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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I might be being taken for a mug?

32 replies

firstnightwemet · 29/04/2017 19:46

I've been seeing someone, not for very long and I do really like him.

He's posted 2 snapchats today of him with another woman.

I don't want to outright ask him who she is because then the jealousy controlling label gets stuck to you.

I've been badly burnt in the past so it's made me think the worst.

I'm sat here crying like an idiot so please be kind.

OP posts:
HirplesWithHaggis · 29/04/2017 19:49

She could be a sister, a friend's sister, a cousin, an old friend... I'd ask, not in an accusing way, just curious. I'd ask if his companion were a man, too.

Original poster
firstnightwemet · 29/04/2017 19:53

He doesn't have a sister and all the friends he's ever talked about are male.

I wouldn't care if he has female friends. Just care if they're more than friends Sad

OP posts:
PeaFaceMcgee · 29/04/2017 19:53

What's she been doing with this other woman then? If they're not candoodling she could be anyone innocuous

MagnumAddict · 29/04/2017 19:53

Presumably he knows you can see his snapchat?

It's really hard to say without context, could be perfectly innocent like a friend or sister or he could be giving you a not so subtle hint.

Has he been in contact?

Have you had a chat about not seeing anyone else?

Not sure it's worth questioning his snap chat but if nothing else you definitely need to establish where you stand with him.

Sorry you feel so upset Flowers

PeaFaceMcgee · 29/04/2017 19:54

*he

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 29/04/2017 19:54

Whereabouts did you assume him to be today?

MagnumAddict · 29/04/2017 19:54

What is your gut feeling OP?

Original poster
firstnightwemet · 29/04/2017 20:00

He works Saturday morning and I didn't know what else he was doing afterwards. We didn't plan to see each other as I had plans (that fell through)

He has been in contact, three texts but he's never been a constant back and forth texter.

They're sat on the sofa together and she has a glass of wine and they've pretty much been together for the last 5 hours.

OP posts:
Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 29/04/2017 20:03

Why not acknowledge you have seen the pics with. . "Oo looks like a party - are you having a good evening, have a drink for me!?"

PeaFaceMcgee · 29/04/2017 20:10

No evidence of schenanigans - would give benefit of doubt. Not everyone lists all their friends / plans. You'll no doubt text him later / tomorrow to ask how his day was / what he got up to.

pudddy · 29/04/2017 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pudddy · 29/04/2017 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frieda909 · 29/04/2017 20:32

It really could be anyone. If he's sneaking around then I'm not sure he'd be posting pics of himself on Snapchat with her!

How long have you been seeing him? What does he think you are to each other?

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 29/04/2017 20:42

Why don't you just say your plans fell through - fancy catching up

Then if he's busy - he can tell you what he's up to. Or maybe invite you along too to meet his old friend. That's my optimistic look on it. And there's nothing outright suspicious from what you've said Smile

FlyingElbows · 29/04/2017 20:44

Never mind "the jealousy controlling label" (unless it's something you have a genuine problem with). It's a fundamental essential of a relationship that you are able to ask each other questions. Life is too short for second guessing and daftness. Just talk to him.

BurningViolin · 29/04/2017 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheStoic · 29/04/2017 20:59

That's not a very nice thing to do.

Would you put a pic up on social media of you and another man having drinks, with no explanation to the man you were 'seeing'?

Whether it's innocent or not, he sounds like an attention seeker who will enjoy keeping you on your toes.

lookatyourwatchnow · 29/04/2017 21:02

What thestoic said. Would you do that to him with no explanation?

wherethewildrosesgrow · 29/04/2017 21:12

lets hope there's some explanation, hope it all works out the way you want op

Whisky2014 · 29/04/2017 21:14

Ask him if he wants to come over?

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 29/04/2017 21:14

Of course he knows you'll see it. Take it as read he's seeing other people until he confirms explicitly that he doesn't want you to. Go out and find some more company. Keep him and bin him as you see fit.

AcrossthePond55 · 29/04/2017 21:24

How long is 'not very long'? Have you had the 'exclusive' talk yet?

It's been ages since I've been in the dating world, but when I was single I always assumed that we were NOT exclusive unless it was a spoken agreement. If you and he haven't discussed it then he may very well feel that he's still free to see other people (as are you).

Don't sit and cry, that won't accomplish anything. Neither will an accusatory 'who is she ?'. Let tonight go and tomorrow simply ask him if he considers the two of you to be 'exclusive' as you don't want to presume anything.

happypoobum · 29/04/2017 21:26

How long have you been seeing him? Have you had the "exclusive" chat?

There have been a few threads on here recently from women who meet blokes online, sleep with them, and then assume they are in an exclusive relationship, sometimes having unprotected sex.

They appear to be most vexed when it turns out the bloke is dating other women.

Not saying this is your case OP as you haven't given much info, but I would urge caution to anyone these days. Flowers

I hope she is his gay best friend Flowers

happypoobum · 29/04/2017 21:27

Sorry - X post Across Grin

Original poster
firstnightwemet · 29/04/2017 21:34

Would you put a pic up on social media of you and another man having drinks, with no explanation to the man you were 'seeing'?

No never. Like I said I really like this man and I wouldn't want to jepodise that.

We met online and talked for a couple of months before we met. So if you don't count that then around 2 months.

OP posts: