round. What she really wanted to hear is "I love your body." or "No" or "you are perfect just the way you are".

Italiangreyhound · 22/07/2017 05:38

Yes, you are being unreasonable to say your partner is chubby because she is not skinny.

"Now I do not think she is fat or that she needs to loose weight but I would not say her body shape was skinny so if she is not fat and not skinny I though chubby was suitable." How about saying...

You look normal.

You look fabulous.

I love your body it is just right.

You are ideal.

Please stop calling her chubby when even you do not think she is chubby!

Imspartacusforreal · 22/07/2017 05:41

If she doesn't like the term chubby she shouldn't have used it herself. However the fact she's asking means she is probably insecure about her weight and you could've used that as an opportunity to compliment her and make her feel good about herself, regardless of whether she is actually chubby or not.

MakeItStopNeville · 22/07/2017 05:45

It's Freakin' Lose! Not LOOSE!!!

Toadinthehole · 22/07/2017 05:49

Straight question; straight answer from the sound of it. YANBU.

Original poster

PurpleFluffyUnicorn · 22/07/2017 05:50

She bring sup her weight all the time and accuses me of thinking shes fat, which I don't. The reason I thought chubby is because he belly is a little flabby but she has had kids so its understandable. Going by BMI she is probably at her ideal weight if not underweight.

OP posts:

kateandme · 22/07/2017 05:51

sorry hun.to a woman.or girl chubby=fat or larger than should/want to be.
"I just think your you.beautiful"
"I don't look at your as a size I think your stunning just as you are!
"just right"
"normal" even
never chubby

Italiangreyhound · 22/07/2017 05:51

"she is not fat and not skinny", how is that chubby Toad?

kateandme · 22/07/2017 05:55

so point that out to her.say listen how can you be fat if your bmi is this.fact.
and it doesn't matter if her tummy looks like that.it shouldn't be a focus as woman after birth cant help this anyway.never ever point it out.it a horrific shame to some ladies.rightly or wrongly.
just keep telling her.i no to a man it can seem stupid or dull or "I don't I don't I don't"is all your want to scream.but woman just don't feel it or see it sometimes.you just gotta make her feel good.
don't put one of those labels on her.tell her shes lovely.you don't define her by a labeled size.that she is her and that is gorgeous.
tel; her shes so much more than her tyummy.what makes her shine or beautiful is who she is the kind mum.the good artist.you didn't look to her tummy when you feel in love and still done etc etc.
can seem punishing but some woman just really don't feel great bout themselves.

BadLad · 22/07/2017 05:57

Chubby is unlikely to go down well, even if accurate.

If she does gain weight, zaftig is the word to use. It means having a pleasantly plump figure.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/07/2017 05:57

She's had children. I thought she was mid 20's tops seeing as she's told everyone what you said. In that case she sounds very insecure.

Original poster

PurpleFluffyUnicorn · 22/07/2017 06:02

She has told people more in a joking way. She hasn't gone crying to them all upset.

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/07/2017 06:05

Oh I see. Well you need to talk to her in any case.

Italiangreyhound · 22/07/2017 06:05

PurpleFluffyUnicorn "She bring sup her weight all the time and accuses me of thinking shes fat, which I don't." Then just say when she talks about it, I don't think you are fat.

"The reason I thought chubby is because he belly is a little flabby but she has had kids so its understandable. Going by BMI she is probably at her ideal weight if not underweight." Don't discuss all this with her, if she has issues with her weight she needs to work hem out, talk about her being beautiful, sexy, desirable etc and don;t use any words that might be inflammatory. If you don't know what a word means, don't use it, even if she has just used it first.

She obviously needs to work all this out, you just need to love her and find her beautiful.

revolution909 · 22/07/2017 06:09

Curvy means to have curves think Sofia Vergara and the like, not over weight!! It's a pet peeve of mine how this word has got distorted. Anyways, back to your question chubby does mean slightly overweight / round. By what you have said she's skinny fat but I doubt she'd like that term either. You could actually have just said "nope you're not skinny nor fat". I used to be described that way and thought it was a nice honest answer.

Italiangreyhound · 22/07/2017 06:10

The trouble is OP you are damned if you do and damned if you do not! It's not really fair to keep asking you, which is why I would keep away from potentially damaging words.

Google as many words as you can for desirable and just throw those in, a thesaurus may help.

Original poster

PurpleFluffyUnicorn · 22/07/2017 06:22

revolution909- I have tried to explain the your not skinny or fat argument to her but she still thinks I think she's fat.

Also agree that the word curvy is used by people who are just fat.

OP posts:

Original poster

PurpleFluffyUnicorn · 22/07/2017 06:24

Just googled Chubby comes up as "plump and rounded". Which is not how I would describe her so I was wrong.

OP posts:

Toadinthehole · 22/07/2017 06:25

DW sometimes complains she's fat. She really isn't. Tbh, it gets a bit tiresome.

Generally I say "yes" and give her arse a squeeze. Seems to work.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/07/2017 06:27

I'm a woman. I have kids. And I know how your body changes as you get older. What I can't stand is how some women fish for answers to their questions and then get "offended" when the person answers honestly and respectfully using the VERY WORDS she used in describing herself. Your partner is acting like a baby. If she doesn't like the answer to her question, she shouldn't have asked.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 22/07/2017 06:28

I'd chalk this one down to experience OP.
Stock future answer = you look fine.

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