Another wedding one - family invites!

[candleandbra]

Sorry, another wedding one. Would it be too strange to invite younger children and not teenagers? We need to save some space and figured the teenagers wouldn't be too fussed about not going. But it would mean that most cousins would have their kids invited (most kids toddler to about 8 years old) and then one cousin has two teenagers.

Also another cousin has an adult stepdaughter (wife's from previous relationship) but he has been her dad since she was about 4 or 5. She's a nice kid who I see in passing probably about once every two or three years. Should I invite her and her partner and their kids? Don't want it to seem like I've forgotten her; it would strictly be because I so rarely see her, but might be taken otherwise!

Risky to be picking and choosing which dc to invite. . ..
All with maybe a jokey 'teens optional' line on the bottom. .
Or no dc at all.

Dear god, your wedding, but you risk alienating everyone here... I wouldnt do this tbh, so therefore I think YABU (unintentionally.)

Its just not good form to be so selective Imho... and where do teens begin and little ones end?

I think that would be strange, yes.

If anything you should invite the older ones and not the younger ones.

you can't not invite the teenagers, that's really mean!

I know it's hard when it's tight on numbers but I don't think this is the way forward and could cause a family rift.

I'd say all kids or no kids.

My teens love a wedding! Great excuse to get new clothes and have a day without me nagging them to revise/do chores/get a summer job etc.
Think I had my first fuzzy head due to alcohol at a family wedding when I was 15.

YABU all kids or no kids

No, sorry, that's a spectacularly shit idea. It would basically be taken as a personal snub.

You can invite the adult stepdaughter without inviting her whole family though, if her mum/dad are coming. Or cousins, no kids?

Don't split up children in the same family (under 18s). Either have the wedding child-free (and risk people not being able to attend) or scale back on flowers/ dress/ attire etc and allow the teenagers to come.

I don't think you have to invite your cousin's stepdaughter, but it would be nice of you too. And it seems you want to.

I do have to say if 2 teenagers are going to break the bank, maybe scale back your plans. Can you do a cheaper meal or find a more inexpensive venue? Remember, all you need to get married is your Fiance and an appointment at the registry office. Everything else (big white dress, flowers, photography, vintage cars etc) is optional.

This doesn't sound like a good idea. If you need to limit numbers you don't have to invite all of your extended family. I personally would just invite aunts and uncles and don't invite any cousins and there families.
Another way is to invite no children or apply the 1 year rule if you haven't seen them in the past year they don't get an invite.

You're at risk of causing a lot of bad feeling if you don't include the teenagers.

My sons were 17 and 14 when they went to their first full day wedding rather than just an evening reception and I actually thought beforehand that they wouldn't be bothered and would find it all a bit lame (and before RSVP'ing for all of us I asked each if they really wanted to go).
They LOVED it!
They loved wearing smart clothes, seeing family, meeting family they hadn't previously met...the whole thing.

Please do treat the step daughter in exactly the same way you'd treat your cousin's other biological children.

I don't think so, I think having two tiers of guests some who get to have their children invited and some who don't is a bit risky unless it is a blanket "no under 10's" or something.

I also don't think you can not invite cousin's teens if inviting younger children from cousins.

What you could do is

• only family children, not friends children

or

• only children you have met

I don't have teens but I remember being one but I would have been very very upset to not be invited when all the kids were.

No kids.

Oh dear I've really misjudged this haven't I? Thank goodness you're all here to set me straight!

I won't even mention then that I wasn't even planning on inviting two cousins at all (two sisters, not seen either of them for over a decade). One's married with two Young kids, another married with five kids of around 5 - 18.

I see what people mean about scaling back but there's only so much scaling back you can do if you don't want to be feeding the guests sandwiches.

Love seeing kids at weddings (despite how I may seem right now) so I don't want to impose a no kids rule (also the nice stories about teenagers at weddings have made me see that differently!).

Best thing then might be no cousins at all then. Between my fiance and I, cousins plus their families add up to 60 people (inc about 25 under-10s).

But that's a shame as I have a few cousins who I get on really well with and would like to see there, but I'm sure inviting some but not all cousins (and especially when they are siblings) would be a total disaster!

I think you might be able to get away with some not all cousins if it really is clear that you see a lot of A and B, but not C,D and E. But Aunts and Uncles could be upset I guess. You parents might have a view on whether you could do that?
60 cousin 'duty invites' does seem a lot!

We did the some cousins rule on my side of the family, basically just picked the cousins i actually talk to and evening invites for the rest

You are planning backwards. What you need to do is write up a list of people you would like to attend your wedding. Then you determine your budget. That dictates the level of hosting, your venue and what you can afford to serve in terms of refreshments. There is nothing wrong with having a casual wedding as long as guests are hosted properly.

Don't think about what you want to serve/ the venue you want and then see how many people you can afford- it is a recipe for disaster.

One of the best weddings I have ever been to was a BBQ in a pub garden. So much fun- we played darts, had good cider, everyone was in a great mood. And it cost a fraction of some of the formal, 5 course meal weddings I have been to. Guests care about good food, good drinks, and good company.

It is so easy to get caught up in upselling, and there is a whole wedding industry that is determined to make you feel a failure if you don't match your napkins to the groom's tie. The day after you will be just as married if you host everyone for a hog roast as you will if you hosted them for filet mignon.

Agree with most that the 'divide' on children is likel to cause bad feeling, but, if you regularly see / spend time with / or grew up with a couple of cousins, I don't see any problem with only inviting those.
We have 2 'sets' of cousins - one we saw (and still see) regularly all our lives and they were invited. The others we never see except at the odd funeral of a mutual Aunty. I wouldn't expect them to invite me to a wedding and didn't invite them to mine.

How much space do you have overall? We had space for 102, invited 120 and got 100 acceptances. It's a risky strategy but ours turned out ok and we didn't offend anyone by leaving them out.

I accept that you're screwed if everyone accepts !

Sometimes at wedding you cannot do right for doing wrong. My Cousin had a huge family. Her daughter was really close to one cousin. Best friends, flat shares, holidays together The problem was she had two sisters with six kids between them. The decision was taken to invite all cousins and children to the evening only. That meant 15 Adult and 22 kids.

The cousin who considered herself the bride's best friend was incredibly hurt, not to be invited to the wedding ceremony. The parents argued that you could not invite only one of three sisters. And if you invited those three, the other cousins would feel left out. It is definitely a mine field.