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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

More a WWYD! Messy house guest!

53 replies

ImBreakingBad · 18/04/2017 18:36

Dsis is a property developer and is selling her own house after it is refurbished to build a new house for herself on a plot she's purchased.. she's staying with us (DH and I) which is no problem,,but she is horrendously messy!!! I've said numerous times now and she just doesn't do anything about it. I feel as if I'm living in fuck all short of a sty. She also gets very upset when I attempt to discuss it!

What on earth do I do, she has nobody else to stay with!

OP posts:
LadyMaryofDownt0n · 18/04/2017 18:39

HOW long is she staying for?

This would drive me nuts!

FloatyCat · 18/04/2017 18:40

Time to be more direct, dear my discuss it tell her, "you need to pick that up, you can't leave that there, you've left xxx out".

FloatyCat · 18/04/2017 18:41

Don't know why I've randomly called you 'dear' lol Grin. Think I meant 'don't'.

FanaticalFox · 18/04/2017 18:41

Confine her stuff to her bedroom. Start picking up after her and putting her stuff into her bedroom. She'll soon get the hint. At least in her bedroom you can't really see it!

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 18/04/2017 18:44

Tell her to have some respect for your home you are kindly letting her stay in so that she doesn't have to pay for hotel and to pick up after herself.

icelollycraving · 18/04/2017 18:45

I think it is time to tell her the options are living with you and respecting your home or finding a rental that she can be a pig in shit a bit freer. It won't be a quick process if she is building somewhere.

Original poster
ImBreakingBad · 18/04/2017 18:50

Ah, we've so long to go yet. The builds moving at a quick pace so that's a good thing at least.

I've done what a PP said and shoved all her stuff in her room.

I ended up going a tad nuts and now feel awful!

I'm not even an overly tidy person, I just expect things to be clean and put in their place. not lying around every fucking surface in my home .

OP posts:
user1471558436 · 18/04/2017 18:50

Together write a list of jobs and draw up a rota between you all.

Try and get her to tidy as she goes. Give her the towel she left on the floor or stick everything she's left out in a massive box.

CaulkheadNorth · 18/04/2017 18:52

I am really Messy. I try to tidy up but my idea of being tidy isn't the same as others.
Is she actually trying?

ScarlettFreestone · 18/04/2017 18:53

"I love you and it's great having you here but your messiness is driving me crazy! Please make an effort to x/y/z while you are here. Mess makes me feel stressed."

You are doing her a big favour and no doubt saving her money. Your house, your rules.

Batgirlspants · 18/04/2017 18:54

It's very disrespectful op and it's not your fault it's hers to fit into your house rules.

I have 3 kids living with me over 18 and went ape yesterday as frankly the bathroom was a tip. I am not a slave. I won't live in a tip. They tidied up.

Don't pussy foot around her op she should be ultra sensitive to your house rules as you are doing her a massive favour.

Original poster
ImBreakingBad · 18/04/2017 18:55

I just tried to be nice and I'm now getting the cold treatment! I got told I'm OCD and "need to relax".

Maybe I could relax if there wasn't shit lying all about my floors! Don't think the woman has any idea what a hoover is (or where it's kept for that matter).

I'm now positively fuming.

OP posts:
Missrubyring · 18/04/2017 18:58

It doesn't sound like she respects you or your house OP.
I'd be telling her to tidy up after herself or get out tbh.

nackle · 18/04/2017 19:00

Tell her you're entitled to be OCD/pissed off in your own house.

icelollycraving · 18/04/2017 19:00

Well then I'd be telling her you want to relax but you can't. She is being very unappreciative.

Chippednailvarnishing · 18/04/2017 19:00

I hear Travelodge us lovely this time of year, she could go and relax undisturbed.

If that fails next time put all her stuff in the bin rather than her bedroom.

ScarlettFreestone · 18/04/2017 19:04

I'd be setting some firm ground rules or giving her notice.

rookiemere · 18/04/2017 19:05

If she has been there for more than a week she is no longer a house guest but a lodger. You're doing her a huge favour- tell her she needs to keep her stuff in the room she is sleeping in or find somewhere else to go.

HorridHenryrule · 18/04/2017 19:07

How will she cope in her new house you might go visit her one day and you'll struggle to move in her house. My partner has been in houses like that a complete shit hole.

Mrscog · 18/04/2017 19:08

Focus on one area at a time - what sorts of things is she doing? Is it gross stuff or just different standards. I am not naturally tidy and when we go and stop at MILs holiday home she follows me around putting stuff away which to me naturally lives 'out' - for example a magazine on a coffee table, or a pair of sunglasses on the kitchen worktop for 10 mins while I pop to the loo and have a drink before going back outside. I find it irritating and stressful.

Mrscog · 18/04/2017 19:12

Sorry I didn't finish what I was going to say about focussing on one area at a time - could you come to an agreement about keeping the living area as you like even if she leaves some extra stuff in the kitchen?

How long is she going to be there for? That would also change my response.

happypoobum · 18/04/2017 19:15

Given the fact she is an adult, I would tell her she either tidies up after herself or finds somewhere else to live.

YANBU

Original poster
ImBreakingBad · 18/04/2017 19:15

She hasn't been here almost 3 months. I've managed to keep my mouth zipped this entire time but for the last week it has really stated getting to me.

Examples of stuff done: Loading the washing machine with her own stuff and not washing it (leaving me to do it).

Not emptying the bins and leaving them until they are practically over flowing with X,Y,Z.

Not hoovering/mopping after she's made a mess. Leaving wrappers/food on the floor.

Leaving shit everywhere and out of place.

It sounds really trivial and I feel awful but I cannot live like that!

OP posts:
Iflyaway · 18/04/2017 19:18

Start picking up after her

Really?? Hmm

She's good enough to open her house to her messy ways and you think she should start acting as her maid?! WTF.

OP, I'm sure there are some places around that do short-term lets, there's always Airbnb....

Serialweightwatcher · 18/04/2017 19:18

Tell her if she doesn't sort herself out because you've had enough she'll have to find a b&b or anywhere else ... you are obviously close because she wouldn't be staying otherwise so just tell her that if she's in your house, she needs to treat it as you would which is only polite when you've been so kind