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Original poster

To punish DS for getting detention?

36 replies

AtSea1979 · 28/04/2017 20:40

DS has missing three pieces of homework. Lied to me that he'd done it. He has been given an hour after school detention. Should I also issue a sanction such as no games console? Or just explain how disappointed I am and leave school to dish out the sanctions for school things?

OP posts:
TheRealPooTroll · 28/04/2017 21:21

I'd probably go for a chat and checking the homework from now on. I think punishing for lying just makes kids better liars.

innagazing · 28/04/2017 21:23

He'd be having no screen time in my house for a while for the lying, and until he'd caught up with the homework. I'd be talking to the teacher and to him to ensure that he went to the homework club every night and would want to know if he didn't.

Empireoftheclouds · 28/04/2017 21:28

Age?

I would look at finding out why he has missed the homework, is he struggling in a certain subject?

HeddaGarbled · 28/04/2017 21:31

Doesn't everyone lie to avoid conflict or doing things they don't want to do or getting into trouble? I do.

Rather than punish him for this individual incident, if it were me (and it has been), I'd want to play a longer game by working with the school to let him know that we are communicating with each other and he will get caught out if he tries to pull the wool over our eyes.

You need to know what the homework is and you need to know whether it has been completed and handed in without relying on him telling you. Talk to his form tutor about how you can find this out and whether they would be willing to keep you informed.

No games console until he has completed each evening's homework and shown it to you is not so much punishment as incentive and seems reasonable to me.

specialsubject · 28/04/2017 21:36

Dicking around with free education is beyond entitled. No second chance to learn while the brain has so much capacity.

Remove toys until he performs to his best and isn't so idle.

jacks11 · 28/04/2017 21:57

I think I would be having very strong words about the lying to you about not doing those 3 pieces of homework- the school are punishing him for not doing the work. You need to deal with the fact he has been lying to you.

I think you need to understand why he didn't do the work. If it was because he was struggling with the work, then I would make it clear how disappointed you are that he lied to you. If it's not that, then I would punish him for lying. Taking away a games console for a week would be a suitable punishment, in my view.

scaryteacher · 29/04/2017 08:45

OP I would be sanctioning for the lying.

How to get him to do the homework....when ds got home from school, he was allowed 30 minutes to grab some fruit/toast and a drink and chat about his day. He then started his homework, and had to have it finished by the time dh got home from work, and I had cooked dinner. If he got it done before that, fine, but I had to see it and check it was OK. Homework was done at the table without distractions.

I also made sure I had a copy of his homework timetable, so I knew what he should be doing (I have been a Year 7, 9, 10 and 11 form tutor, so know the homework dodges). If I was happy with the quality of the work, he could get himself sorted for the next day, and then his time was his. If I wasn't, he redid it until I was. If he got stuck, I helped if asked

Ds had been to prep school before we moved abroad, so it was just a case of putting the same homework structure in place, and sticking to it on the nights when he wasn't doing scouts or swimming. If you can get them in good habits before Year 10 it helps enormously.

Anchovies12 · 29/04/2017 08:55

Depends for me whether this is the first time. My ds got detention for forgetting homework in year 7 and was mortified, I talked to him about it and it never happened again. I teach in his school though and have had students ask how long the homework will take so they can decide whether it's better to take the detention Shock These students imo are the ones who aren't benefitting from no punishments at home.

Flortle · 29/04/2017 09:03

I would punish the lying, yes.

DS has had two detentions in his school career - the first was a disciplinarian supply teacher who dished it out because he yelled at another kid to shut up in class. TBH, it was only because he wanted to get on with his own work so I didn't punish that at home.

The other time was when he forgot to turn his phone off and it rang in class. He didn't do it maliciously so no home punishment.

However, if he had a detention for not doing his homework and lying about it, it would be a minimum 24 hour removal of all gadgets. I'd also make it clear that if he lied again, it would result in a 3 day removal.

In our house, we've never had to remove for 3 days Grin

Crickeycrumbsblimey · 29/04/2017 09:13

Depends how you package it. In his case removal of screens, Xbox etc. sounds necessary if he is so easily distracted rather than a punishment.

You have to see his homework as well, remove the ability to lie about it. If he knows you are checking he has done it might be easier.

You are much further down this road than me OP but I tend to go for a punishment that makes sense, so you draw on a wall so I take away your pens for a time so you can't do it again. You didn't do your homework because you were watching tv so you don't get to watch tv. You played that video game I told you not to play so you can't use your console.

My son is younger but HATES homework and won't sit down. If you sort it out let us know how because I might be in your shoes soon!

Trifleorbust · 29/04/2017 09:23

I would punish him. Not doing homework is punished by school. Lying to you is a different matter.

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