Have I been unreasonable here? I'm quite embarrassed

[PayingMyWayYouSay]

I have sent my wedding invites out and a lot of them say, for example, "To Donna and family"

Is this really rude that I didn't name individuals? For example, her DD is only 8 so would naturally come under family, but how about her DP who I don't know etc? He's more than welcome to come, I just don't really know him.

Another reason for me not putting names of everyone is that I don't have everyone's address and know if I invite say, a big aunt, and include "and family" or other invitations within saying "Joseph and family" if they have a family of their own, they will get this etc.

For example, with my great aunts invite, I sent my cousins invite and put 'and family'. But DCousin'a children have their own families and she wondered if they were invited too? They are of course.

I've been really shit at this, haven't I?

Have I caused offence?

I don't see that it will cause offence but it will probably cause confusion because people won't be sure exactly who is invited. Don't be embarrassed but be prepared to clarify.

Not sure about offence but you might have caused confusion. Is it clear who would all be included in the invite?

I think you are going to get a LOT of enquiries about who the family includes.

I don't think you've caused offence but you may have caused confusion as people might not be clear exactly who's invited. And it sounds like you're not sure exactly how many people you've invited either.

I don't think you've necessarily caused offence but especially when people don't always invite children, it is sometimes suggested to put down the specific people being invited so there's no confusion.

If I had an invitation to Miranda and family I wouldn't know who was invited - is it just DH and me. Are my DC invited? Is my adult DSS invited? And what about his girlfriend? Names make it easier, but people can always get in touch to ask you

You won't have caused offence at all so don't be embarrassed. You'll probably need to contact them again and clarify what you mean by and family though.

If I got an invitation saying Sparkling and family I would assume me, DH and the 2 DC. who live here. I wouldn't think it extended to anyone else.

Be prepared for coach loads of 'families' turning up expecting to be catered for.....

Not offence, but as most weddings have number restrictions it's unusual not to name people, so be prepared to clarify. Better than 50+ extras turning up on the day you haven't t catered for!

if i got a JeffVadersMum and family - to me that would be me, DH and any DC (obviously Jeff Vader) but not my DSis or DBro or my DM

I would assume our whole household was invited (minus the animals).

if it was you and DH it would state you + 1 (if names not known)

Maybe less offence, just more confusion.

"And family" is quite a wide ranging group, particularly if you send to Great Aunts intending it encompasses all their children, grandchildren etc

But actually there is a wee bit of offence ..... you value these people enough to invite you to your wedding, but you don't know their names? Or you know their names but couldn't be bothered to write them out?

You've probably caused a lot of extra work for yourself. I think it might be a good idea to call people to clarify.

If i had an invitation to Red and family I would assume that was me, DP and DD. (although i would check about DD as she is a baby) I think it would be normal to have an invite to either Red & Blue SippyCup and baby Sippy Cup or Red + 1 / 2 / etc.

I wouldn't assume it extended to DM & DF or DB though, as they don't live here.

If there were invites to DPs and DB enclosed too that wouldn't cause offence at all.

I think people will just be confused not offended.

Only issue is if people assume more family is invited than you intended - are you limited to numbers?

How will you know how many people are coming ? If 'Jeff and family' reply by saying 'we'd love to come' you won't know how many will turn up.

Could you send everyone an email to clarify ?

I would have had individual names on the invites, for example, To Donna, Bob, Bill & Ben.

It takes nothing to text/phone/email someone if you are unsure of names.

It just adds a personal touch

I always think 'and family' is a bit lazy in Christmas cards etc. In this case it's also confusing. If it's a great do I might bring along all of my enormous extended family.

You need to go back and clarity or otherwise cater for an entirely unknown quantity of people.

I think it may have caused some confusion but not offence. I think the family thing works down but not up.

So if I received to Trash & Family I would think me, DP and DS's but not my parents.
If my parents received to TrashMum & Family they would probably think of me and my sister but check about my DP & DS's.

I'm not sure if that makes sense to anyone, I know what I mean but hard to articulate it in writing.

I received a "save the date" from my cousin with only my name on it. I knew that she hadn't invited my mum and uncle's (her father) cousin (the only family my mum and uncle have left and someone we see regularly) so I asked her if my partner (of 12 years) was invited. He is but it wasn't clear to me.

My parents save the date had both their names and my brothers on it.

You might get people you weren't expecting at the wedding or lots of queries to confirm.

This was a silly move. How on earth are you going to know how many people are coming?

I agree that it's likely to cause a little confusion but I guess it depends on your style of wedding and catering arrangements. If it's an informal buffet or bring your own picnic, then you're probably fine. If it's a sit down meal then you probably need to clarify numbers especially if you have invited people with step children who maybe don't live with them, or older children at uni.

I'd presume 'and family' would include me, DH, and our two children.

As Rioja says

We sent our Save the Dates last week. Individuals and couples were named on the envelope. Families were e.g. 'The Scribble Family' then address - I.e. All family of that name at address - although I don't think I'd have gone 'Jane Scribble and family' as that's a bit more confusing in that you've bothered to name one individual and not others.

The only invite where I listed all family members by name was for a cousin of mine who has 5 kids with but a different surname to half of them - I thought it as simplest so I didn't offend her by referring to her dickhead ex!