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AIBU?

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Original poster

More a WWYD! Messy house guest!

53 replies

ImBreakingBad · 18/04/2017 18:36

Dsis is a property developer and is selling her own house after it is refurbished to build a new house for herself on a plot she's purchased.. she's staying with us (DH and I) which is no problem,,but she is horrendously messy!!! I've said numerous times now and she just doesn't do anything about it. I feel as if I'm living in fuck all short of a sty. She also gets very upset when I attempt to discuss it!

What on earth do I do, she has nobody else to stay with!

OP posts:
HecateAntaia · 18/04/2017 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrscog · 18/04/2017 19:21

oh god some of that is annoying - especially the washing machine!

How old is she?

rookiemere · 18/04/2017 19:25

next time take her washing out of the machine and put it on her bed. Ditto with the wrappers and bins. I'm messy but thats not simply messiness thats treating you like you're a maid. She sounds like a stroppy teen rather than an adult.

TheDowagerCuntess · 18/04/2017 19:26

Oh, that would drive me nuts.

I'd just say, 'I'm not OCD thanks, I'm normal. You're messy, and cleaning up after you every day is making me really unhappy'.

opinionatedfreak · 18/04/2017 19:26

Big open discussion. Neutral mediator if required (parents/ another sibling).

This isn't working for me because of X, Y,Z.

Ask her to pay for a cleaner (that is what my brother and I did, we were both apprehensive when he moved in, and ultimately it worked brilliantly).

You must be saving her a fortune I would remind her of this.

archersfan22 · 18/04/2017 19:27

I am definitely not the tidiest or most houseproud person but bins overflowing, wrappers on floor etc is definitely not acceptable in someone else's house.
If you were saying she doesn't squeegee the shower after she's used it, or she doesn't put the loo seat down or something then I'd have more sympathy with her.
Was her own house always messy? Maybe she just doesn't see the problems because she's so used to a messy/dirty environment? Or did she normally have a cleaner at home?

I think you need to spell out for her a specific list of tasks she needs to do eg empty bin if it's full/every day, no leaving dirty washing in machine etc. Maybe offer her the option of paying for a cleaner for the time she's with you if you think that would help? (Not if you will get stressed tidying up for the cleaner!) Then if she can't or won't improve you need to give her a list of local Travelodges etc and tell her it's not working for you any more.

Original poster
ImBreakingBad · 18/04/2017 19:27

I'm seriously considering it!! She's just came down to say sorry and that she will make a conscious effort to tidy her things - progress(????).

The washing machine is the worst. I've told her she can leave her clothes to fester in her room and to stop doing it!

She's mid 30's. Always been messy.

OP posts:
limon · 18/04/2017 19:30

I'd be picking g up everything g she leaves behind her, putting it in a tub and putting it in her room (including dirtybplates, cups etc).

Doilooklikeatourist · 18/04/2017 19:33

Remind her that it's your house , and you are not prepared to put up with her mess any longer
Tell her that she has 24 hours to sort it out to a standard that's acceptable to you , or she will have to find somewhere else to live
Every day , your standards are the standards she has to live up to
Now , can I get my 19 year old to do the same ....

TheDowagerCuntess · 18/04/2017 19:33

What's the thinking behind putting your washing in the machine and not turning it on, I wonder... 🤔

Hissy · 18/04/2017 19:36

Property developers usually rent something short term...

How much is she paying you?

What about bills? Food? Etc?

This will destroy your relationship either between you and her, or your partner

Enough, she can go and be a disrespectful slob somewhere else

Original poster
ImBreakingBad · 18/04/2017 19:38

I just keep flinging stuff on the bed in her room Grin.

I've no idea behind the thinking of that, it's beyond me. She doesn't just leave it either, she utterly crams everything in until the point the poor thing is ready to burst!!

I feel like such a cow Sad

OP posts:
Hissy · 18/04/2017 19:41

She's the sow, love.

Please don't feel guilty, she's going to make 10s or 100s of thousands of pounds at your expense.

Original poster
ImBreakingBad · 18/04/2017 19:42

hissy she is buying all her own food and contributing to all household bills.

She has 3 properties which are being rented out currently. She was going to issue one of them with their notice but I said she could stay. My own fault none the less!

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnishing · 18/04/2017 19:42

Fgs grow a pair and stop treating her like she's made out of glass.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/04/2017 19:45

You do realise she's living with you rent free and she's going to make a tidy profit out of the refurbished house? On top of this, she cannot even be bothered to treat you with respect! This is very wrong. She's single, she can go and living in the building site mess. It looks like that's where she's most comfortable.

gettinfedduppathis · 18/04/2017 19:50

Sounds like she's reverted to teenager mode!

SquinkiesRule · 18/04/2017 20:03

Oh dear poor you OP, I'd be going ape shit on her ass if she were mine.
I will make a prediction.
Once her new house is built she will be going mad is someone leaves so much as a sweet paper on the floor

Hissy · 18/04/2017 20:05

So she is fucking minted, will be even more fucking minted and you will clear up her shit?

She has to go. This will divide you all.

BBCNewsRave · 18/04/2017 20:07

What an incredible sense of entitlement she has to even think of moving in with you when she owns property and is getting another one built! Shock
I thought adults lived together either because they enjoy it/are compatible living together (clearly not the case here!), or out of necessity. It's not "necessity" if you are swanning around developing property and having a house built!

user1471558436 · 18/04/2017 20:10

Maybe she can pay for a cleaner?

If she puts her stuff in the machine and leaves it, just take it out and leave it In a pile

BellyBean · 18/04/2017 20:13

Suggestions:

Start charging her for a cleaner
Take washing out the machine and put in bin bag in her room
Box everything up she leaves lying around and put in her room
When she gets home from work/at the weekend, hand her the hoover/mop and say it's your turn.

If she doesn't like it she can leave.

SheSaidHeSaid · 18/04/2017 20:16

In what way does she get upset? It's not fair on you that she's treating your house like a dump & then emotionally blackmails you to stop telling her to be tidier.

Was she like this in her own home?

Original poster
ImBreakingBad · 18/04/2017 20:30

I think a cleaner is the way forward. She's not entitled acting in a spoiled way. She's just incredibly messy and touchy when someone picks up on it. Otherwise, she's great.

I get upset because we can't agree on this. I enjoy having her here minus the mess.

For what it's worth, her house is a mess as well. Not dirty, just cluttered!

OP posts:
FanaticalFox · 18/04/2017 20:32

A cleaner won't tidy up though?

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