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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ah a fucking in law one!

31 replies

QuestionableMouse · 10/06/2017 11:24

(POSTING FOR A FRIEND!!)

Am I right to be fuming..

Today is my little boys first birthday and obviously we're having a bit of a tea party for him. I said to everyone who I invited that it's starting at 2, to give me time to get the food done and get tidied up ect (were having the party at my house).

So the OH'S parents, grandmother and sister pitch up at 10, because they couldn't come at 2 like everyone else..

The house was a tip, I was still sat in my jamas putting together DS's present, and when I spoke to the OH about it they've all fucked off in a rage...

What the fuck could be more important than your grandsons birthday party?!

Am I right to be fucking fuming with them that they've ruined our day??

I could just sit and cry.

OP posts:
Polly99 · 10/06/2017 11:27

I don't understand. Why were they cross? Because you weren't dressed?
Why is your day ruined? You have other people coming and cake. Nothing is ruined.

Nowthereistwo · 10/06/2017 11:29

I would have made them clean and get the food ready.

In fact that's what I do anyway. Everyone pitches in.

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 10/06/2017 11:29

They were cross because the house wasn't tidy and I wasn't dressed. They've really upset me because they're refusing to come back for the party.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 10/06/2017 11:29

Totally right to be fuming.

If they have now gone. Forget them get on with the day.

The person who this happened to needs to explain later that this is not ok.

Personally it has never been the end of the world for me if parents Orin laws did not attend the kids parties. we never hadfamily only parties. But if this is family only then better to fix a date they can all make.

There are things more important than a child's party (IMHO) but arriving un- invited at10.00 Ramona Saturday is bang out of order!
You have left the child's name in your opening post.

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 10/06/2017 11:30

They just ignore me when I ask them to do things.

OP posts:
exLtEveDallas · 10/06/2017 11:31

Nothing is ruined. Have a great day without them (unless OH has fucked off in a strop as well, in which case fuck him)

You are upset, of course, but the one year old won't know, care or remember. Try to hold it together for him and sod everyone else.

Intransige · 10/06/2017 11:33

What odd behaviour from them. Being broadly on time for a party is fairly basic etiquette, surely?

Italiangreyhound · 10/06/2017 11:34

QuestionableMouse you or whoever just need to text and say. you are welcome back at 2.00 for party. Your grandson's first birthday. I hope you will come. But if you choose not to it is just choice.

I Really doubt a child of one will notice. Personally, I'd be happier not to have theminmu house.please enjoy the party and honesty they sound do horrible if thy do not want to come I'd be delighted.

You need to get assertive.I said 2.00. I am shocked. Who comes FOUR hours early unannounced.

Do not let this spoil the day. say Royce. come, don't come, your choice.

They sound awful.

DonkeyOaty · 10/06/2017 11:34

Well they've been now so you'll not have the bother of them later.

Happy birthday to their child!

expatinscotland · 10/06/2017 11:34

Have a great day without them.

NavyandWhite · 10/06/2017 11:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Italiangreyhound · 10/06/2017 11:36

Ramona Royce sorry what is up with my phone!!

Whynotnowbaby · 10/06/2017 11:37

Really annoying and what did they expect turning up so early. If I had the presence of mind I would say: oh thank you so much for coming to help set up. I thought I'd have to do it all myself! Then hand out jobs, all the time offering profuse thanks for them being so thoughtful! If the ignore you, you can look puzzled and ask in a very concerned way 'are you ok? You seem to have zoned out! Perhaps it's better if you go home and get some rest before the party rather than staying to help' at no time acknowledge that they might be there for any other reason- because no one would turn up that early and expect you to entertain them would they?

Italiangreyhound · 10/06/2017 11:37

They don 't deserve to be at his party.

Where is your Dh. what does he say?

Her0utdoors · 10/06/2017 11:37

I'll be polite and say how inconsiderate of them! My in-laws had a hobby related thing to do on their dgds birthday but proclaimed we could see them the next week end. They turned up empty handed with out cake at their convenience and I stomped off to the corner shop for a nasty longlife fruit cake. My mum was dying at the time, it was just fucking awful. How are you feeling about your baby's birth? It's a massive deal for so many women on their baby's first birthday. Hope things get better and you can enjoy your day x

Italiangreyhound · 10/06/2017 11:38

And Whynotnowbaby wins the prize for the best answer ever.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 10/06/2017 11:42

Well if they are the type of people to arrive 4 hours early and then throw strops it's best to deal with this now when Ben won't remember.

Then all the rest of his birthdays can be lovely and stress free.

My in-laws turn up early now we have dc. Dh let them in once only. It as the first/only time with an embarrassing scene where they wanted to get hold of me in my dressing gown having just got out of the shower with my leaky, sore boobs, still bleeding into maternity pads, with my hair all wet and feeling and looking like shit.

We stopped answering the door if they were early. They got the hint eventually.

LakieLady · 10/06/2017 11:43

YANBU. It is as rude to be 4 hours early as it is to be 4 hours late, imo.

happypoobum · 10/06/2017 11:46

Well no way would I invite them back, in fact I would ask DH to text them to tell them they have been insufferably rude and to stay away please.

Don't let it spoil your day Flowers

Inertia · 10/06/2017 11:52

Ignore them and leave them to have their strop.

bugaboo218 · 10/06/2017 11:54

YANBU I hate people turning up early when you have given them a specific arrival time!

Do not them.ruin your day! What is your partner's take on.this? If he has fucked off with them.in a strop then he can go do one as well.

I would send them a text

Dear in laws

You are welcome to.join us at DCs party this afternooon from 2pm. Dc would love to see you.

This way they have the choice to attend or not.

After party I would be talking with in laws about boundries and ground rules for your house.

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 10/06/2017 11:56

Just ignore them. If they couldn't make the party then why not tell you before this morning - it's rude to jut pitch up 4 hours early and expect to be accommodated with no notice.

Enjoy the party this afternoon and leave your OH to deal with the ILs. If they're still feeling stroppy then all he needs to do is to nicely point out to them they they could have said something when they were originally invited. And as for you not being dressed and the house being messy - well it's your home not theirs, so fuck all to do with them. If they're so bothered about mess and appearances then perhaps it would be better to only arrive at the time you were invited.

Mix56 · 10/06/2017 11:56

You were getting ready, they were 4 hours early.
Not your problem. Enjoy the day !

Crusoe · 10/06/2017 11:56

My inlaws would undoubtedly be 2 hours late, arriving as the party finishes. They do it every bloody time.
Enjoy your day without them x

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 10/06/2017 12:02

With attitudes like theirs, I'd be glad they'd fucked off in a huff and I'd be happily focussing on my child's birthday and party instead of worrying about people who don't really seem to give a crap.

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