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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

- men coming on MN?

236 replies

iwantedaSindywardrobe · 15/04/2017 01:17

Now I have no problem with men coming on here and declaring that they are men but seeking a female perspective on something. But there seem to be men who lurk and men who post pretending to be women on here.

I've read a few posts recently where there have been quite a lot of misogynistic comments (not saying women can't be like that) and some of those posters are clearly men. Mostly posts about how how women and girls are subject to sexually inappropriate or manipulative behaviour by males.

Why are men coming on here and doing this? It's a public forum, I get that, but it would never cross my mind to go on a DadsNet or equivalent forum pretending to be a man just to slate men and their particular experiences.

Is it just me who finds this odd and creepy?

OP posts:
RedBullBlood · 15/04/2017 02:27

Pretty sure the foreskin troll was a man!

TVTurtles · 15/04/2017 02:31

But the tag line is by parents for parents and admittedly I'm not a parent either but you search for so,etching on google and a MN link comes up quite often, and I did become a member before but I now regularly care for my nephew a couple days a week singlehandedly as my sister works and can't afford childcare. So whilst I'm neither a woman or parent I look after a child about 30% of the week and I do get help from MN so am I more suitable or less suitable than a woman with no childcare responsibilities? Because the site is mostly women doesn't mean it's just for women and it's a lot easier to get help etc from an already established site with active members that admittedly will most likely be women but not only women than find a site that may be predominantly male with less information and input?

And also the subject was about abuse and as I said in my original post some misunderstandings about men and why they do things and that extends to what happens to them and so as there were posters saying that they didn't think it effected men I detailed my prolonged abuse and how it affected me it was within the topic of the thread, so I don't see why it was inappropriate to post?

caroldecker · 15/04/2017 02:37

Iwanted There are many areas to mumsnet. I can understand why, for example, the pregnancy and childbirth forums, would be unlikely to attract men. However many of the education, special needs etc boards do not exist (AFAIK) on mens boards, so can easily understand men joining. AIBU and chat could easily attract either sex.
On the feminism board questions from women are treated much better than from men because they have so many trolls to deal with, so a genuinely interested bloke would be better off hiding behind a female name if they wanted to learn. Trolls tend to get outed wither way.
I do not assume anyone's gender unless they say it, and then take it with a pinch of salt and see what they say.

TVTurtles · 15/04/2017 02:41

I mean a lot of posters moan about little to no input on parenting from men but there are men on here that do their fair share of parenting (and more) but are told they shouldn't be able to use the single largest parenting forum in the UK because of its name so they leave or feel they have to hide. If more men parent more then it's reasonable that they are going to face a lot of the same issues women do, and if they find out more information about different topics/ get different perspectives then surely that's a good thing also surely? I'm not saying women should be there to be at men's will to explain stuff but just passively learn stuff by reading and interacting in threads like women also have.

Zafodbeeblbrox10 · 15/04/2017 02:42

And MN is addictive!

sobeyondthehills · 15/04/2017 02:43

I have been typing this a few times, but I cannot get exactly what I want to say right.

We don't have any proper stats for men in violent relationships, where the hell are they meant to go?

As women we fail by denying anyone trying to get an idea of what is normal, male, female,

ThePants999 · 15/04/2017 02:44

This site is pretty clear on being intended for both women and men these days, despite its name.

And, FWIW, as far as I can tell, women outnumber men on the "dads" subforum, so if you want to question why people would do such a thing, go ask them ;-)

LouKout · 15/04/2017 04:17

Men posting here ..fine.

Absuive misogynist men..not so fine.

DixieFlatline · 15/04/2017 05:16

Right. Zaphodbeeblebrox is a character in the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, a novel by Douglas Adams, also made into a TV series, but in the 80's so some might have missed it.

I think you're missing the point there just a tad.

CanadianJohn · 15/04/2017 05:33

I find the discussions interesting, though I rarely post. I look at AIBU and the property/diy board mostly. For me, it's also a view of English life, though I haven't lived in England for over 50 years.

When I joined a few years ago, I had a gender-neutral name. When it dawned on me that other readers would assume I was female, I changed it.

BarbaraofSeville · 15/04/2017 06:30

Exactly Lou. Also agree with the posters who have said that if they posted a particular situation/opinion it would be received differently by some if they were known/assumed to be male.

