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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she's a selfish idiot?

50 replies

Alltheleavesareblue · 30/06/2017 17:52

I'm 4 days overdue first baby, it's DP's birthday tomorrow. I've booked us a meal out for when he finishes work. He's working a 10 hour shift tomorrow and won't be home until 6pm I'm on my own during this time and I am heavily relying on him to be on call should I go into labour.

Anyway his mother who I cannot stand has earlier on this week asked to see him after he finishes work for an hour, in a place where there's no mobile signal and her hour usually turns into three hours. He text back saying fine if baby is here if not she will have to wait as he needs to be with me. He's just showed me a message where she is saying she can't wait to see him tomorrow. Hmm

AIBU to think she's just being utterly selfish that she can't wait until next weekend to see him when I won't be on tender hooks awaiting the arrival of our first child stressed to hell knowing if he goes I can't get in touch with him?? It ends up putting him in such an awkward position where he has to choose between us. I point blank refuse to be around her, she knows this too which is why I'm thinking she's putting him in this predicament. So fed up. Sad

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 30/06/2017 17:56

You have to be his priority now. Either she meets him in a cafe near your house for an hour (literally one hour) where he has phone service, or he shouldn't see her.

MissBax · 30/06/2017 17:58

YANBU - he needs to be crystal clear with her though.

MissionItsPossible · 30/06/2017 17:59

Sounds like she has done this on purpose. What has he said he's going to do about it?

squishysquirmy · 30/06/2017 18:01

Would it not be possible for her to meet him somewhere nearer to your home, where he will have mobile signal? And he could tell her that he has a dinner reservation, so has to be back before a certain time. I imagine there is a bit of a backstory to this, which is why I am not sure whether you are a teeny bit unreasonable or not: If you were inclined to, you could push your dinner reservation back.
If it reassures you at all, there is normally a fair amount of time between the first signs of labour, and things getting serious. So there is no need to feel too stressed about your dh not being able to get back to you in time. But I do understand that it is natural to feel too anxious if this is your first baby.

RockyBird · 30/06/2017 18:02

Not really ethical but tell him you have had strong twinges in the morning so he has to be within a signal area at all times tomorrow.

MeanAger · 30/06/2017 18:03

Usually if you want to see someone for their birthday you make the effort to come and see them. You don't make them come to you. If she wants to see him she can come to his home.

Hercules12 · 30/06/2017 18:05

Yabu. An hour with no phone signal is nothing. There's going to be hours of waiting once you start getting twinges.

expatinscotland · 30/06/2017 18:06

Then he needs to text her back, 'I've already told you I can't meet you tomorrow, so I won't be seeing you then.'

Butterymuffin · 30/06/2017 18:06

So why isn't he telling her he can only meet her somewhere close with a mobile signal?

Pickerel · 30/06/2017 18:06

Can't they just meet somewhere else with phone signal?

MeanAger · 30/06/2017 18:07

There is no guarantee of that at all hercules. Plenty of women have given birth on their kitchen floor because their labour was so quick there wasn't time to get to hospital.

toastandbutterandjam · 30/06/2017 18:07

Can she not meet him a bit closer to home? I remember my best friend being overdue and I always met her in places where she could easily contact her family/friends if needed.

Best of luck with your babyFlowers

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 30/06/2017 18:11

Can she not come round to yours and then politely get her to leave so you can go to dinner together?

And no I don't think Yanbu you're already 4 days overdue and with no phone signal where your DH would be it would worry me a bit. Also both times I was in labour twinges quite quickly turned into the sort of pain where I couldn't seem to operate my phone at all. That said everyone is different.

Hairhorror1 · 30/06/2017 18:13

She's obviously BU, but really you are not helping him by point blank refusing to be around her. She's his mum, he's not going to cut her off lightly.

Milkmachine15 · 30/06/2017 18:14

You are definitely not being unreasonable!!! He needs to stay close by and reachable just incase!! For those saying it'll take ages, I had under an hour from first twinges to holding my DS 😂 So better to be prepared!! That's not to say he can't see her if she's willing to travel to see him for an hour before your meal!

SaucyJack · 30/06/2017 18:14

Jesus! No way. Even if she was the best MIL in the world and you loved her dearly.

I didn't have hours of waiting with any of my labours btw. Specially not the one me mum delivered on the lounge floor.

category12 · 30/06/2017 18:24

Doesn't she have a landline?

ChildishGambino · 30/06/2017 18:26

Get some twinges just as he finishes work...?

Wdigin2this · 30/06/2017 18:27

Oooerrr! Looks like she's not willing to allow you the priority you are entitled to, as his partner...and soon to be mother of his child!
This is something he has to resolve , once and for all! He is her son, and of course she is entitled to some consideration, but you now come first.....especially this close to the birth of your baby!

MeanAger · 30/06/2017 18:28

Btw pretty cool that baby could share his birthday with him! My aunt and her daughter have the same birthday.

lanbro · 30/06/2017 18:29

My first was only 3.5hrs after pains and second less than 2hrs, not all labours last a long time!

Mivery · 30/06/2017 18:30

Not unreasonable at all. Sounds like she's deliberately trying to make him choose and upset you.

Sparklingbrook · 30/06/2017 18:32

DS2 came in 35 minutes.

But TBH i can see that as his Mum she wants to see him on his birthday, where is this place with no phone signal? No landline?

WomblingThree · 30/06/2017 18:34

Oh for goodness sake Hercules12 what a ridiculous comment. From when I actually decided to call my husband to when the baby turned up was 50 minutes.

I'm sure thousands of other women on here have similar experiences.

luckylucky24 · 30/06/2017 18:36

Meananger - My DS was due my birthday. Missed it by 8 days. DD born ON my birthday ;)

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