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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband and nights out

28 replies

mum2two17 · 19/05/2017 12:22

I would just like some opinions on whether I or by OH is been unreasonable.
We had our second baby 7 weeks ago. I had a section birth and I recovered well very early on. DH has had 3 nights out since DD was born one which meant an overnight stay in his mums on one occasion when baby was 2 weeks old. He also had a week abroad with work but would have a few drinks/food with his boss in the evening. Last week he invited friends over for food which I ended up doing, this week he wants to go out for a few drinks with his friends and then on the Thursday a work colleague is leaving and he wants to go out for that. I haven't had a night out yet even though he says I can go out anytime but I'm just not up for it really yet. I'm starting to resent him a little. I've had time to get my nails done but they're things I do during the day and I bring DD with me when DS is in school whereas he goes running twice a week on his own. The other thing that's really getting to me is DH is always tired and falls asleep on the couch every evening. We go to watch tv or a film and he's gone then wants to know what happened. I wouldn't mind but it's most nights this happens and then he suddenly gets a burst of energy to go out with his friends. Money is tight at the moment as I'm on maternity and I'm conscious of this too so whereas my nails would cos 20 every 3 weeks he would spend a lot more on nights out.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 19/05/2017 12:25

How are you finding single parenthood?

Your husband needs to step up and you know, actually be a father (and partner).

LittleBooInABox · 19/05/2017 12:29

My ex went out for the night 2 days after my DS was born, my dad stormed the night club and dragged him home.

Your DH is being an arse! Sorry Flowers

Patriciathestripper1 · 19/05/2017 12:31

Sorry but he is taking the piss a bit.
How would he feel if you started going out all the time and sleeping over at your parents leaving him at home with the dc?
When does he spend time with his dc?

ChildishGambino · 19/05/2017 12:33

DH and I had DD 5 months ago. We have one night out a week. I go to a pub quiz and he goes wherever he wants. I have Mondays, he has Thursdays. On those days our expectations of each other are completely clear. The other takes over. It works well for us so that might be an idea?

Hisnamesblaine · 19/05/2017 12:35

Is he a hands on dad while at home? I agree his nights put are in excess so that's something you need to discuss but I would very much take him.up on his offer and arrange a girls night out!

ChildishGambino · 19/05/2017 12:35

I've also found it very helpful to state what I need, i.e. "I want a long bath tonight, can you take over with DD for an hour?" Or, "I'm getting my nails done on Sat at x time. Are you ok to look after DD?" He's always said yes and says he finds it much easier if I'm completely clear about what I need. Give that a go? Stop trying to do lots of things with your baby as it's quite stressful and expect and ask him to pick up the slack?

TheNaze73 · 19/05/2017 12:37

We managed one night out per week seperately & one put together, with 2 under 2. We luckily had nearby relatives, so we could do food, cinema on a Saturday. It's all about give & take

Blueskyrain · 19/05/2017 16:21

I don't think it's excessive personally. Yes, you haven't had any nights out, but that doesn't seem to be because you can't, but that you don't want to yet.

Nanny0gg · 19/05/2017 16:56

The baby is seven weeks old! @Blueskyrain

Her husband doesn't seem to realise this.

And how many mothers of two children (one virtually a newborn) would want to go out as much as he is?

Original poster
mum2two17 · 19/05/2017 16:56

My DD usually wakes at 2ish for a bottle DH argues that as he's up for work at 6 so I should be the one that does that feed and he does 6 so even if I went out with friends I couldn't really have a few drinks as I'd be conscious of getting back to give DD a bottle plus my friends work weekends so their days off are midweek

OP posts:
harderandharder2breathe · 19/05/2017 16:59

It's a lot in a short space of time, especially considering you have a tiny baby plus an older child as well. Have the nights out been for special occasions like birthdays or stag nights or just generic piss ups?

It's also unfair that he invited people for food then you ended up cooking (and cleaning up afterwards?). His invite, his responsibility.

Original poster
mum2two17 · 19/05/2017 17:04

No they're all just general piss ups. One of his friends is home tomorrow and he hasn't seen him in a few months and another night was a friend of his who is moving abroad at the end of the year and DH wanted to spend time with him as this guy is away a lot with work so DH doesn't see him much. There is also talk of a weekend away for them all in a few months

OP posts:
ChildishGambino · 19/05/2017 17:07

We dreamfeed DD at midnight and then all go to bed. She wakes at 5ish and I feed her. You don't need to be out until 2am, surely? Or go out on a Fri/Sat? Sounds to me like here isn't a lot of discussion taking place here.

ChildishGambino · 19/05/2017 17:08

It doesn't sound excessive to me, just not 50:50.

kittybiscuits · 19/05/2017 17:09

I think you should let him go out as much as he wants. You will be a great single mum. He sounds like a dick.

Original poster
mum2two17 · 19/05/2017 17:11

I understand what you're saying childishgambino I wouldn't want to be out to 2am but the point I'm trying to get across is he comes home at 3/4 in the morning when he goes out. On Saturday DS plays football and Sunday DH goes running. My daughter suffers awful with wind so can cry constantly at night

OP posts:
DidILeaveTheGasOn · 19/05/2017 17:11

If you go out, your husband does the 2am feed. This is ridiculous. He needs to step up and you need to go out.

badabing36 · 19/05/2017 17:12

He's a wanker.

kittybiscuits · 19/05/2017 17:13

She is a tiny baby. Piss ups? You must be joking.

Beelzebop · 19/05/2017 17:27

As my Nan used to say, The man sows the seed and the woman gets left with the field. X

Sisinisawa · 19/05/2017 17:42

He's a selfish prick. I'd be reading him the riot act.

ElinoristhenewEnid · 19/05/2017 17:53

Would not be happy with the 3-4 am returns but would not have a problem with dh going out gener

My dh went away for the weekend when my ds was 16 months and my dd 8 weeks. We had no family support.

I had a friend round whilst he was away, cooked her dinner and had a girly evening together. Really enjoyed myself!

Dcs grown up now and we are on our own - I wish my dh would go out - I would love some time on my own!! Unfortunately he is not well enough to go out on his own.

Coughandsplutter · 19/05/2017 17:55

He's taking the piss I think. And then has cheek to fall asleep! I have 2 month old and I'm breastfeeding morning, noon and night. DH is at work in day (which is far harder according to MIL, but that's another thread!), while I'm at home with baby and 2.5 yr old toddler. DH sometimes drops off early evening and it grates my shit but at least he's not on the hit and miss every other week.

Ethylred · 19/05/2017 17:59

Falling asleep on the sofa... is that related to drink?

thethoughtfox · 19/05/2017 18:34

Please reconsider taking your baby to a nail salon. The fumes and chemical in the air are nasty.

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