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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking husband to do both night feeds tomorrow

38 replies

mum2two17 · 11/05/2017 00:18

My husbands been away since Sunday with work. I'm at home all week with my two children one 6 weeks and a 4 year old. The 6 week old is constantly waking which is to be expected. 🤔Husband is home tomorrow evening and back in work Friday morning. AIBU to ask him to do both feeds tomorrow night to let me get a full nights sleep. One feed is at 12 and the other at 6am. I've just hit a wall this evening. We're both up early Saturday and Sunday this weekend as ds has football and Sunday husband invited his friends over so I will be up getting house and food ready. Hes had 5 days of uninterrupted sleep plus he's slept in our spare room a few times when baby's been really fussy whereas she hasn't left my side since she's been born

OP posts:
whereiscaroline · 11/05/2017 00:22

It's been a long time since I had a newborn so my thoughts here could be wrong! But is your 4YO in school tomorrow? If so, any chance of you sleeping during the day when your baby sleeps and then asking DH to do the night feeds Friday night instead?

LauraPalmersBodybag · 11/05/2017 00:27

Napping in the day is not the same as a proper nights sleep. If you're very tired I don't think it's U. Get a good nights sleep and a nap in if you can. Newborns are gruelling and your DH has had decent stretch of things, I'm sure he can handle a couple of ninny feeds for one night.

Perhaps he should be giving you a night or two off every week? Looking after children is work too.

MommaGee · 11/05/2017 00:30

Absolutely not unreasonable. He needs to help out and you being dead your feet is no good

toffeeboffin · 11/05/2017 00:30

YANBU.

We've a four month old and a three year old, it's bloody hard work, you need a full night's sleep!

pinkyredrose · 11/05/2017 00:31

Why on earth wouldn't he do the feeds? It's his baby too. Also he should be sorting the house and food for his mates, you're not running a restaurant.

MommaGee · 11/05/2017 00:32

If so, any chance of you sleeping during the day when your baby sleeps the problem is baby will finally sleep, possibly on you. If you can get her down you need to eat, drink and wee. You manage that and she's still sleep you might be able to switch off easily if your exhausted but you'll only get 15 mins of her two hour nap. Other naps will coincide with school run, door going etc cos its sods law

toffeeboffin · 11/05/2017 00:33

And you should without a doubt have a couple of nights off per week.

Especially since you could feasibly go to bed early, have him do the 12 pm feed then you could do the 6am feed if you wake early.

toffeeboffin · 11/05/2017 00:35

And pinky is right re the food.

You're not a fucking superwoman. He is away all week, sleeping in a hotel, comes home and expects you to cook food for his mates at the weekend after 24/7 looking after the kids? Hmm

Trifleorbust · 11/05/2017 06:43

I'm working full time and doing the night feeds. Of course he can do this for one night. Would he keel over if he had a late night out one night? No.

WellErrr · 11/05/2017 06:48

Yes, of course he needs to do the feeds.

He also needs to get up and get the house clean, and sort food for his friends.

It's 2017 OP!!

DeadGood · 11/05/2017 06:50

Come on OP, why would you be the one getting up early to make food and tidy up for his friends?

And of course he should do both feeds

NotTheBelleoftheBall · 11/05/2017 06:57

I know me saying 'DH and I share babycare, housework and office-work absolutely equally' is not entirely helpful, because it's not how most families are set up (shared parental leave, phased return to work for both, DD is FF etc.).

BUT a completely equal division of labour CAN be done, so making the division a little more equal IS a possibility for you guys.

I can honestly say that my (high pressured client-facing) office job is FAR easier than being at home with a baby. In my experience it's a false perception that job-work is any more demanding and requires any more sleep than home-work. Unless one of you is in a high risk job (driving, surgeon, pneumatic drilling etc.).

Ecureuil · 11/05/2017 07:00

Of course YANBU. Although I have early wakers... 6am isn't a night feed in our house, it's a lie in!

CPtart · 11/05/2017 07:00

His friends are coming over, yet you're getting the house and food ready Confused
Let DH take his son to football and baby with him. He's not seen them all week after all. You have a lie in. Why do you all need to be up and about?

Dozer · 11/05/2017 07:03

Yanbu, and as PPs say, if your H invites friends over he should tidy/cater.

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/05/2017 07:21

12 and 6 is a doddle in comparison to most tiny babies. He should be able to do this more often than just a one off. I'd definitely ask.

Dishwashersaurous · 11/05/2017 07:33

Only two feeds at six weeks, that's amazing, most babies are feeding much more than that.

No reason at all he shouldn't do both feeds

Helloitsme88 · 11/05/2017 08:12

IM slightly envious that your 6 week old only wakes twice but yes I remember those newborn nights. They take it out of you. Of course you should ask him to do both feeds. Depending on the level of work he has to do the next day. If he's driving a lot or operating machinery then I would say no. If it's an office job or something similar then yes!
Hope you manage to get some rest

slinkyma · 11/05/2017 08:13

Well done for getting him on midnight and 6! Be aware that every few weeks the sleep may change pattern again... so you certainly need to be rested.

Tell him how you're feeling.

Plus - go to a restaurant instead on Sunday! Or st least get everyone to bring a dish.

blackteasplease · 11/05/2017 08:45

Yes, well done for getting him down to 2 night feeds with a six hour gap! Or well done him or whatever....

You should defo get DH doing that at least twice a week as a matter of course, not a favour. Loads of people go to work on less.

I also agree re Sunday - either go out or get people to being a dish. Even if you (as a couple) decide to cook, don't get up early to clear up. Your DH can do that or else just leave it. If they are mates they won't expect it!

DeadGood · 11/05/2017 08:48

"I'd definitely ask."

I'd definitely state.

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 11/05/2017 09:29

I never managed the "sleeping when the baby sleeps" in the day either. I was so exhausted, I was constantly scared of sleeping too heavily to hear the baby when s/he woke.

LouHotel · 11/05/2017 13:50

Not unreaasonable and who the hell invites mates round on a sunday when you have a 6 week old!

He should be having the kids sunday so you can catch up on sleep. Your body cant have even recovered yet.

blackteasplease · 11/05/2017 13:54

No, sleeping when the baby sleeps is bullshit.

TBH I can nap quite easily and did. But it's not really a nice way to live and doesn't replace a night out.

Also gets in the way of you getting out and doing things with the baby, should you want to, that might be of benefit to you both.

What is a total piss take is when some partners/ noisey bystanders say

"Oh, you should do the night waking because partner works in the day/ you can nap when baby sleeps" in the same breath as "you need to keep on top of the housework/ that's your job if you are sahm or on mat leave/ what have you been doing all day?"

blackteasplease · 11/05/2017 13:55

Nosey not noisy or even noisey!

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