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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DP to stop groping me?

47 replies

barkinginessex · 20/06/2017 07:22

I'm at the end of my tether with him constantly groping and grabbing at me and it's a big turn off.
I'll just be sitting on the sofa or making dinner and he'll come over and start stroking my leg and then his hand moves upwards and he starts grabbing at me.
I feel like a piece of meat and I want to bat his hand away!
If I do move his hands he acts all hurt and says I never let him touch me.
Are all men like this?

OP posts:
UrethaFranklin · 20/06/2017 07:26

No, all men are not like that, yours is behaving like a dick.

Creampastry · 20/06/2017 07:28

Yuk, your partner is a slimeball. Ditch him now. How disgusting is he. Tell him he makes you physically feel ill.

Creampastry · 20/06/2017 07:28

Just to be to write the PP, NO, most men are not like this.

Creampastry · 20/06/2017 07:29
  • just to reiterate, not too write!
LotusBomb · 20/06/2017 07:31

The short answer is no, but there is an alarming number of threads with a similar type of them around at the moment :(

What does he say when you tell him to stop or that he's making you feel uncomfortable?

honeysucklejasmine · 20/06/2017 07:31

Eugh, no. My partner used to do this in the early days, but stopped when I explained how it made me feel. I would be very angry if I explained and he tried to play the victim or carried on regardless.

Original poster
barkinginessex · 20/06/2017 07:33

When I ask him to stop he gets in a huff. Last night was very hot and I kept covered in long trousers so he would grab at me. He says it's because he finds me sexy and can't keep his hands off me but it feels wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
barkinginessex · 20/06/2017 07:34

*wouldnt grab at me

OP posts:
Ifailed · 20/06/2017 07:35

Dump him, things can only get worse.

NC4now · 20/06/2017 07:36

Sexy is a two way thing.
Have you told him straight that it's a turn off for you? Sounds yuck.

Boulshired · 20/06/2017 07:36

No definitely men are not all like this. How did it get to this stage? I have found my relationship have been through an early stage of overly affectionate but settle on both sides and groping (do not like that word) when obvious both side are interested. You need a conversation and if anyway feel unable to have this conversation the relationship is not right for you.

53rdWay · 20/06/2017 07:37

So he doesn't care that you don't like it, he just wants you to stop telling him that you don't like it?

No, not all men are like this AT ALL.

Justanothernameonthepage · 20/06/2017 07:45

No. Most men care enough about their partners to not do something that upsets them repeatably. Most men would apologise if they'd upset their partner. Sulking that someone doesn't want to be groped against their will is acting like a dick.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 20/06/2017 08:04

So he doesn't care that you don't like it, he just wants you to stop telling him that you don't like it?

No, not all men are like this AT ALL

This 100% ^^

He's a nasty perv, who does not care about your feelings. Get rid.

Placebogirl · 20/06/2017 08:17

There is a word for men that touch their partners when they don't want to be touched: abusive. From where I stand you have two options (and which one you pick depends on your instinct: is he immature and a bit of a fool, or is he a grade A asshole). If the former, you may like to sit him down when he hasn't just been grabbing at you, and tell him that it makes you feel like a piece of meat, and that you would like him to stop, and to stop huffing and whining to pressure you to put up with it. If the latter (and if you think he really won't listen it is the latter): Kick the fucker to the kerb, and warn all the women you know he is an abusive prick who doesn't respect consent.

Collidascope · 20/06/2017 08:39

"He says it's because he finds me sexy and can't keep his hands off me."

Translation: "Me highly sexed caveman. Libido too strong for me to control it!"

Men who believe that their sex drives are these crazy powerful things that can't be reigned in are trouble. This is the kind of attitude that can see men heading off to prostitutes when their wives are pregnant and 'out of action.' It can see them heading off to strip clubs because 'boys will be boys'. It already sees him groping you when you've told him not to -which is sexual assault, incidedentally. Don't put up with it.

TenForward82 · 20/06/2017 09:02

This reply has been deleted

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user1487175389 · 20/06/2017 09:06

That's how he thinks of you - as a thing. My ex was like this and expected me to be flattered. I had low self esteem so I was. What a fool - it was a gateway to him abusing me in all ways. He didn't care how I felt really.

Badweekjustgotworse · 20/06/2017 09:18

barking how long have you been with him? Sit him down and explain just like placebogirl and if he does huff and whine he's a child.. do you want to spend the rest of your life mothering a man child who is incapable of respecting you and your boundaries?

Bananamanfan · 20/06/2017 09:29

Hi barking, my dh was like this & isn't anymore. I started a thread about it on mumsnet some time ago. He would also burst into the room when i was getting dressed/undressed in a jokey way. I told him really firmly that i didn't like the groping (always in the kitchen!) Or the trying to "catch" me naked. He is so much better now. I think he thought it was flattering & was trying to tell me that he found me attractive, but a pp is right, it is controlling & abusive to treat another person like this. I don't actually remember what i said to him the last time, but I really meant it & the penny finally dropped for him. Our sex life is improved too btw.

OwlsinTowls · 20/06/2017 09:30

My partner does this too... If I bend down to pick up a toy from under the sofa then he sees it as an excuse to grope my private areas. Even if I'm just relaxing in bed, he will come over and start touching me and wobbling/grabbing my bum and thighs etc. I don't like it at all, and I've told him that. He seems to think it's a big joke.

NikkiNoodle91 · 20/06/2017 09:38

Mine Is the same, constantly touching my arse. So annoying. Angry

user1487175389 · 20/06/2017 12:12

It's scary the amount of women who are basically saying their partners sexually assault them daily and they feel powerless to stop it.

Hopefully one of these days we'll look back on this the way we do marital rape. But it will take a movement of women adopting a zero tolerance policy and the strength to end relationships with men who do this. Sadly we can't rely on men or the law to do this for us, regardless of the fact that what they're doing is criminal.

2littlemoos · 20/06/2017 12:17

My DP is often grabbing my bum and groping me. Often in the kitchen or bending to get something. It doesn't bother me. But if it did I would expect him to stop immediately. So should your partner.

silkpyjamasallday · 20/06/2017 14:03

My DP started doing this for a period, and initially ignored my mild objections as it was 'a bit of fun', so I started doing it back when he was trying to do something else. He got the message very quickly that it wasn't actually much fun having someone paw at you all the time and stopped completely with an apology for his prior behaviour.