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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be so annoyed with this invitation?

26 replies

TeddyIsaHe · 17/05/2017 17:41

Backstory: I have a 4 month old dd and planned her christening back in Feb - gave everyone dates and asked my cousin to be her godfather, which he loved. A few weeks later his brother and fiancé announce the date for their wedding in September. All well and good! Until 3 weeks before the christening they decide to have the stag weekend on that day, and godfather being his brothers best man cannot make the christening. Ok, so was annoyed and upset by that, I gave them plenty of notice and the wedding isn't for another 4 months. It it's done now so no use holding on to anger. Now I have just received their wedding invite, and only I have been invited. Not my dh, not my daughter and I know there are other children attending. I'm fuming! And no idea what to do now. Maybe I am bu to let this bother me so much, but it really has.

OP posts:

IAmTheWorwax · 17/05/2017 17:43

It'd bother me too. You'd have thought with him being best man he'd have some control of the stag date too..

Underthemoonlight · 17/05/2017 17:45

It was a pretty shitty thing the stag do but maybe it's an over site on the groomsmen. As for the wedding it's off your dh hasn't been invited but I can understand not wanting baby's at their wedding (I have 3dc) They just want close family DC there.

WellErrr · 17/05/2017 17:46

Would the best man it be able to say 'sorry, can't do that date'?

NavyandWhite · 17/05/2017 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flibberdy · 17/05/2017 17:49

Isn't it the job of the best man to plan the stag?? I.e. He planned it on the christening day?! Maybe this was an oversight but I'd be very disappointed with this.

As for the wedding invite, say you can't go. IMO having a child-free (or only immediate family's children) is fine but not inviting your HUSBAND (not boyfriend, not partner) is off. Definitely.

YABU to be upset

OvariesForgotHerPassword · 17/05/2017 17:49

I think with cousins it's 50/50 as to whether you're invited to the weddings (I know these threads always have posters saying that for some Irish weddings it's unthinkable not to invite everyone you've ever met but aside from that). I only had a few of my cousins at my wedding and I don't think it's unusual for only the cousin to be invited, but it's an invite not a summons etc etc and no one is forcing you to go if you don't want to.

I'd be annoyed about the stag do if the godfather cousin had a part in arranging it and knowingly booked it for that day, I wouldn't have him as godfather in that situation. Otherwise there's not much he can do, he isn't going to miss his brother's stag for a christening, it's not the end of the world. One of DD's godmothers couldn't make it to her naming ceremony because she was at a wedding that day. No big deal, not her fault.

Madwoman5 · 17/05/2017 23:09

My husband, daughter and I would love to be at your wedding. Can't wait to see you!

SnapAttack · 17/05/2017 23:12

Have you spoken to him? He may not have clicked it's the same day.

Fruitcorner123 · 17/05/2017 23:14

Just don't go to the wedding and as for the stag do I would have thought that your cousin could have just said "no sorry I can't do that date" so i would be picking another godfather. Hate how people think their weddings are so much more important than everything and everyone else. We had some partners we barely knew at our wedding because it's normal to invite partners. I know some people don't do children but a relations husband!!??

Chloe84 · 17/05/2017 23:45

I wouldn't go to the wedding.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 17/05/2017 23:50

I think the wedding is the more minor issue... Decline or accept, that's up to you.

The clash of the Christening/Stag is the more hurtful thing. Did he go ahead with the arrangement knowing it was a clash? And even if he didn't, it's hurtful he has prioritised the stag.

Assuming your choice of godparent is important to you, as hurtful as it is, I would find another one. He's sent you a very powerful message, and it's not very nice.

I'm so sorry.

TheweewitchRoz · 18/05/2017 00:49

It's shit but not much you can do other than not go to the wedding & get another godparent.

lalalalyra · 18/05/2017 00:53

The wedding thing isn't an issue imo. People can have huge numbers of cousins and the line has to be drawn somewhere so inviting just cousins is fine imo. If between them a couple have even just 20 cousins then you can easily treble that number with spouses and kids.

The christening is a different matter. Has the godfather realised the clash yet? Did he pick the date?

CheeseQueen · 18/05/2017 01:15

I'd be pissed off at the stag do thing. He knows it's the christening, and has to be there - already accepted months in advance, being Godfather he's hardly a random guest.
The wedding thing though? Not so much. It might be a numbers thing, and even if not they're entitled to have a small wedding without inviting absolutely everyone.

Counterpane · 18/05/2017 01:36

Reply to the invite with: "Sorry, can't make it, I've got a delivery from Tesco coming that day and I've booked a four-hour slot, so have to be here."

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 18/05/2017 01:56

Counter that's brilliant!

I wouldn't go.

McTufty · 18/05/2017 02:05

Are you close to the cousin who is getting married?

I wouldn't go. Not inviting your DC is absolutely fine but your DH is another matter, and it smacks to me of you not being that high up the priority list, sorry.

I would be upset about the Christening though.

Imbroglio · 18/05/2017 02:21

The child will only be 8 or 9 months old at the wedding. I'd be annoyed at being expected to leave a baby of that age to attend a wedding.

McTufty · 18/05/2017 03:47

imbroglio

The consequence of that is that you would expect them to prioritise your childcare wishes over their wishes for their wedding on their wedding day. Really?

I don't think they 'expect' OP to leave her baby if she's uncomfortable to do so, they probably expect her to decline if that's the case.

emmyrose2000 · 18/05/2017 06:37

I'd uninvite the cousin to be the godfather. He made a bad decision organising/attending a stag do of all things on the very date he knew he had a prior important commitment. Bad decisions equals consequences, and in this case not being godparent is the consequence of that.

Not inviting children to weddings is hardly unusual, so I wouldn't be getting upset at that. But someone would have to be very lacking in basic etiquette, common sense and manners to not invite someone's spouse or long term partner to a wedding. So, no, I wouldn't be attending the wedding.

Unless the partner has done something beyond hideous to the bride or groom, there is absolutely no excuse for only inviting one half of a couple. If they can't afford to invite everybody, then they need to scale back elsewhere, or not invite either half of the couple.

Original poster

TeddyIsaHe · 18/05/2017 08:53

Ok, so the groom chose the weekend - my cousin is the younger of the two and I totally get that he can't force his brother to change the date for me, which is why I just let that one go. We've had the christening, I had a stand in for him. I'd just about got over that, and then this stupid invitation! I have a feeling it's the fiancé controlling the invitations, it's not a cost or numbers thing. DH has met them a few times, I guess I just feel like it's a big slap in the face, but it is their day so I'm worried I'm being selfish and just thinking of myself. Still pissed off though!

OP posts:

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 18/05/2017 08:56

Have a lovely day out with dh and dc instead of the wedding and stick the pics all over fb!!

SchnauzerLife · 18/05/2017 09:08

I'd be interesting to know if any other cousins were invited on their own. If there are others who had partners missed from the invite I wouldn't take it to heart, however if your family is the only one I'd be curious as to why

Whack · 18/05/2017 09:14

It's really really rude and odd to invite half of a married couple to a wedding, celebrating marriage! YANBU. I wouldn't go.

iseenodust · 18/05/2017 09:31

I've known spouses not be invited to a wedding when it's a work colleague & they've never met. I think it's odd when it's a cousin's DH and you are close enough that the groom's brother was going to be godfather to your child.

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