- men coming on MN?

[iwantedaSindywardrobe]

Now I have no problem with men coming on here and declaring that they are men but seeking a female perspective on something. But there seem to be men who lurk and men who post pretending to be women on here.

I've read a few posts recently where there have been quite a lot of misogynistic comments (not saying women can't be like that) and some of those posters are clearly men. Mostly posts about how how women and girls are subject to sexually inappropriate or manipulative behaviour by males.

Why are men coming on here and doing this? It's a public forum, I get that, but it would never cross my mind to go on a DadsNet or equivalent forum pretending to be a man just to slate men and their particular experiences.

Is it just me who finds this odd and creepy?

[OnionKnight]

I'm a man however I don't announce it, the same as the women members of this forum don't announce that they're women.

However there's been a few threads recently that have made me realise that there is a bias against men posting, most notably the thread where the partner was missing and everyone assumed that the OP was male, when the OP revealed that they were in fact female everyone else became much nicer.

[TVTurtles]

The last few posts have kinda bought up what I mentioned before:

But the point is that almost all spaces - online and in real life - are male dominated and women tend to get shouted down, ignored and/or harassed.

I don't get this, on whatever forum etc I don't think about whether the poster is a man or woman, how can you be shouted down, ignored or harassed unless you go on their and state you are a woman, and even then know that it's because you are a woman?

[VintagePerfumista]

The name MUMsnet is actually (apart from threads like this) the thing about the site that rankles with me the most. (been here 13 yrs) It's a bit anachronistic now and (to outsiders not in the know) probably gives the impression that we all sit and talk about scrubbing our front steps and taking our perambulators out for a breath of fresh air before rushing home to do the ironing.

I love the OP's modest "I don't have a problem with men coming on here..." Let's hope the actual people who own the website and get to decide who comes on here are in agreement eh? Not to mention the hints that men should announce themselves as such in their username. Every time that actually happens, and some poor bloke says "I'm a man and was..." we get the chicken licken effect on the thread with half the replies acting like the OP or running round panicking we've been invaded.They don't put their sex and are then accused of duping people. (ps, to avoid any confusion for little brains, I'm not a bottle of perfume)

There are male trolls on MN. There are female trolls on MN. I'd say, at any given time, probably 50% of all threads in AIBU/Relationships etc are bollocks. Given that statistically there are probably 90% women on here and 10%men, that means there are a lot of goadyfucking troll women getting their rocks off on here winding people up. I imagine there are blokes on the sex topic here to goad/wank. I can't be arsed to think about my own sex life, never mind go into a topic and read about someone else's, so it's a topic I've never looked at.

I find the "oooh a man, do something!!!" attitude weird in the extreme, Some posters seem to have such a thing for men posting, they almost come across as fangirlz despite wanting to do exactly the opposite.

Some of my favourite MNers have turned out to be men. Some of the people who wind me up the most are women.

I prefer to stay interested in what people say rather than analysing whether they've got a dick, or just talk like one.

[dangermouseisace]

I don't have a problem with men coming on here. It's a public forum. They know that the majority of people are probably going to be female with kids. But there are young women without kids, older women who have never had kids, dads…if it was just 'mums' it would be a bit…isolationist…

[VintagePerfumista]

I didn't know prh was a man either. The only thing I've noticed about them is when I've said to people "put a callout for someone like prh who will be able to give you some good advice"

Clearly not the sort of person we want on MN coming on here, giving good advice to vulnerable people. Chuh!

[floraeasy]

VintagePerfumista great post!

[mrsmuddlepies]

This question has been raised before and MN moderators have intervened to make it clear that it is a site for both men and women. I agree with posters about disliking the casual sexism against men, I hate the way the very word 'man' can be used for a term of abuse, eg 'mansplaining', 'man child'.
There is also a huge amount of ageism on here and some posters make it clear that MN should only be used by younger mothers.
I used to be on the TES website for teachers , which a few years back was widely used by teachers and non teachers alike.Nobody suggested restricting its use to a specific group.
Trying to ban men, older women, those without children etc from using MN is dangerous, discriminatory and as MN management have made clear, completely against the spirit of the site.

[HerRoyalFattyness]

some posters make it clear that MN should only be used by younger mothers.

I feel the opposite. I've had some nasty comments for being younger. (I'm 25 with 3 kids, had my first at 17. Honestly you'd think I'd committed murder with how some posters are about that)

[topcat2014]

Apart from using the abbreviation DW, rather than DP, I make no particular comment about being male.

I like posting in money matters, have helped others out about tax etc, - being an accountant.

Also, we are on an 'adoption' journey - where both parents are likely looking for support.

Happy to accept being in a minority on this site, but will continue to use it.

[HarveySchlumpfenburger]

YANBU OP.

Obviously this is why we need a ticker so people can state their sex under every post without having to retype it every time.

[HerRoyalFattyness]

rafa ooh yes! A pink sparkly one for the girls and plain blue ones for the menz

[pipsqueak25]

mrs i agree with you , by trying to 'exclude certain groups' you create the sexist, ageist, childless scenario most people try to avoid in the first place. it rattles me when people say 'i don't mind x y z getting involved but....' isn't that a form of discrimination ?

[JustAnotherSilentOldNumber]

Wasn't it called mumsnet because the founders were all mums?

[TizzyDongue]

Can't stop men joining and using MN like the average woman on here (and I don't think you should personally).

Don't think I've noticed a man post pretending to be a woman - likely you might assume everyone is a woman but some are men. Odd time a 'normal' poster informs everyone they are a man, depending on the subject it might be relevant (i've seen it were the subject of the thread was about a man's behaviour in a relationship and the posters informs the op it's not normal or such like). And yes they might declare they are men and go on to mansplain, but let's face it there plenty of women on here who are patronising and superior in their opinion too.

Sometimes in heated discussions and there's a new poster/poster with new name being very contrary you might think they are a man. But if they are then it's no different to any regular pain in the arse troll like poster. Sometimes trolls can be damaging - depending on the subject - but wouldn't matter what sex they are.

There has been a lot of threads recently started by men, specifically telling women what to do (that Peter one and the condom not wearing one (OK that's a restart)), which is annoying but not really too different from any troll again - and plus it could be a woman pretending to be a man.

Trolls are trolls.

[JustAnotherSilentOldNumber]

There has been a lot of threads recently started by men, specifically telling women what to do

It's becuase trolls know it gets a reaction, what better way to quickly get a thread into trending.

[VintagePerfumista]

"the foreskin troll was a man" (from pp)
Dizzymare, DWP, Olivers Mum, ad infinitum were women. And did far more damage to other women than a man obsessed with his dick will ever be able to do.

[floraeasy]

Prove you're not a man, OP

[JustAnotherSilentOldNumber]

I'm not sure the foreskin troll is a man.

Would a man actually be obsessed over the ability to pull back a foreskin?

[TizzyDongue]

Ooh really JustAnotherSilentOldNumber, is that why? Thanks for explaining that, I quite obviously never knew a fact proved by not including the rest of the paragraph

[outabout]

I am a man, although the username is not specific and I came on MN to try to find out what went wrong with my marriage. Many aspects have been illuminating and occasionally helpful to me. In turn I have attempted to help others with suggestions which taken from a 'male' perspective might have been missed. If a thread calls for me to identify me as a man I am happy to do so. I believe in Equality which means EQUAL between the sexes (or variants if you want to get picky).
With this in mind what I post is not important whether I am male or female but a PERSON.
All women (or men) could get in their own respective huddle and 'fix' the world but if there is no communication and understanding BETWEEN the groups nothing will be achieved.

[Mumfun]

I rarely notice which sex posters are. Its good having a woman focussed website. But the wider membership makes it a richer more interesting place.

And yes trolls are trolls and seem to be quickly outed !

[stumblymonkeyremix]

I don't have a problem with men with genuine motives being on here...there isn't really an equivalent for Dads and I think it can be useful (see recent misogynistic posts by Suffolk 'Gent' and male posters telling him he doesn't speak for them).

I have an issue with trolls (whatever the gender).

[LateDad]

I'm a man - I think my UN gives that away.

I'm here mostly to read threads in Feminism because I have two DD's and grew up in an 3/4 male/female family, I was motivated to find out what affects them.

I tend to post only in AIBU, especially in the funny/troll threads, or where I do have some info I know/hope to be useful ... so not in Feminism.

It does feel as though I'm a visitor here and so try to behave accordingly.

[PovertyPain]

I like the fact that men join Mumsnet, but I wouldn't want them to outnumber the females. Some of them come across as very witty, pleasant, just like some of the female posters. I do have a giggle when you get the odd one that trys to 'mansplain', as they usually get their arse handed back to them. 😁

I would like to ask the male posters something. Do you feel that being on Mumsnet has opened your eyes to the everyday sexism that females live with? Has it shocked you, or are you cynical about female posters' experiences? Do you feel that it has helped your relationships with women? I often wonder if men join because they are supportive of women, in general, or join because they're curious about something and become more open to the female life experiences.