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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Naming a child after a parent

58 replies

OVienna · 18/05/2017 16:23

Just to be clear - I mean a living parent as opposed to honouring someone who had passed away. And I mean first name (pretty much.)

I think of this as relatively rare in the UK and to express dissatisfaction that it didn't happen to be quiet self-centred/obnoxious/possibly borderline narcissistic.

AIBU? Or is it sort of normal for grandparents to hope this might happen.

I can see being a bit cross if the other grandparents' names were chosen, but that is not the case here.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/05/2017 16:25

It used to be far more common and therefore not, I think, a sign of narcissism. It is unreasonable to complain, though.

McT123 · 18/05/2017 16:42

In the olden days there were far fewer names than there are now so that if a family was lucky enough to get hold of a good one it was important that they used it at least once every other generation in order to avoid losing the name to another family. In America, the name shortage was much worse and names were often re-used every generation. Hence Davis Love III and other similar names.
Nowadays there are huge number of new names that have been allowed in to the country due to EU free trade and it is unlikely that these will be outlawed even after Brexit so I think that the grandparents in this instance are simply not in tune with current nomenclature regulations.

So YANBU but nor are they really - just a bit out of date.

thefairyfellersmasterstroke · 18/05/2017 16:51

Still fairly common in Scotland, especially in middle names but also first names. In families where the tradition is strong there probably would be some hope, if not expectation. I have known of a fistfight that erupted over the issue.

Narp · 18/05/2017 16:58

If it's an unusual name/family tradition they may have led out a hope/expectation that it might happen. But it is pretty uncommon and should not be taken for granted.

I am named after several generations, including my mum. But I wouldn't have passed it on, even though the tradition is quite nice

Narp · 18/05/2017 16:58

held out (not led out)

Minty82 · 18/05/2017 17:02

(grin) McT123! Love it!

Minty82 · 18/05/2017 17:03

Argh. Love it but evidently can't do emoticons.

DarkFloodRises · 18/05/2017 17:03

I think that to call it borderline narcissistic is a bit OTT!

steppemum · 18/05/2017 17:03

In many communities it used to be very common for the first son to be named after paternal grandfather, first daughter after maternal grandmother, second son after maternal grandfather and second daughter after paternal grandmother.

My dh is dutch and it is still pretty common there. Dh and his siblings all have family names. One way they get round it is to have an official name and then an everyday name, so you get a birth announcement which says Her name is Whilhemena Theodore and she will be called Lisa (I kid not)

We did use my FIL name for our son, partly because it happens to be one of my favourite names, and partly because there is a naming tradition in theri family going back a hundred years and it seemed a shame not to continue. (if we hadn't liked the name it would still have been a middle name.

BertrandRussell · 18/05/2017 17:05

It depends. I think Scots and Irish people use family names more often than English people. I know the eldest boy in every generation of dp's family has had a particular mane for a very long time-until fil broke the chain because he had fallen out with his own father at the time dp was born. He so hoped that one of his grandsons would have the name-he didn't say anything, but you could tell-and he was so pleased when we called our ds the name. I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't liked it. Or probably if fil had made a "thing" about it. But it gave so much please so easily I am really glad I did it.

Original poster

OVienna · 18/05/2017 17:14

DarkFloodRises Thu 18-May-17 17:03:28

I think that to call it borderline narcissistic is a bit OTT!

In isolation, yes.

Not a name that is a family tradition in any way. All to do with measure of love/respect for the person. Desire the make them 'happy' sort of thing.

Anyway: My response was "You'll need to get over this."

"I have...over the years."

OP posts:

Original poster

OVienna · 18/05/2017 17:16

Just really curious how many people had this from a parent in cases where it wasn't some sort of established tradition.

OP posts:

daisypond · 18/05/2017 17:17

When you say "a parent", do you mean the child is named after its parents (its father or mother), or do you mean it's named after its parent's parent, ie, a grandparent?

Naming after a grandparent isn't particularly uncommon, especially with middle names.

BertrandRussell · 18/05/2017 17:22

Sorry-you are being too vague to make it interesting to join in the discussion.

BertrandRussell · 18/05/2017 17:23

So you need to tell us all about your MIL

NotYoda · 18/05/2017 17:24

It sounds to me that the person is generally perceived by the OP to be self-centred and has pulled this one out of the bag as another example

Original poster

OVienna · 18/05/2017 17:24

A grandparent - sorry.

I'm curious how many people get lobbied by their own parents to name a grandchild after them/think it's okay to express disappointment when it doesn't happen.

OP posts:

DarkFloodRises · 18/05/2017 17:25

In isolation, yes.

Well, we can only really judge in isolation, since this is the only thing you're asking us to comment on. I take it there's a massive back story?

RatherBeRiding · 18/05/2017 17:25

You don't name a child to make a grandparent happy. If you happen to love the name and would have used it anyway then it's a win-win situation.

Otherwise, nope.

Dahlietta · 18/05/2017 17:27

I think it used to be quite normal - my father and my uncle (mum's brother) were both named after their fathers - but is less normal now. I find it difficult to get worked up about it. It sounds to me like your issue is more with your MiL than the naming business.

Narp · 18/05/2017 17:28

My mum knew better than to express disappointment directly to me. She subsequently hoped my brother would use the name though (and he did, as a second name for his DD).

But my mum's lovely and we have a good relationship.

Doesn't sound like you feel it's the case here

EssexGurl · 18/05/2017 17:30

We used family names as middle names for both DS and DD. I know at least two other families who have done the same. But wouldn't do it for first names.

steppemum · 18/05/2017 17:33

well, neither my oaretns nor my PIL would dream of doing this. See my Dutch example up thread, my FIL never once asked us to use the family name but was tickled pink when we did.

But when dh was born, the wider family (grandparents) put a lot of pressure on over names, so much so that Dh (oldest child) has a middle name, that grandparent was insulted it was only used as a middle name, so then dh's younger brother has the same name as his first name!
But that is within a naming tradition. And, interestingly, apart form us using the family name, none of the other grandchildren have been named in the traditional way

LilQueenie · 18/05/2017 17:42

Its still fairly common where I am but not always in a pushy 'the child must be named this' sort of way.

BertrandRussell · 18/05/2017 17:42

"You don't name a child to make a grandparent happy"

No. But if you have a choice of names and one would make a grandparent happy, then why not?

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