Three's a crowd

[Merlanguis]

Had a friend stay last week overnight who lives in a different part of the country whereas I live a major city. As a parting remark, I said if you ever need somewhere stay in (big city) our door is always open. Didn't think too much about it. Received a text today asking if she could crash tomorrow for a couple of days for some interviews. Normally wouldn't mind but it's our wedding anniversary & we have a romantic night in planned. Replied 'we'd love to see you but have xyz planned for wedding anniversary'. Thought that would be the end of that. Reply 'oh no worries, I'll just pitch up late and have lots of prep to do so you won't even notice I'm there'.
Slightly aghast. Although, I did offer.

You need to reply "sorry if I wasn't clear, it's not suitable on x date. Another time"

Simple, reply:
Sorry if I wasn't clear, we don't want and won't be having visitors. Hope you get something sorted, good luck at interview

If someone said they'd love to see me I'd assume they wanted me to come!

Maybe this is a wrong assumption... but why can't people just be clear?!

I think you will have to have her now as it will be a bit awkward to explain that you want to have sex so she can't come!

we'd love to see you but have xyz planned for wedding anniversary sorry that not a no. That's a make yourself scarce, in not cooking you dinner etc especially if she's a close friend. You need to be clearer or suck it up

get back on that text and tell her to BOG OFF ....

enjoy your anniversary lady x

You did invite her though so it seems mean to then tell her no.

I think on this occasions you have sent mixed signals and have to let her stay. You need to be more clear and less polite in future!

Saying ours doors open is a phrase you wouldn't say u out can stay as long as we don't have any preference arranged events or anniversaries etc. What if op already had someone staying etc. That seems very short notice for interviews etc so has the friend left it to the last minute to make plans ? I'd txt back saying sorry we planned to shaggy in every room and not sure if the spare will have been ticked off by the time you want to arrive.

I genuinely did mean that she would be welcome to stay (under normal circumstances) however would have expected a) a bit more notice and b) some sensitivity to the fact that we might already have plans. Perhaps I should start paraphrasing to friends in future; our door is almost always open, but please check if it is a convenenient time with us first.

I live quite a distance apart from DH so it is a rare event to spend a weekday night together. He has taken the morning off work the next day so we can spend the night together. Not mentioned to him that we might have a guest joining us. Awkward.

This is the difference between a manager at work saying "I have an open door policy" and a manager at work saying "I'm happy to talk to you, please book an appointment in the diary if you want to talk".

You do need to redefine the boundaries.

In this instance I'd reply
"Sorry, lovely. I did mean it when I said our door was always open, but we are planning to close it next week to celebrate our anniversary together privately. Hope you can find somewhere else to stay next week, and please, please contact me next time, because - almost always - we'd be thrilled to have you for the night.

Good luck for the interview. Love you lots (but it is a special night) x x x

If you were the madhugger woman, you'd include lots of pictures of cats.

Be more specific!

You have to say something!
"Hey friend! I'm really excited for you getting these interviews, I'm sure you'll do well.
I just wanted to be clear about sleeping arrangements. Dh is going to be home for our anniversary, so we aren't up for company. I'm sorry not to be able to help this time, but I'm sure you understand we aren't going to be hosting on our special night"

has OP texted the friend back yet ? you got to nip these things in the bud.. whilst the iron is hot x

I like Beachy and Pengggwn's approaches best.

Out of guilt I'd probably offer to chip in for a Premier Inn tho.

Ok this isn't one of those "the cheek of the woman!!!" threads, so some of you need to calm down a bit.

I agree with Pengggwyn and KeepServing

Yes, that's a nice suggestion from KeepServing

I think that your friend is odd for not understanding what 'we'd love to see you but......' means.

It's also very short notice. I'm sure that the interviews had been set up with more than a day for her to prepare.

So in summary, you're not being unreasonable to text her back and clarify that she can't stay.

Ah sorry that's our naked wii night.

Say this:
I live quite a distance apart from DH so it is a rare event to spend a weekday night together. He has taken the morning off work the next day and that you'd really like to spend some time alone together but you're sorry you can't help out this time and any other time they would be absolutely welcome.

Drinks response is very nice indeed but also clear.

Drinks nails it with that response.

So did you text her back something appropriate OP? Big girl pants required.

How did it go?

@BenLui gave a good response.

Just say sorry for the misunderstanding, you have plans(!) and don't want anyone in the house that evening or the morning. Sorry the dates didn't work out but would be lovely to see you another time.