Another wedding one - family invites!

[candleandbra]

Sorry, another wedding one. Would it be too strange to invite younger children and not teenagers? We need to save some space and figured the teenagers wouldn't be too fussed about not going. But it would mean that most cousins would have their kids invited (most kids toddler to about 8 years old) and then one cousin has two teenagers.

Also another cousin has an adult stepdaughter (wife's from previous relationship) but he has been her dad since she was about 4 or 5. She's a nice kid who I see in passing probably about once every two or three years. Should I invite her and her partner and their kids? Don't want it to seem like I've forgotten her; it would strictly be because I so rarely see her, but might be taken otherwise!

I've been mulling it over all afternoon! I think we've decided to put all my cousin's and their families on the evening do only list. It's a 3.5 hour drive so pushing it a bit, but they are still a lot closer than my fiancés cousins! Then my fiancé can put his cousins on the full day list and we just about have enough space in case everyone accepts! Not as brave as the PP who sent out more invites than she had spaces

'Scuse my punctuation!

All kids or no kids gets my vote

I don't get how it would be okay to invite the younger kids and not the teenagers?

I hated going to weddings with my mum when I was younger and would much preferred it as an older teenager.

I'm also assuming that your 'adults' list will start at 18? So also wouldn't really be fair on the 16/17 year olds who feel grown up and on any that actually want to go. Also, if you're not inviting 12/13 year olds, where would they go? I'm sure a lot of parents wouldn't want to leave their kids for a long time at that age. And no adults would be able to look after them.

I would say invite all or no kids. If people don't want to go, they won't, no matter what age they are. Really isn't fair to rule certain people out just because you think they won't really be fussed either way.

I had an "if I've not seen you since I've been dating my fiancé, you aren't invited" rule. My mum suddenly arranged a couple of dinners when she realised that meant that two of her sisters wouldn't get invited! But my parents were both from large families and most of their siblings carried on the trend for large families and I'm the second youngest cousin. Inviting aunts/uncles and cousins (and their partners and children) would have sent us sailing past 100 people before we got to invite anyone we actually have anything to do with in our everyday lives!

So.....

Have I read it right that you are now inviting all his cousins all day, and none of your cousins to the day?

Boy, you know how to come up with divisive plans, don't you

I live on the edge. Plus my fiancé is Spanish so it'd be a bit steep to invite his cousins from Spain for just the evening do!

Maybe more to the point, his cousins don't speak English and mine don't speak Spanish so they might be able to spend the evening together without any of them figuring it out!

Is it really a horrible idea? I was feeling quite happy that we'd got it sorted out!

I don't think that you shpuld put any one 3.5 hours travel just to the evening do tbh - that's a hell of an ask.

Sorry.

I don't think that you shpuld put any one 3.5 hours travel just to the evening do tbh - that's a hell of an ask.

Sorry.

It's your wedding too invite your cousins! Ugh it really grinds me when a wedding is all suited to just one side. Also I doubt any o your cousins will travel 3.5 hours for an evening invite... just invite your cousins and their partners NO kids simple

Don't do it. Invite them all or don't invite any of them.

Parents may not come due to childcare.

If there are people you havent seen for over a decade why are they coming or being invited. When DP and I did our event it was known family only (and friends obv). I mean, on DPs side there would have been a small army of people following that criteria.

You are being unreasonable inviting people you dont know and not inviting the people that you want there.

You could always do like my husband's cousin did - invite absolutely everyone, then get the parents of the groom (who were paying for the wedding for reasons I won't go into) to greet them with "Well! Another cousin! AND his family!" while wearing a cat's bum face.

I would just invite the cousins on BOTH sides who you actually speak to/get on well with. But if you invite cousin Jane (for example), you must also invite her DP & her 3 DCs. Unless you decide to have a complete policy of no children.

If Jane has a sibling (let's call him John for fun) who you have nothing to do with day to day, then I'd send him and his DP & DCs an evening invitation only.

With DPs cousins - obviously you can't expect anyone to make the journey for an evening do - but you don't have to invite everyone either! Just the closest few will do. Maybe you could have some sort of celebration/party in Spain next time you visit for everyone else?

But as a mum to a 19, 16 & 5 year old the one thing I will absolutely say do not do is miss out the teenagers! I can imagine how my teens would feel if their little sister got invited to a big family event & they didn't. Sorry OP, but that's the worst idea I've heard on here re: wedding invites in a long time (although I'm sure you meant well) .

All children in a family or no children.

Sashkin

You are being unreasonable inviting people you dont know and not inviting the people that you want there.

I wish it was that simple! It seems to be more a question of picking the combination which has the least chance of causing any offense.

Thanks for more input re teens - that idea is definitely off the table.

We're not really willing to have a child free wedding. So looks like we'll have to have a cousin free wedding instead! Neither of us are close to any of our cousins, though there are ones we get on better with when we see them at family events, so we can't divide them along the lines of closeness, only along the lines of 'yeah well you're more interesting and open-minded'. Even I can see that would be a bad idea.

We're planning a party in Spain as well, but my fiancé thought it would be nice to invite them to the actual wedding if we have space.

So latest plan is no cousins at all, which means the teen question is moot anyway as it's only cousins who have teenagers.

If Jane has a sibling (let's call him John for fun) who you have nothing to do with day to day, then I'd send him and his DP & DCs an evening invitation only.

This is where the idea for inviting cousins to the evening do came in, but yes I suppose 3.5 hours is too much. Better not invite them at all than just the evening is what I'm getting from comments here.

Id say invite the teens more than the children. Its your wedding. If its children of cousins cant you just invite cousin and one.

You can invite for evening only on that distance, chances are they'll decline, but you can invite.

It's ok to divide between "cousins I'm also friends with and cousins I'm inviting out of duty"

You can't invite his and not yours! That's bonkers. You need to either find a venue he that can accommodate those you want to invite, or scale down

What about making the evening do into the wedding reception? Saves a fortune.

Invisible, can I hire you as my wedding planner?