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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think she's a selfish idiot?

50 replies

Alltheleavesareblue · 30/06/2017 17:52

I'm 4 days overdue first baby, it's DP's birthday tomorrow. I've booked us a meal out for when he finishes work. He's working a 10 hour shift tomorrow and won't be home until 6pm I'm on my own during this time and I am heavily relying on him to be on call should I go into labour.

Anyway his mother who I cannot stand has earlier on this week asked to see him after he finishes work for an hour, in a place where there's no mobile signal and her hour usually turns into three hours. He text back saying fine if baby is here if not she will have to wait as he needs to be with me. He's just showed me a message where she is saying she can't wait to see him tomorrow.

AIBU to think she's just being utterly selfish that she can't wait until next weekend to see him when I won't be on tender hooks awaiting the arrival of our first child stressed to hell knowing if he goes I can't get in touch with him?? It ends up putting him in such an awkward position where he has to choose between us. I point blank refuse to be around her, she knows this too which is why I'm thinking she's putting him in this predicament. So fed up.

OP posts:

HemanOrSheRa · 30/06/2017 18:38

I hope you go into labour at about 3am tomorrow morning .

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 30/06/2017 18:41

She is a selfish idiot but it needn't be a problem - as a PP said all it needs is him to text back sounding honestly confused, pointing out that as the baby isn't here yet he won't be seeing her tomorrow at all. She only has power if you give it to her.

DancesWithOtters · 30/06/2017 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WateryTart · 30/06/2017 18:45

It's your DH you have a problem with.

honeyroar · 30/06/2017 18:47

Does she just want to see her son on his birthday? Surely that's normal? Why did he agree to meet her when you'd booked a meal for that time though? Could the meal be booked an hour later so he can call in and have an excuse not to stay too long? Surely there's a compromise.

Sparklingbrook · 30/06/2017 18:49

Exactly honey it's absolutely normal to want to see your son on their birthday. Well I think it is.

KimmySchmidt1 · 30/06/2017 18:49

He's a big boy tell him to deal with mummy like an adult.

JaneEyre70 · 30/06/2017 18:54

His poor mum wanting to see her son on his birthday...................

Gerardbernie · 30/06/2017 18:55

To the pp who says there might be hours of twinges, my first dc arrived one hour 50 mins after first, very mild twinge

Bishybarnybee · 30/06/2017 18:56

it's absolutely normal to want to see your son on their birthday

It's normal to see your son on his birthday when he's 9.

19 - not to be taken for granted.

29, 39 - only if he wants to see you. And doesn't have an overdue pregnant partner who needs him.

I don't think I've seen my mum on my actual birthday for years. And I have a very good relationship with her.

Sparklingbrook · 30/06/2017 18:57

Is there any particular reason you cannot stand his Mother OP? This doesn't bode well for when the baby arrives. OMG she may even want to see her grandchild.

TheLegendOfBeans · 30/06/2017 18:57

There's nowt wrong with Mommie Dearest wanting to see her son on his birthday but it's not on that it's in a mobile signal black hole.

Really, you shouldn't even be having to post this thread as your DH should be saying "can we go elsewhere mum?"

EverythingUnderTheSun · 30/06/2017 19:02

YANBU for wanting him to be easily contactable! Is there a genuine reason why they have to meet at this place with no signal? I can only imagine it reasonable if she's got health problem/is housebound and its her house (or similar) but then I'd expect a landline!

If she really is ignoring what he's said then whilst it may be possible to meet her elsewhere, he needs to put his foot down and make a point of saying no to tomorrow. Even if he is able to make time to pop in and see her on Sunday instead.

NicolasFlamel · 30/06/2017 19:02

Will she not even be meeting the baby?

glitterglitters · 30/06/2017 19:10

I'd go with twinges. 👍🏼

AmayaBuzzbee · 30/06/2017 19:16

I vote for twinges too, your and your baby's wellbeing must be a priority right now.

Fluffyears · 30/06/2017 19:17

You and his child are first priority in this case. She'll just need to lump it for now. Good luck with the birth.

jarhead123 · 30/06/2017 19:31

To be fair it is her sons birthday.

I'd just tell him to please stick to an hour.

Original poster

Alltheleavesareblue · 30/06/2017 19:40

Thanks for the replies and reassurance.

I had no issue with him going tomorrow if baby had arrived but seeing as so far he hasn't ive booked us up for a meal out (saves me cooking) an hour after he finishes work, this gives him time to get home quick shower then out for an hour or two to celebrate then back home, where we are going is within 5 minutes of the hospital.

He made it more than clear to her if baby was here fine he can go and see her, if not she would have to wait. She rang him and apparently shouted down the phone to him that she has a right to see her son on his birthday and hung up on him. He come home in tears.

This woman is so manipulating and our child will not be going near this woman she honestly is a nightmare and it's either her way or no way, or should I say blackmail to get what she wants.

She won't come to our home, it's always where is convenient for her, she is trying her best to organise a BBQ at her home over 30 miles away for his birthday even though he's said he does not want to be leaving his partner and newborn for a BBQ and would much rather something was organised closer to home, she's continuing however to organise the BBQ

She's been to our home twice in a grand total of 2 years, she is fit and well, she drives there's no excuse not to come here, every time it's suggested she comes the answer is no, DP would be on his own if she were to come so it's not as if it's me who she's avoiding!!

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 30/06/2017 19:43

Does she not have a landline?

GahBuggerit · 30/06/2017 19:45

Why the shitty hmm face? Do you think once a man gets a wife the mum should stop loving them and wanting to see them and vice versa? Hope you're not having a DS if so!

Just get the name of where they are going and ring the landline if you get real twinges, not bitchy childish fake ones.

Fluffyears · 30/06/2017 19:45

Well let her arrange a BBQ he doesn't have to go so it'll be her problem. She has no 'right' giving birth to someone doesn't mean you own them.

bloodymaria · 30/06/2017 19:53

She's an adult, she'll cope without seeing him on his birthday. If she gets herself worked up over this then that's up to her. YANBU to want DP close and or/contactable.

IStoleDipsysHat · 30/06/2017 20:33

Let her arrange and expect whatever she wants. If she's already been told not to then she can't get upset when he doesn't show.
I know it's upsetting for him so perhaps he should just reply to those texts with "I've already told you that won't be happening." Then ignore her phone calls if she's only going to rant.

Queenofthestress · 30/06/2017 20:57

YANBU my labour was literally an hour long from start to finish and I had twenty minutes to get to the hospital with contractions 4 minutes apart because I couldn't get a hold of anyone, don't let that be you lol

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