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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not wear my wedding ring?

33 replies

IAmTheWorwax · 22/04/2017 17:48

We've been married 3 years and I wore my ring for about a year before ripping the fucker off and never put it back on. I hate wearing jewellery, I don't wear anything and never have done. I find it extremely irritating and it stresses me out

Dh has started to get really fed up with it recently and I'm not sure how we move forward from it. He feels it's a bit disrespectful and I should be wanting to show the fact I'm married. I feel that as long as I act married and then that's fine. I would be completely ok with it if he decided to stop wearing a ring btw.

So aibu not to wear it even though it irritates him?

OP posts:

PeaFaceMcgee · 22/04/2017 17:59

Yanbu. He is insecure and ridiculous. Is he otherwise controlling?

Honeybee79 · 22/04/2017 18:00

Yanbu! Ffs. A ring is purely symbolic. Plenty of married people don't wear them. He's being ridiculous.

KateDaniels2 · 22/04/2017 18:01

Its a weird one. I don't care wether dh wears his.

But on threads on here where women have questioned their husbands stopping wearing them, alot (not all) posters feel its a signal their dh is going to cheat.

SayenRose · 22/04/2017 18:03

YANBU.

When I'm warm my hands seem to swell (or maybe just become irritable) and wearing my wedding and engagement rings is just too uncomfortable, so in warmer weather I don't tend to wear them

DH isn't bothered, he wears his constantly but I wouldn't be bothered if he didn't. It's just jewellery.

KateDaniels2 · 22/04/2017 18:03

Sorry posted too soon.

It must upset some people. Don't think those women are ever labelled controlling though.

Personally i think its up to the individual.

PeaFaceMcgee · 22/04/2017 18:05

What does he say when you explain why you don't wear it? Was this discussed before your wedding - or did you think you might get on with it?

John4703 · 22/04/2017 18:05

YANBU
My wife is my wife on the days that she forgets to put on her ring. A ring is only a symbol and it is the love between you that matters.

JoandMax · 22/04/2017 18:05

I don't often wear mine, just find it really uncomfortable and makes eczema on my hands flare up. DH wears his 24/7 but it doesn't bother him!

ElinorRigby · 22/04/2017 18:05

I don't have a wedding ring. I feel quite married though. (I am married.)

kirstxx · 22/04/2017 18:07

YADNBU it's hardly the end of the world. I agree it's probably an insecurity thing. Maybe scream I'm married at everyone you meet to appease him
In all seriousness I'm sorry you're having to put up with this shit but if you do want to appease him slightly you could possibly get a light (thing iyswim) chain? I'm not a jewellery person but my OH bought me a necklace for christms that I barely notice anymore

kirstxx · 22/04/2017 18:07

Thin^

FanaticalFox · 22/04/2017 18:08

Apart from the day of the wedding my husband has never worn his wedding ring. He has said if i want he will get a tattoo or something but i know he loves me and I'm fine with it. He works with vehicles so i understand why he doesnt wear it, he also just doesnt do jewellery etc including watches so i dont mind! Its not personal. Maybe he has trust issues.

tarheelbaby · 22/04/2017 18:14

Plenty of married people don't wear rings, tis true but marriage is all about compromise. So you might like to investigate this gently rather than stating your position with a take it or leave it attitude, lest you be left.
Sometimes these little things are the straws on the camel's back. My DH doesn't wear one and I'm fine with that; we agreed it before the wedding. My father didn't wear one for my mother but told me later it was always a sore point for her.
If you have one and it was part of your engagement and/or wedding ceremony, I can see how your DH might think you'd wear it at least a bit, especially if he forked out or you chose it together.
If it interferes with your job (my dad's point as a printer/small machinery man), maybe you could wear it at home of an evening. Many ladies I know wear their wedding bands all the time but only wear their engagement rings as part of dressing smartly.

Strigoi · 22/04/2017 18:16

I don't always wear mine, particularly at weekends or if we're just going down the shops or something. All my jewellery comes off the minute I get home from work, including rings. DH does occasionally comment if we've gone out somewhere and I've forgotten to put it on but he doesn't get arsey or insecure about it.

1stDinkyDecker · 22/04/2017 18:21

We've been married almost 30 years, haven't worn a wedding ring for almost all that time. It irritates my eczema. Doesn't stop us being married. DH doesn't wear one either, he out grew it:)

halobean · 22/04/2017 18:21

I haven't worn mine since I got pregnant first time around. Some bloke at my new job thought I was single and kept his dp secret from me in an attempt to get with me. When I found out he had a dp of 9 years, I asked why he had lied... he said "well you don't wear a wedding ring!". I am "married" on Facebook and talk about him and my kids all the time. Not strictly relevant to this post but wanted to get it off my chest.

BenLinusatemyhomework · 22/04/2017 18:25

I'm married and don't wear one as I lost it and just never got round to replacing it. I don't wear any other rings either and my lack of beringed finger has not incited me to be a raging cheater so far.

It's just a piece of metal and is as important as you or your spouse make it.

LittleWingSoul · 22/04/2017 18:26

I'm allergic to my wedding ring, which is a shame because I love it! I coat the inside in clear nail varnish to bypass this but once it comes off the allergy flares up (we are talking angry pus filled blisters - nice) so I go ring-less.

I prefer to wear it on nights out etc to ward off unwanted attention but as pp have said, its a symbol of something much greater!

Original poster

IAmTheWorwax · 22/04/2017 18:52

He can be a bit insecure but nothing crazy. The ring obviously means a lot to him and I don't like to upset him by purposely going against him, but I'm not sure how either of us will ever be happy with a decision. I just hate the feeling of any jewellery on me.

OP posts:

Original poster

IAmTheWorwax · 22/04/2017 18:52

Little I do wear it on nights out too, just makes life easier!

OP posts:

kimann · 22/04/2017 19:28

Yanbu. I never use mine neither does my husband. We are both just not used to jewellery. My mum constantly brings this up with me - why are you not wearing your ring. Do you not like being married. Are there problems in the marriage .... she just won't believe that we are just the type of people who don't use jewellery - we do for special occasions when she comes round and for nights out but other than that - no.

2bluestars · 22/04/2017 19:31

Just curious: did you not have a conversation about wearing/not wearing the ring before you got married? I guess if not, and you did wear it for a year, he would have ask expectation that wearing it was normal and feels like something changed maybe?

thenightsky · 22/04/2017 19:37

I've not worn mine in 35 years. Same OP I find it very irritating.

Now I cannot even get it over my arthritic knuckle.

DH has never had one (wasn't a thing for a bloke to have a WR in 1980).

BlueDaisies · 22/04/2017 21:04

I don't think yabu to not want to wear your ring if it stresses you out however I don't think your DH is bu either to hope that you would wear it. Hope being the key word- he's not unreasonable to want to see the ring on you, he is unreasonable to want you to do something you don't want to do. It's your finger, the choice is entirely yours (I hope this garbled paragraph makes sense!).

I wear mine often but sometimes I don't as I get eczema under it at times- in which case I take it off. I'm no less married when I don't wear it, however, I'm going against the grain here and I do like having that outward symbol of being married. I like seeing DH wearing his ring too. I'm not bothered when he doesn't I just like it when he does iyswim.

Just as an aside- I'm quite funny with rings and spent ages finding just the right one so that when wearing it I can't feel it. Is it perhaps that specific ring that is the problem? Could you look for an alternative that you can't feel, like a tiny stacker band?

TakeASipOfDancingJuice · 22/04/2017 21:08

Neither me or DH wear ours. He likes me to wear it if I go on a night out but to be honest, even when I've not worn it I don't get chatted up. Not sure if I give off 'fuck off' vibes or I'm just a minger

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