Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be totally pissed off with "D"H

33 replies

Falconhoof1 · 26/05/2017 05:47

I'm supposed to be working today and H is off so looking after kids. Well, he called me at 9pm last night to say there was a leaving do at work and he was staying out for a while. It's now 5:40am and he's not in bed. There's a chance he's downstairs but if so it's because he's too drunk to get upstairs. I'm so pissed off. He hardly does any of the childcare and on the rare occasion I have to work he goes and gets pissed. I hardly slept last night too (combination of heat, DS waking me, and realising I don't know if H is home). If he's in I will have to leave poor kids in house with a comatose father. If he's out I can't go to work (kids are 8 and 12). I could leave 12yo alone but not with 8yo.

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 26/05/2017 05:50

YANBU.

That's irresponsible, selfish, and generally piss-poor.

LedaP · 26/05/2017 05:54

I think you need to go check.

Slight chance he is asleep and will be capable of looking after the kids.

However that fact that you are posting this and assuming he is pissed, makes me think this is fairly common. Is it?

fessmess · 26/05/2017 05:55

Very inconsiderate behaviour.

Original poster
Falconhoof1 · 26/05/2017 06:00

He can't go out for a night and not get totally wrecked so there's a very good chance he's downstairs asleep, but I didn't hear him come in and didn't sleep well. He doesn't do it all that much these days but it's not unheard of. I really don't want to go downstairs until 6:30 at the earliest. I just don't want to see him as I'm so pissed off and if he's not there I can't do anything anyway.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 26/05/2017 06:13

What ah irresponsible and selfish arse.

Does he not like you working or something? It's like he's trying to sabotage you

LedaP · 26/05/2017 06:16

He is a dick.

Does he usually have a problem with you having a job?

I do really hope he is just sleeping on the sofa and didnt get completely wasted. I know its a long shot. But fingers crossed for for your sake.

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 26/05/2017 06:21

YANBU. You know you need to have a hard word with him about this.

If you can't rely on him and he doesn't pull his weight with childcare, then what exactly is his contributing?

MovingtoParadise · 26/05/2017 06:21

Leave both of them with him, they're old enough. He will just have to suck up entertaining them with a hangover.

eddielizzard · 26/05/2017 06:28

wow. what an arse.

if he's downstairs i'd go to work. the kids are old enough to cope with him sleeping?

how is your relationship generally?

YoniFucker · 26/05/2017 06:31

Is he there? Have you killed him yet?

WellErrr · 26/05/2017 06:32

What an arse.

Frankie89 · 26/05/2017 06:32

It's not great behaviour at all but if he is home just leave the dcs with him. He shouldn't get to disrupt your day.

LindyHemming · 26/05/2017 06:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigchris · 26/05/2017 06:34

Leave kids with him, they're old enough

CousinChloe · 26/05/2017 06:37

Has he got to take kids to school? Would he need to drive?

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 26/05/2017 06:53

Why do your needs and wishes come so far down the pile that his night of drinking himself insensible is more important?

Most of the blokes I know - including my colleagues at work - would go to the leaving do, have a couple of soft drinks or one 'proper' drink only and then make their apologies citing family commitments. Why does his family take second place to drinking and socialising?

Original poster
Falconhoof1 · 26/05/2017 06:53

Thanks for replies. He obviously had fallen asleep on sofa as he came to bed at 6, sneaking around in a very loud drunken way. I am going to work-the kids will cope. At least he's home. He doesn't have a problem with me working at all, he's just an utterly selfish man-child. I feel sorry for the kids. No school today as long weekend but it's so sunny today. Oh well, I'll just get myself sorted and go to work. 12yo will sort 8yo for food and keep me posted by text while I'm at work.

OP posts:
bigchris · 26/05/2017 06:54

Poor kids
Is this a one off? Or does he do this often

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 26/05/2017 07:07

What are you going to do about the man-child situation?

Original poster
Falconhoof1 · 26/05/2017 07:10

He did this his exact thing around Christmas time. Again I was working and he was off with kids. It's not that he resents me working, he would probably prefer me to work more to be honest, but he is simply very very selfish and has never passed up on a night out whether it suits me out not. I'm not so pissed off now-i was so tired earlier and didn't know where he was-but I'm just just fed up with his selfish ways in general.

OP posts:
PaulDacresFeministConscience · 26/05/2017 07:29

Sounds like you have a bigger conversation to have with him. He's got a cushy wee number at the moment, though. Expects you to work and would like you to do more, but also expects you to be the one to run everything and facilitate his benders at the drop of a hat.

My Nanna once said to me 'never marry a selfish man' and she was absolutely right. Every single selfish act will gradually chip away at the love you have, until one day you wake up and you've run out of love and you realise that you have no respect, no time, no anything for the man-child sleeping next to you. That he's become another dependent for you to look after.

Time for a reckoning, no? Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this?

YouTheCat · 26/05/2017 08:27

You should be pissed off.

He's an utter knobend. If he'd like you to work more then maybe he needs to stop acting like a sodding teenager.

I hope you've told the kids to make plenty of noise.

HiggeldyPiggeldy · 26/05/2017 08:43

what a selfish thing to do, he would know you would be worried and the poor kids will have to be stuck at home on a lovely day with a grumpy arse

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 26/05/2017 08:50

what a selfish thing to do, he would know you would be worried and the poor kids will have to be stuck at home on a lovely day with a grumpy arse

You're right, it is a selfish thing to do. But I disagree that he would know about the OP being worried and being grumpy with the kids as a result. Selfish people don't think - it's why they're selfish.

I doubt it would have even crossed his mind to spare a thought for the OP and his kids. In the same way that teenagers go off and do stuff without thinking through the consequences. I really could not live with someone like this and I suspect the OP is rapidly arriving at the same conclusion.

BitOutOfPractice · 26/05/2017 09:11

He would like you to work more so long as it doesn't inconvenience him in the slightest

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread