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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask what would you do about a DD with a hairy back?

36 replies

Germansausage88 · 20/04/2017 12:52

Just that really.

My DD is 4 and will be starting school in September. Both her dad and I are dark haired and she's olive skinned. She's got quite a lot of dark hair over her upper back which obvious she doesn't care about or even know it's there at the moment but I really really worry that she will get picked on when she starts school because of it.

I was picked on for similar reasons when I was at school and it seriously affected my self confidence and I don't want her to suffer the same Sad

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 20/04/2017 12:55

My 10 year old daughter is very hairy. She is blonde but the hairs are noticeable.

I do and say nothing.

If it's a problem for her when she is older we will cross that bridge when we come to it, but no way would I do anything about a 4 year old with a hairy back.

FlyingElbows · 20/04/2017 12:57

I would be very very careful that you don't project your own issues on to your child. You're looking for a problem which may never exist. Deal with it if it becomes a problem but don't go making it one.

Original poster
Germansausage88 · 20/04/2017 12:58

I know, I just can bare her feeling the way I did and am trying to protect her from that

OP posts:
Worriedaboutsmear · 20/04/2017 12:58

I'm not really sure that there's much you can do as there is no ethical or appropriate method of removing hair from a young child. I think all you can do is instill some self confidence in her before (if they even do) any kids make nasty comments to her. Something like "you've got beautiful hair on your back, did you know that it's your magical armour and it is there to protect you?". Make her feel good about it so that she can answer the kids back.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 20/04/2017 12:59

I see lots of hairy kids when I take DD swimming, have never seen anyone commenting on it.

munchkinmaster · 20/04/2017 13:01

My daughter is the same age and has a kind of velvety back. I had thought she would grow out of it. She is completely oblivious.

I really don't worry people will tease. I used to work with kids with proper disfigurements and primary school kids are remarkably cool and accepting of teal marked differences when they are introduced at a young age.

Crisscrosscranky · 20/04/2017 13:02

At 4 I wouldn't do anything- my DD Is just turned 10 and only jut starting to notice body hair (as in "X has hair under her arms; am I going to get that) in last month or so.

LittleWingSoul · 20/04/2017 13:03

She's got the whole of the rest of her life to worry about this sort of thing, unless there is a seismic shift in the current way body hair on women is perceived in society.

Don't project!

I'm a hairy latina and this post makes me feel quite sad, actually.

Original poster
Germansausage88 · 20/04/2017 13:03

I suppose I worry (stupidly) because I suffer from PCOS and wonder if I've passed it on to her

OP posts:
HolditFinger · 20/04/2017 13:05

It's more common than you think! DD has a line of hair down her back, so do I. Nobody ever mentioned it. The scary amount of facial fluff I suddenly sprouted at puberty was another matter. I was bullied over that, but back hair, no.

Honeybee79 · 20/04/2017 13:06

Don't do anything at this stage. If it becomes an issue as your DD gets older then deal with it as and when.

Are you sure it's as noticeable as you think or are you worrying unduly (but understandably) due to your own experiences?

Meekonsandwich · 20/04/2017 13:07

But, when would they see it???
She'd be wearing clothes surely? Unless she went swimming? She'll be fine, until they get to prepuberty they don't really notice hair and such lots of girls get hairy legs and then get to secondary school and want to shave it off.
I wouldn't mention, not even in a positive way, you'll draw attention

Morphene · 20/04/2017 13:10

If she ever gets bullied, then deal with the bullies, not her.

She will learn more from that to help her self-esteem than any other single thing you could do.

Original poster
Germansausage88 · 20/04/2017 13:14

Meek when she's got her hair up you can see it on her neck and when she's wearing certain clothes you can see it on her back. I also worry when she's getting changed for PE. I know I'm projecting my own fears onto her and I shouldn't but I'm just so worried she will get picked on because of it, kids can be so cruel

OP posts:
Astro55 · 20/04/2017 13:20

You need to turn your thinking round

IF she is teased it's because the bullies are awful people NOT because there is anything wrong with your child.

IF it's mentioned then you speak to the teacher to make her aware and listen for comments - a few pull ups on behavior will sort it out at this age

papersmile · 20/04/2017 13:22

Absolutely agree with Morpheme - do not try to change the way your daughter looks because you are worried about bullying.

Children can get bullied about anything - wearing glasses, colour of hair, being too tall, too short etc etc - teach your child to be resilient and deal with the bullies.

5moreminutes · 20/04/2017 13:23

I'm afraid what you have to do is make sure that she feels she can tell you anything without judgement and with the expectation you will sympathise - that way if anyone does ever say anything mean she will tell you. That is much harder than deciding to Immac her back every week for the rest of her life, but also much kinder and less likely to give her a raft of body image issues...

mrsBeverleygoldberg · 20/04/2017 13:25

If kids mention it and she is sad speak to the teacher. You can't take a four year old to get her back waxed. Everyone is different and the other kids need to be accepting of those differences. Lots of people have hair that shows. Would a vest help you worry less?

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/04/2017 13:26

My dd has just decided to wear short her sleeved thermal vests from M&S for PE underneath her clothes as she doesn't want to "show" herself to the boys. They look like fitted white t-shirts but she will soon be hot now the summer is coming. She's year 4. Doesn't have any body image issues though. If you are concerned about the hairs, perhaps buy your dd some little sleeveless vests to wear under her clothes - if she will wear them. It won't cover everything. But it is common for little kids to wear vests and may set your mind at ease. Although honestly, at their age, the kids really won't notice. And if they do, it's just a case of we all come in different shapes, sizes and colours etc. But we're all equal. And remember just because you hated being teased and hated your hair, she may like her fluffy back in primary school. I remember the first time my mother saw my dd at 2 days old, she saw the dark hairs and said "she won't like that" about them Hmm. Really? Why? It's just hair. The hairs are now lighter. But they're there and if dd doesn't want them there (which I can't imagine they will annoy her), we will deal with them. And being an ultra aware and loving mummy, so will you.

disastrouslee · 20/04/2017 13:27

My DD s also 4 and alao has a hairy back. It wouldn't occur to me to draw attention to it.

If she still has it when she's older, and if it bothers her, we'll do something about it. But til then, it's a non-issue. 4 year olds really don't notice these of things.

grannytomine · 20/04/2017 13:27

I had this worry with my DD, she is mixed race with olive skin and jet black hair. She was like a monkey when she was a baby and I was so worried about her hairy face that one of the other mothers in my NCT group promised to deal with it if necessary, she was a beautician. Well it got less and less and now she is an adult and has less facial and body hair than I did at her age. I got to a stage where I was sure she was shaving/waxing her arms as all the fur disappeared at puberty and she still has hairless arms.

I get why you are worried but not much you can do at this stage and I know I wasted a lot of time worrying about something that ended up not being a problem.

SomethingBorrowed · 20/04/2017 13:27

you've got beautiful hair on your back, did you know that it's your magical armour and it is there to protect you?
OP please don't tell her that. A child repeating this at school will be teased forever.

allthingslipsticks · 20/04/2017 13:35

Agree with this ^

Kids of all ages bully each other. OP, can your DD wear a vest with a high back which covers the area underneather her shirt?

SemiNormal · 20/04/2017 13:41

If she starts noticing it, commenting on it or other children do then just teach your daughter to respond in an intelligent way about it that will leave them feeling pretty silly eg

Child: Eww you have hair on your back, gross....
DD: Oh wow, did you not know that it's completely normal and we have it because .... I thought everyone knew that, weird.

StarOnTheTree · 20/04/2017 13:45

My DD is the same and she was well aware of it from being a toddler thanks to other people mentioning it and even stroking her back. Whem she started school kids noticed when changing for PE or swimming.

She's been asking to have it shaved off since she was 4 and she's 10 now. I had to go to school a couple of times about the teasing and she's careful to wear clothing that keeps her back covered.

I've always told her that there's nothing wrong with how she is and that lots of people are hairy, it's just not always as noticeable with lighter hair.

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