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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To contact the Landlord

41 replies

ConfusedLlama · 31/05/2017 10:50

My friend (although this term is becoming slightly frayed) has sub let a room from me for coming up to 6 years now (with a 6 month break). He moved out for 6 months with his then GF. Within this time I became a single parent and the LL, who is a family friend, waved the money I would have been getting from friend as he was aware I couldn't afford it (I was and am still very greatful for him doing this) until I could find someone else to rent the room or afford the money.

Friend's relationship broke down and he asked to move back in. I asked that he rented directly off of LL this time so that I would not be accountable if he didn't pay, however he would pay bill money to me as I paid the bills.

Everything was fine and rent was on time, bill money on time until friend unexpectedly quit his job, I won't go into details but he was accused of something he didn't do and in retaliation he quit.

This was a year and a half ago. Since this time, he has repeatedly lied to myself, DP, LL and his parents about having jobs that he doesn't have. Jobs that originally sounded to good to be true, then progressed to lies about jobs at fast food places. He never leaves the sofa (He has also ruined the cushions on my brand new sofas in the space of 2 months). There is no evidence of him applying for jobs, and both me and DP have written multiple CV's for different job types, written covering letters, even gone as far as applying for jobs for him...he has an interview and nothing comes of it. He sits around and plays his game console all day on the electricity I'm paying for.

DP had a very heart to heart talk with him recently. Where he admitted he though LL should have kicked him out by now because he hasn't paid any rent in over a year, I'd been told his Dad was paying his rent. LL had asked him in return to keep the garden tidy and help us out for paying for his food and bills. He doesn't do this, DP, myself and my Dad have been looking after the garden.

At first I felt sorry for him, as he's a very shy person and that he wasn't having great luck. I've tried to help as much as I can but I work Full time, I have a 7 year old DD and I'm 19 weeks PG.

WIBU to send a message to the LL saying something along the lines of "it's come to our attention that your not being payed any rent from friend. DP and I wanted you to know that we would be more than happy to cover the full rent should you have to part ways with friend"?

Oh wow that's long...Thank you if you reached the bottom of the endless thread of doom!

OP posts:
BowiesJumper · 31/05/2017 10:58

Yes, I would suggest to him that he moves back in with his family, that the landlord cannot continue to allow him to live rent free and you can't subsidise him any more as you have another baby on the way. Give him a week or two to gather his belongings and leave. He's been lucky to stay as long as he has and you've already been very kind to him.

There's no need for a confrontation, just tell him the facts.

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 31/05/2017 11:07

You and your LL have been good to him for too long now I think it's time for him to leave because you can't continue on the way you are. Your not his mum it's not your responsibility to look after him.

Original poster
ConfusedLlama · 31/05/2017 11:07

He, apparently, can't move back in with his Dad and he told DP that moving back with his Mum would be rock bottom for him. At the moment I honestly feel that he is seeing how far he can push it before we all snap.

I also think the only reason LL hasn't done anything is because he doesn't want to put me into a position where I'm struggling again. I just want to let him know that should LL decide that enough is enough that we would be able to cover it. I'm just struggling to come up with a message that doesn't sound like I'm going behind friend's back but actually just trying to cover my own arse if things go tits up.

OP posts:
FuckyDuck · 31/05/2017 11:10

You have a cocklodger. Get him out asap and don't look back

Original poster
ConfusedLlama · 31/05/2017 11:10

Shootfirstaskquestionslater Sometimes I feel like I have 2 kids already! I think I'm definitely prepared for moody teenager stage with DD now. Apart from this guy is in his 30s and he acts they way i would expect a 15 year old to act. It's a complete joke and pregnancy hormones are just fuelling the fire at the moment.

OP posts:
PeaFaceMcgee · 31/05/2017 11:10

Why the fuck are the bills still in your name and you're buying new furniture for the place, if you're no longer the tenant?

This place has nothing to do with you - get your name removed from the bills otherwise you're completely liable for his debts! Madness.

Also don't even consider paying this user's rent ffs! How will he motivate himself to change anything if everyone is bankrolling him?

PeaFaceMcgee · 31/05/2017 11:12

Oh sorry, it's a room in your house! Chuck him out. No sympathy.

Original poster
ConfusedLlama · 31/05/2017 11:13

PeaFaceMcgee He only rents a room, we still rent the rest of the house. He used to pay me the rent for the room but when he moved back I asked him to rent directly from the LL as I didn't want to accountable for any late rent. Sorry, if I wasn't clear in PP.

OP posts:
PeanutButterJellyTimeforTea · 31/05/2017 11:20

That's all messed up. He can't rent a room directly from the LL if you rent the entire property, not legally. If he's a lodger he is YOUR lodger, not the LL's. Or he's a co tenant with you.

Does anyone have a lease or contract of any kind at all?

Original poster
ConfusedLlama · 31/05/2017 11:22

I'm not entirely sure how to word this... my draft is
"Hi LL, we have some good news to share! DP and I are expecting a baby, we wanted to tell you in person but keep missing you when you're here. We've also recently learnt that Friend hasn't been paying you rent (we were under the impression his Dad was paying you) and completely understand this is unfair on you. We wanted to let you know that we would be more than happy to pay the full rent should you want to part ways with Friend."

I feel like it sounds as if i'm going behind his back a little?

OP posts:
Original poster
ConfusedLlama · 31/05/2017 11:24

I have a Contract with LL, I'm not sure about Friend. I think he has a tenancy agreement as well, that stipulates what room and what areas he can use, the amount he is to pay to LL and the amount he is to pay to myself. This is what he had when he was effectively my lodger (apart from it was a lodger's agreement).

OP posts:
PeanutButterJellyTimeforTea · 31/05/2017 11:27

None of that sounds legal at all, and very messy for you. You are basically responsible for him. Does your contract say you are renting the whole house, or just a portion of it?
If he is paying no-one any rent and not doing anything, why haven't you simply kicked him out?

SnugglyBedSocks · 31/05/2017 11:28

I would be more blunt and explain that you could do with the extra room. Also saying that he doesnt pay bills or do chores and with the impending delivery you can't subsidise him anymore either

Picklepickle123 · 31/05/2017 11:29

I think the way the LL is managing the rent is sensible - not sure of the legal technicalities though, it sounds a bit dodgy. Hmm

It seems the LL won't kick him out (and has no real reason to do so) if his portion of the rent is being paid by his Dad. Unless the landlord is a friend of yours, I doubt he would have let over a year's worth of rent go just so not to upset you. It sounds like you have agreed for this guy to rent the room, so the LL is irrespective of the current situation.

So the real issue at hand is your relationship with your co-tenant. You've taken the first step and had an honest conversation with him. For me, the next step is to give him two to three weeks to see if he gets his act together, and if not, set some clear deadlines. e.g. We would like you to cut the grass in the garden by the end of the week.

Depending on how desperate you are, the final step is telling him he has 4 weeks to get out of your flat and you will need to find a different way to make up the difference in rent or find alternative accomodation. With another baby on the way, it sounds like you might need the space anyway?

Best of luck!

lobsterface · 31/05/2017 11:30

I think it's fine, at the end of the day you are going behind his back but it's justified.

Cuppaoftea · 31/05/2017 11:32

So since moving back in has he had his own separate tenancy agreement with the Landlord or are you joint tenants?

It sounds a complicated agreement that relied very much on trust.

I'm not clear that you can just tell him to leave as it sounds like the Landlord's decision so I would say your suggested message isn't forthright enough. I'd speak to the Landlord directly and explain the current ongoing situation is untenable. Your 'friend' isn't paying towards bills or helping in the house or garden, you are no longer prepared to pay his bills for him, he's ruined some of your furniture, also ultimately that with your family situation having changed you and your partner now wish to live alone with your children as a family and can afford the higher rent. Your Landlord might want your partner on the tenancy agreement.

Do it now so he can be given notice by the Landlord and be gone well before baby arrives.

Original poster
ConfusedLlama · 31/05/2017 11:32

I haven't kicked him out, simply because he rents directly from the LL, I've assumed that it would have to be LL's choice whether he is evicted.

I never wanted it to get this far, hence me applying for jobs and writing his CV. I don't like seeing friend's struggle but I am also aware that you can't help someone who is refusing to be helped.

OP posts:
PeanutButterJellyTimeforTea · 31/05/2017 11:34

He doesn't though, unless he is your co-tenant, which you say he is not. And if he isn't paying rent, he's not renting from anyone, he's now just your guest!

specialsubject · 31/05/2017 11:35

i will stick fingers in ears over this possible HMO. But as you can afford the place without the extra, why on earth would you want this useless lump cluttering it up?

not quite sure who evicts him, but give the landlord all the info and go from there.

Original poster
ConfusedLlama · 31/05/2017 11:38

Picklepickle123 LL has always been doing this as a favour to me. It was more of an issue when I was a single parent as I didn't want to randomly have to fork our extra a month for someone else when I was already struggling. So, yes I guess not entirely legal.

His dad isn't paying his rent, this was a lie he had told us so we would "get off his back about rent". Sorry I blame frazzled brain.

OP posts:
aginghippy · 31/05/2017 11:38

YANBU to contact the landlord. I would put it in even stronger terms than "happy to cover the full rent should you have to part ways with friend". I would say that you want him out and are now in a position to cover the full rent.

Spell out all the background you put in your OP about him lying to you, making no effort to find a job, playing games all day, ruining your new sofa, not keep the garden tidy or paying for his food and bills as he agreed.

Don't make any assumptions about the legalities or whose choice it is. It's your home. Tell the LL you want him gone. Decide your next steps depending on LL's response.

PeanutButterJellyTimeforTea · 31/05/2017 11:40

You can just kick him out. IT's not a legal set up and he hasn't paid rent for a year. Out.

Maudlinmaud · 31/05/2017 11:43

He isn't paying rent and his dad isn't paying either. Why would the ll want this situation. Out you go friend or no friend. Nobody lives for free.

BowiesJumper · 31/05/2017 11:47

Send the text to your landlord, and see what they say - but even if the LL is happy for him to stay on, you are within your rights to ask him to leave. Maybe if he does move into his mum's and hit "rock bottom", that will give him the motivation to actually do something about it. Don't feel guilty, it sounds like he won't be on the streets.

Original poster
ConfusedLlama · 31/05/2017 11:49

I feel he's got some sort of sixth sense or perhaps it's because I'm home....hes got up and decided to vacuum up and load the dishwasher....I'm still sending a message. I think I will be a bit more blunt as you've suggested. To be honest we could do with the room as my parents live far away and it would be nice to give them a room rather than the sofa bed when the baby comes.

OP posts: