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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a bit rude

37 replies

TenYearsLater · 23/05/2017 20:52

My DH works in a sector where he can access free tickets for a certain type of event. So the school ask for freebies for any fund raising event they do to help with the uptake of the raffle. All fine, no problem helping the school out & making a donation of tickets.

The bit that gets me is the fundraising committee is made up of parents & when tickets are required I'll get a text saying can you get x, y or z. No hi how are you or please or thank you. The parent concerned blanks me most other times. Her kid is in my kid's class & they attend some of the same activities so she knows who I am and that its my DH who donates the tickets.

It hacks me off that there is not at least some pretence of manners with a please or thank you. I know its petty but it gets my back up.

aibu to expect some politeness when asking for a favour?

OP posts:
shinyredbus · 23/05/2017 20:59

YANBU - i would (and do) find this incredibly rude. I would be tempted to not give the tickets in the future! They sound like they've come to 'expect' it rather than it being a nice gesture.

Its like (but not similar) to when my sister (she lives in another country) texts me. Its never a hello, how are you, how are the children - its a can you buy me something from there, can i have something delivered to your house etc etc. So rude but i don't say anything to her because my mum will tell me off and i have no time for that i don't want to deal with the fallout - she's overly dramatic sometimes!

oleoleoleole · 23/05/2017 21:00

YANBU ignore the texts.

Fliptophead · 23/05/2017 21:00

Yab a bit unreasonable. You're not actually doing her a favour. You're doing your child's school a favour. You probably don't shower in gratitude for running these fundraisers right? I still thinknplease and thank you are nice to use even if someone isn't actually doing you a favour thought

Fliptophead · 23/05/2017 21:01

Shiny- who would actually be hurt by that though? Why cut off your nose to spite your face. Especially when her dh doesn't need them.

Original poster
TenYearsLater · 23/05/2017 21:11

I've not yet responded to the text as I think fuck off, how rude. However, I wouldn't let the school down & not donate, DH has already organised the tickets & will hand them in directly to school office.

I think I'd never be so impolite when asking for stuff. shiny I do feel a bit hurt, like I'm only good enough when you'd like something. But it ain't about me or her so I'll smile & say of course , no trouble at all.

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 23/05/2017 21:14

YANBU. A smile and a Thank you costs nothing.

PurplePidjin · 23/05/2017 21:22

If this person isn't involved directly in the tickets getting to the right place (you say they'll be handed directly to the office) I'd ignore the text completely.

KickAssAngel · 23/05/2017 21:22

Text back "hi, how are you?" But don't mention the tickets. See if she gets the hint

CanaryFish · 23/05/2017 21:25

I think it would be slightly worse if she text "hi how are you" when looking for the tickets considering she blanks you in real life.
At least you know exactly where you stand with this person - as a ticket dispenser :-/

Bishybarnybee · 23/05/2017 21:25

How grateful are you to her for raising money for your kids education?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/05/2017 21:30

I'd be tempted to text back:

"It looks as if some of your text didn't deliver - the part where you asked politely if dh would be able to get some free tickets, for the PTA raffle, and where you said thank you!"

She is acting as a representative of the PTA and should be conducting PTA business in a polite manner - if she wants people to carry on helping out!

Yes, this is ultimately for the benefit of the school and the children, but that doesn't absolve her of the need to be polite - good manners and gratitude cost nothing.

Original poster
TenYearsLater · 23/05/2017 21:31

Thank you all. I'm going to be a rude bugger too & ignore the text. I hope I don't cave to my inherent politeness & feel as though I should respond. DH will hand in tickets tomorrow & that will be it until the next time. ☺

OP posts:
previouslyanumber · 23/05/2017 21:31

Text back, 'I'm fine thanks'.

hellokittymania · 23/05/2017 21:32

Yes, I think it's rude

JumpingJellybeanz · 23/05/2017 21:33

Text back 'What's the magic word?'

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 23/05/2017 21:33

It is rude. Yes it's for the school but manners cost nothing and she'd do well to remember that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

I'd text back: Hi X, great to hear from you. I am really well, thanks for asking. I've already sorted out the tickets directly with the school office so no need for you to chase in the future. Take care, TenYears

MudCity · 23/05/2017 21:35

YANBU. It's rude. They are taking you, and the tickets, for granted. I would ignore the text.

EweAreHere · 23/05/2017 21:35

Very rude.

That really sucks, tbh. It makes people feel the way you do, so unlikely to want to continue to be generous!

artiface · 23/05/2017 21:36

Could she be envious? That you may get tickets to go to these events - some people aren't very adept at dealing with envy

Original poster
TenYearsLater · 23/05/2017 21:38

Jumping haha

I don't begrudge the school any thing & I do my fair share, but goodness a few extra words on a text cost nothing, particularly as SDT says she is representing the school. I don't expect anything more than a please & thank you.

OP posts:
Vonklump · 23/05/2017 21:39

It's rude. There is a presumption you will donate the tickets, they aren't bestowing basic courtesies on you when they ask for the tickets and on top of that they blank you face to face.

Presuming you don't ignore them every time you see them it's just bad manners.

And I've sent umpteen " could you possibly donate..." letters.

Agree with your plan. You gain nothing from replying to the message, and they will get the tickets anyway.

For what it's worth, I became fed up with other fundraisers saying "Klump will do x," or not acknowledging what was done.
I think it depends upon your team working skills, a little appreciation goes a long way.

Daddyof3lovelylife · 23/05/2017 21:48

I agree, rude and unacceptable.

I always prefer the direct route; which saves all the over thinking. Why not simply text back and say; " I am sorry I think it is a bit rude to not even say please or thank you, especially when you are asking for something?"

See what you comes back???

TheMysteriousJackelope · 23/05/2017 21:52

She should say 'Please would your DH be able to donate tickets again? thank you in advance', and not blank you like someone who was raised by buffalo.

I assume you would include in your reply 'Thank you for organizing the fundraiser, I know how much work is involved in that'.

Next time you see her bellow 'How are you doing with the fundraiser? Do you still need those tickets?' and force buffalo-lady to acknowledge you - just in case she is oblivious to passers by.

Teabagtits · 23/05/2017 21:52

Ugh I hate this. My oh worked as a roadie and we were constantly being asked for guest list spots and gig tickets by people who wouldn't give us the time of day otherwise. One friend I hadn't seen in 20years contacted me out of the blue to ask for tickets for a gig to take his son to. Now hi how have you been for the past 20years.

Just tell them tickets are only available on a donation basis (ie when you get them you will donate them) and that tickets aren't available for every performance so there's no point in asking. Say no often enough and people stop asking

Teabagtits · 23/05/2017 21:52

*no