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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

- men coming on MN?

236 replies

iwantedaSindywardrobe · 15/04/2017 01:17

Now I have no problem with men coming on here and declaring that they are men but seeking a female perspective on something. But there seem to be men who lurk and men who post pretending to be women on here.

I've read a few posts recently where there have been quite a lot of misogynistic comments (not saying women can't be like that) and some of those posters are clearly men. Mostly posts about how how women and girls are subject to sexually inappropriate or manipulative behaviour by males.

Why are men coming on here and doing this? It's a public forum, I get that, but it would never cross my mind to go on a DadsNet or equivalent forum pretending to be a man just to slate men and their particular experiences.

Is it just me who finds this odd and creepy?

OP posts:

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 15/04/2017 01:22

One word: Trolls.

SoupDragon · 15/04/2017 01:23

Can't say I've ever seen a man pretending to be a woman.

Insomnibrat · 15/04/2017 01:28

The whole internet is odd and creepy.

iwantedaSindywardobe · 15/04/2017 01:29

SoupDragon I've noticed sometimes when the debates get heated, talking about men, sometimes a poster will use the word 'we' rather than 'men'. I've had a bit more time to myself this past week so been paying more attention than usual to some of the threads.

Zafodbeeblbrox10 · 15/04/2017 01:45

I'm a man. I find it quite therapeutic. Although I'm not a normal fella as most of my friends (irl) are female and you will never find me talking about football. I stumbled upon MN whilst looking up something on the Internet, and found the discourse rather interesting. I don't proclaim to be a male when I comment, but my given name is a bit of a giveaway! And I'm not misogynistic as I have respect for the females and the feminine principle. I also have respect for life on this planet and the other creatures which inhabit it. I don't have any respect for those who have no respect for the aforementioned.

iwantedaSindywardobe · 15/04/2017 01:55

Hi Zafo. Your name isn't a giveaway re your gender to me, am I missing something?!

However, if you posted on something deeply sensitive with regards to gender issues would you make it clear that you are male?

As I said earlier I have no problem with men being here but on some occasions I think the right thing to do as a man would to be open and honest about that.

Darlink · 15/04/2017 01:57

I might be a woman pretending to be a man

WaegukSaram · 15/04/2017 01:57

Zafod What's the "feminine principle"? And please tell me you were being ironic when you referred to women as "the females"?

I have no problem with men on MN, as long as they conduct themselves with decorum. Same rule as for The Females, tbh.

Haven't seen anyone pretending to be a woman, but I will certainly have my eyes open now.

Ceto · 15/04/2017 02:03

I was once accused by a number of posters of being a man during a fairly heated discussion in which I refused to be shouted down. I found it quite sad that other women made that assumption rather than accepting that a woman could stand up for herself. So I wouldn't necessarily jump to conclusions about the sex of individual posters.

TVTurtles · 15/04/2017 02:03

I'm a man I've been on MN for 2-3 years now, I don't actively announce I'm a man because that's frowned upon and to be fair there are some posters and subjects that if you're known to be a man you'll get a bashing but if they assume you're a woman then it's accepted so it feels like it's not my view they disagree with it's that I'm a man. I don't see it as deception as because I generally don't see the need for anyone to state whether they're a man or woman, which is why I don't see why a lot of posters seem to think MN is the only safe space for women, when I'm on websites I don't think is this poster a man or a woman and I don't worry about it IYSWIM.

One thing I will say under a NC ( again generally speaking if I said the following and posters assumed I was a woman Id be fine but as I'm a man I feel like I may get some flack) I do think there is a clear bias against men in some situations on MN and a lot of false assumptions on how men interact with each other in comparison to women for example when it's wheeled out " they wouldn't do that to another man!" Or just the " men act this way so you'll do X" but tbh on a lot of threads I just hide them.

DJBaggySmalls · 15/04/2017 02:03

I imagine them posting,then running back to the group, and they all analyse the answers looking for what they perceive to be weak points in the arguments. Then they refine their arguments for next time.

TVTurtles · 15/04/2017 02:07

DJ you mean like this? Prostitution; help me argue on Facebook
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/2902893-Prostitution-help-me-argue-on-Facebook ( sorry I reloaded the page and this straight away came into my head as it's been in active for a while)

WaegukSaram · 15/04/2017 02:07

TVTurtles I think this is a safe space for women (well, more so than most of the internet) because sexism and misogyny tend to get shouted down, and there's also a lot of support for women in difficult situations, eg domestic abuse, going through the aftermath of rape etc.

I agree with you about the generalisations (men don't see dirt, or whatever) but they're regularly challenged - I've certainly been a dissenting voice on those kinds of threads. I do wonder if that comes from women who have only had shitty partners, but blame it on their sex rather than being poor husbands and fathers.

Italiangreyhound · 15/04/2017 02:08

Zafodbeeblbrox10 I'm all ears how your given name sounds male, or do you mean your real name if we knew it!

iwantedaSindywardobe · 15/04/2017 02:09

Ceto I'm sorry that happened to you. I've seen that too. However what I was referring to is posters who have inadvertently exposed themselves as men when it's got heated and people are posting in a rush. I don't mean people who have mistakenly been accused of being men.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 15/04/2017 02:14

Zaphod Beeblebrox is a male character and the President of the Universe or something in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.....

Nothing to stop a female poster having that as a nickname though.....

TVTurtles · 15/04/2017 02:14

And one last comment as I don't want to just keep posting on the thread taking it over but it's bugged me since it happened but under a different name I spoke about how a woman sexually assaulted me and sexually harassed me for months ( and it was on topic and hard for me to write about ) was essentially universally dismissed and actually made me feel quite shit because I was a man it didn't matter

DJBaggySmalls · 15/04/2017 02:15

TVTurtles I dont want to make this a TAAT, but there was also another comment when someone dismissed pregnancy and childbirth as a nothing...

iwantedaSindywardobe · 15/04/2017 02:15

But TVTurtles this is "MumsNet*, thereby indicating that, as mum is a female role, it's largely for women. Wouldn't you rather be on a DadsNet forum or at least a non-gendered one? I am genuinely mystified why someone who hasn't got a hidden agenda would make the effort to create an account on here.

iwantedaSindywardobe · 15/04/2017 02:21

TV don't you think that it might have been more appropriate to have posted information about an allegation of sexual by a woman on a men's forum rather than on here?

iwantedaSindywardobe · 15/04/2017 02:22

of sexual assault - sorry.

jamesk0001 · 15/04/2017 02:24

iwantedaSindywardobe

Zafodbeeblbrox = en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zaphod_Beeblebrox

Deffo a bloke, sort of!

wittyUserNameHere · 15/04/2017 02:26

some of those posters are clearly men

What's so clear about it or is it just a hunch?

Zafodbeeblbrox10 · 15/04/2017 02:27

Right. Zaphodbeeblebrox is a character in the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, a novel by Douglas Adams, also made into a TV series, but in the 80's so some might have missed it. He is a guy, albeit with two heads!
saram - the feminine principle is basically nature, and how the female is the creator, like reality opposing the patriarchal society we fond.ourselves in.
I will in future make my gender known if in a convo involving sensitive gender issues.
And "the females" was just a turn of phrase, sorry

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