Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To punish DS for getting detention?

36 replies

AtSea1979 · 28/04/2017 20:40

DS has missing three pieces of homework. Lied to me that he'd done it. He has been given an hour after school detention. Should I also issue a sanction such as no games console? Or just explain how disappointed I am and leave school to dish out the sanctions for school things?

OP posts:
pleasecomesoonspring · 28/04/2017 20:40

I'd punish him for lying

theduchessstill · 28/04/2017 20:41

How old is he? It's not just a school thing is it - he lied to you.

HouseOfGoldandBones · 28/04/2017 20:42

It's not just school things though.

School are punishing him for not doing his homework.

You would be punishing him for lying to you.

So, no, I don't think you would BU to punish him too.

BoneyBackJefferson · 28/04/2017 20:43

Just get him to do and then show you the homework.

No extra punishment needed.

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 28/04/2017 20:44

I would think the detention is punishment enough and go with the disappointment.
I have seen a "study" that showed that the more pressure you put on children the more likely they are to lie.

harderandharder2breathe · 28/04/2017 20:45

I would punish the lying to you not the lack of homework which school has dealt with already

Wolfiefan · 28/04/2017 20:45

Lying should result in a sanction at home.

offblackeggshell · 28/04/2017 20:50

Lying is the issue. The home work thing is stupid. The lying is just not acceptable.

neonrainbow · 28/04/2017 20:50

Yup id punish the lying too. Not acceptable.

GretchenFranklin · 28/04/2017 20:50

Just work with him to learn good habits for getting work done at home and in reasonable time.

I'm not big on punishing people tbh.

d270r0 · 28/04/2017 20:52

As a teacher I would absolutely say that detenton is not enough. Detentions are not that bad for the kid, they just sit for 45min or so and lots of kids don't really care if they get them or not. Some kids actively try and get them as it gives them 'street cred'. So if you want to make sure it doesn't happen again, I'd issue an extra punishment at home if he gets a detention.
I see many kids getting detention after detention and not caring a bit as there is no sanction at home when they get one.

BillyButtfuck · 28/04/2017 20:53

I'd punish the lying and explain how putting things off leads to everything just piling up and makes it harder to face because the problem (homework or otherwise) just gets bigger and bigger.
I'd also make sure he knows he wouldn't get in trouble for coming and telling you he's fallen behind and asking for help, I'm sure he already knows it but just highlight it again.

SmokeCloak · 28/04/2017 20:54

Detention is enough.

StarryIllusion · 28/04/2017 20:54

I wouldn't punish him for something the school have already sanctioned him for but would for lying. But I would make it clear that was what he was being punished for.

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 28/04/2017 20:54

How do I get him to do his homework? He gets so easily distracted, he'll sit there day dreaming. He's in school for 30-60 mins after school before I pick him up yet he messes about playing on computers instead of doing it there. I've asked him to attend their homework club but he says he will then doesn't.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 28/04/2017 20:55

Just work with him to learn good habits for getting work done at home and in reasonable time.

Unfortunately for some people, avoiding the negative consequences of not doing work (i.e. detention) is what forces them to learn the good habits. It isn't as easy as you're making it out to be. Smile

BillyButtfuck · 28/04/2017 20:55

How old is he Op? Advise for an 11 year old or a 17 year old would be different.

BillyButtfuck · 28/04/2017 20:56

Advice*

Pinkandwhiteblossoms · 28/04/2017 20:57

I think detention is adequate. I mean, he lied, but it's a "normal" teenage lie, isn't it?

I would worry a punishment might lead to resentment. I'd have a chat with him about how to avoid detentions in future.

MattAffleck · 28/04/2017 21:01

Sanctions for lying. How old is he? My 15 year old becomes a saint for months after a phone ban of 48 hours. 48 hours without snapchat is torture Hmm

skerrywind · 28/04/2017 21:12

Do you often punish OP?

I don't punish. Doesn't work for our family/

CancellyMcChequeface · 28/04/2017 21:15

Homework is a school issue and the school have already punished him for it with detention, so I don't think it's necessary to have any consequences at home for that. I think lying about homework is fairly harmless as lies go, and would probably just speak to him about it.

FeedTheSharkAndItWillBite · 28/04/2017 21:17

Definitely for lying!

If Detentions aren't a regular issue? Idk. But I think this kind of think is terrible. School work is a child's job. If I don't do my job we'd have a huuuge problem. So, not doing one's best (or at least the bare minimum, homework!!) is imo a serious issue.

gluteustothemaximus · 28/04/2017 21:17

Detention is punishment.

We don't do punishing here either. Might encourage more lying to avoiding getting into trouble.

I'd just say (and have said) there's no need to lie to me, you won't get into trouble. Then ask why he did, did he find the homework too hard/left it to the last minute/any other reason?

Open up communication with him rather than him get a punishment from school and home. Can't be fun.

Homework levels and pressure at school is shit. My DS hates it.

QuietNameChange · 28/04/2017 21:18

*thing

Idk. Maybe that's just how I was raised (not in the UK).

But I think it's your right to punish him again if you want to, yes.

And just 1 hour after 3 times? :0 So lenient!!