Even though the site is Mumsnet, for parents by parents, there probably are a significant contingent of men and/or non parents here, myself being one of the non parents - but there's a huge part of the site that it relevant to parents and non parents alike.

Some regulars are men and they fit in quite well. Of course there are the trolls who come and go, but they're not all men but most trolls might be men because (probably) most internet trolls are male and I can see how Mumsnet might be an attractive site to troll, being popular and female dominated, which is probably unusual for a talk board type site - I can think of several popular male dominated talk boards but few other female dominated ones - NetMums obviously and Moneysavingexpert are probably close to 50/50 - I wonder if they get trolled and how they deal with it - it's another very prominent site.

nelipotter · 15/04/2017 07:11

I don't have kids, and its possible I won't get to....I like to read about family issues, and baby name choices, and marriages... I come on here to live vicariously through you all, and think about a different life. And for the insight into so many things. And because I think I have something to offer. And maybe one day I will have kids! A girl can dream anyway.
I feel a bit weird when mens comments pop up in the feeds, although I can't say why.

picklemepopcorn · 15/04/2017 07:27

I'm not concerned whether posters are male or female, as long as they make sense and respect other people.

I'm sorry about your experience talking about sexual abuse, turtles, the problem is that so many women experience so much abuse, yet often the conversation gets derailed into the much rarer situation of female abuse. If you started your own thread about it, you would be taken seriously and treated sympathetically I'm sure. When two women a week are killed by their male partners, the conversation about the abuse of men by female partners need to happen in a different place.

makeourfuture · 15/04/2017 07:37

I am male. Also a US immigrant.

Though I have been in the UK for over a decade, I have learned a lot on AIBU. White front doors are common. Hydrangeas are common. Smoking at the bus stop is common. Tattoos are common. Bra straps are common. Renters are common.

A lot of things in England are common.

iismum · 15/04/2017 07:50

Right. Zaphodbeeblebrox is a character in the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, a novel by Douglas Adams, also made into a TV series, but in the 80's so some might have missed it. He is a guy, albeit with two heads!

Well, that's kind of patronising. We know who Zaphod Beeblebrox is (maybe not everyone but I'm sure everyone who's commented on it). What we don't know is why you think only a man could use a male fictional character name.

iismum · 15/04/2017 07:52

Also not clear what you by 'the female
Is the creator'. Sounds like stereotypical nonsense to me.

Foxysoxy01 · 15/04/2017 07:54

I don't like this thread, I feel there is an unspoken undercurrent that men shouldn't be posting here and should be taking themselves off to a 'mans' forum.

If you were told as a women you should find yourself a nice woman's forum to chat on rather than with the big bad man forum how would you feel?

I'm not sure why men and women cannot have an equal opinion on child rearing and things that happen in general life?

I feel threads like these perpetuate sexism by making the divide between men and women so much bigger.

Sparklingbrook · 15/04/2017 07:55

After you have been here a while you can often tell if it's a male posting regardless of username.

A lot of men seem to hang out in the Sex Topic, where they like to say 'male perspective here' and overshare a lot. Grin

I would be really Hmm if DH decided to join MN.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 15/04/2017 08:01

I think most of us would be stuffed if PigletJohn or prh47bridge left Grin

LouKout · 15/04/2017 08:01

a lot of men seem to hang out in the Sex Topic, where they like to say 'male perspective here' and overshare a lot

This

Sparklingbrook · 15/04/2017 08:02

I haven't seen PigletJohn for ages. Not heard of prh47bridge what do they do?

Batgirlspants · 15/04/2017 08:03

make with you on all those but hydrangeas??? No come on. My hydrangeas are immense.

Now hot tubs are commen. Grin

And op I couldn't care less who posts.

HerRoyalFattyness · 15/04/2017 08:03

You can't always tell though. I was once accused of being a man because I disagreed with someone. Confused
Apparently men can't be "just being friendly" and I must be a man if I think they can.

UppityHumpty · 15/04/2017 08:03

The most problematic comments on MN come from women tbh (or maybe they're men who are too afraid to come out as men). This can be a really bullying, horrible place.

Sparklingbrook · 15/04/2017 08:05

No you can't always tell but you can have a good idea. Just certain small turns of phrase and little comments.
Some men on here sound like my Dad who is in his 70s. Grin

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